


we'll come alive

by doitsushine92



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming of Age, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Rating May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 61,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23796445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doitsushine92/pseuds/doitsushine92
Summary: "Hey,” Mark waves meekly. He seems to be holding his breath, and it takes a second for Jaemin to figure out why. “How are you feeling?”How should he answer that? He feels like he’s living an out of body experience, still not quite believing what everyone keeps saying in spite of the evidence being so glaringly obvious. He also feels like crying, scared of what this might mean for his future. Jaemin doesn’t know how to say any of that, though
Relationships: 7DREAM - Relationship, Mark Lee/Na Jaemin
Comments: 89
Kudos: 415





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> henlo, this has been on my drafts for months and i finally decided to post it!! 
> 
> a couple of things to note about this au before you start reading:
> 
> 1\. the dynamics between abo carriers and humans are explained as the story progresses
> 
> 2\. are they werewolves? are they wolves? the answer is: neither! the "gene" is something that's died down over the centuries, some people have it and some don't (will be explained further)
> 
> 3\. i started this in december that's why the story starts on the last day of dream show but i made it so that their last concert was somewhere overseas, for plot
> 
> 5\. certain aspects are typical for an abo fic, while others fall under the category of "non traditional" which is why it's tagged as both. i will make sure to showcase how certain stereotypes are exaggerated by media as well as keep certain things that i know y'all like

No one can deny NCT is an ambitious group, music or concept wise.

The idea of such a large group, combining wolves of all statuses – alphas, betas and omegas – and combining them with _humans_ \- it isn’t common. Most companies keep it strictly either humans or wolves; very few have both, and it’s usually one or two wolves of the same status. The wolves _never_ outnumber the humans.

The day Lee Sooman pitched the idea to management – and, really, it was a mere formality; everyone knew the group was a go from the start – and got to the part where he told them his preferred trainees, there was uproar from the executives. The rookies ranged from wolves to humans, on near equal numbers.

Yet, no matter how many reasons they gave the man on why it was such a bad idea, he was set on having his way. And have his way he did.

And in spite of all the odds, they pulled through. They blessed the group with a head Alpha like Taeyong, someone who is kind and cheery, and while Kun and Mark later on became the leaders of their own units – and, inevitably, a closer Alpha to their individual members – Taeyong remained the voice of reason in the cacophony of an ever-growing bunch of boys thrown together by corporate Korea.

It took them all some time to grow accustomed to each other, and to the state of the group. While the company didn’t particularly separate the human trainees from the wolves, sometimes it happened naturally, which is why some of them hadn’t really shared more than pleasantries and short conversations with one another. Taeyong and Johnny, Taeyong’s unofficial second in command, decided the best way to deal with the awkwardness permeating the air would be to hold weekly group-wide meetings, not to mention encourage the bonding between the humans and the wolves.

The only ones they didn’t need to worry about were the Dream members. Most of them had been friends since they stepped foot into the company, long before their wolf statuses were confirmed, and a simple thing such as a presentation wasn’t about to change that. As for Renjun and Chenle, well, it was different for each of them: Renjun presented as an omega at age thirteen and Jeno and Mark, the only two other wolves in the unit – and alphas, no less – took him under their wing upon their first meeting; whereas Chenle, a human with no concept of Korean, hid behind Renjun and Jisung for months on end, until he finally outgrew his shell.

Sometimes Jaemin felt a spark of jealousy when he saw how quickly Jeno took to Renjun. Jaemin had been his best friend since they were twelve years old, and yet Jeno still shied away from physical contact, keeping Jaemin at arm’s length with a smile. But not with Renjun, no. It was common to find the two cuddled in random corners of the dorm, heads bent together, fingers intertwined, Mark never too far. Jaemin knew it pissed Donghyuck off as well, seeing his favourite cuddle buddies taken away by a boy they barely knew.

Of course, it didn’t take long before tensions were high and someone had to do something. Taeyong staged an intervention, where Jaemin and Donghyuck had to spill their guts to their utmost embarrassment, their friends – _best friends_ , Donghyuck gripes every time – apologized sheepishly and Renjun, after he finally understood what was happening, reassured them he wasn’t trying to steal them away, or whatever crazy idea they had in their minds.

Honestly, Jaemin missed the days Renjun was shy around them, he never would have been so blunt about it.

There were other instances, in which Taeyong’s position as head Alpha shone through like a light at the end of the tunnel. Such was the time Yuta and Taeil, closer to Sicheng than they were to almost anyone else, were overcome with the same kind of jealousy Jaemin and Donghyuck were when they saw how Sicheng, in spite of rejecting affection from them, couldn’t help but cosy up to Jaehyun whenever they were together.

This argument didn’t go quite as smoothly as the Dream one. The principal difference is that Renjun never felt threatened by the jealousy, but Jaehyun took it all to heart and started to growl at his band-mates when they came in close contact with Sicheng. Jaemin wasn’t there at any of the instances, but Donghyuck and Mark would squirrel away to the Dream dorm every time a quarrel broke out – Mark because the hormones in the air made him snappy and restless, Donghyuck because, in his words, “Jaehyun hyung is _scary_ when he’s mad.”

Taeyong, as Jaemin heard, called for a meeting one evening, after they almost fought at a radio station during the break. It was there that the humans, Taeil and Yuta in particular, learned first-hand what it was like for the wolves. Sicheng explained to them that, as an omega, and much like in Renjun’s case, he felt safer when he was with an alpha, and especially an alpha he trusted as much as he trusted Jaehyun, while Jaehyun tried to make them see that it was all instinct, his need to keep Sicheng tucked away in safety. It was an instinct he was working on, since he realised he couldn’t keep Sicheng to himself forever.

After four years of debut, Jaemin would safely say they’ve learned. Their pack has one of the strongest bonds in the industry, a feat especially impressive with the number of humans they have, and they all feel proud of it. Theirs is a pack that works, a bond that survived even the ugliest of fights – and there were many.

~

Jaemin’s presentation throws everything they know off kilter.

It’s the last day of the Dream Show. As a matter of fact, the concert is officially over. All that’s left to do is wait for their manager to be done with some business at the arena before he drives them all back to the hotel, where they will rest until tomorrow in the afternoon and leave for Korea once more. Their cordi noonas are long gone and the dressing room is empty, save for them.

Jaemin sits on the couch, fighting through the haze in his mind to stay awake. He’s exhausted, the adrenaline that previously coursed through his veins having given way to a low buzzing in his limbs. He played with his phone for a little while, but there was nothing that could entertain him long enough and he gave up. His head hurts and there’s a pressure behind his eyes that he hasn’t shaken off in over an hour.

The dressing room smells of hairspray, makeup remover and heated hair and, underneath it all, the floral cleaner used to wipe down the surfaces. It also has the lingering scent of perfume and cologne of all the people that have come and gone through the doors. The smell bothers him more and more as the minutes tick by, until Jaemin has to cover his nose with the collar of his hoodie. He must be going down with something, maybe the flu that’s floating around or maybe it’s just allergies from all the smells. Whatever it is, Jaemin’s eyes water and he has to dive for his backpack and dig out the little blue tablets between sneezes that wreck his body.

“We’re leaving,” the manager announces from the door, “is everyone ready?” Like the rest of them, he looks ready to go to sleep for three days. He’s younger than their other managers are, and he’s newer to the entire ordeal than he would care to admit.

A chorus of affirmations rises. Jaemin grabs his backpack and slings it over his shoulder as he gets up, but drops it almost right away when the world sways around him. He’s vaguely aware of someone grasping his upper arm before he falls, but that’s as far as he goes before the world turns black.

~

Jaemin comes back to himself after a while. He groans and blinks his eyes open carefully, feeling around his body with his hands: he’s on a bed, that much he can tell, the sheets soft and almost silky under his touch. Jaemin looks around groggily without lifting his head and is quick to realise he’s in a hotel room.

His head doesn’t hurt anymore, at least. Jaemin remembers the dull throb behind his eyes and is thankful that’s over with, but it doesn’t explain why he feels so heavy and weird. Not just his limbs, either; his entire body feels weighted down and his tummy swirls uncomfortably, although it doesn’t feel like he might be getting sick.

As he tries to get up, the sheets rustle and someone gasps. “You’re awake!” they say, not quite exclaiming but not whispering either. That someone moves closer and Jaemin finally sees it is Joonhwa, their manager, his glasses askew. He helps Jaemin to a sitting position, his back propped up by two pillows. “You had me worried there, kiddo. Do you want water?”

Now that he mentions it, Jaemin’s throat is parched. He nods, not trusting his voice, and Joonhwa nods back before going off to grab a water bottle from the mini fridge. Jaemin takes four large gulps in a row, blinking to get rid of the black spots in his vision. While he drinks, Joonhwa takes a seat on the edge of the bed and watches Jaemin anxiously. He takes the water bottle back when Jaemin is finished drinking and screws the cap back on.

“What happened?” he manages to ask.

Joonhwa hesitates, scratching the label on the bottle. “You passed out,” he says carefully. However, he doesn’t meet Jaemin’s eyes when he does so and that’s enough for Jaemin to know there’s something else he isn’t telling him.

Fortunately, for Joonhwa, there’s a knock on the hotel door and it saves him from any further questioning. Jaemin doesn’t imagine the relief on his face as he goes to open it. Jaemin guessed it would be the other kids coming to check on him, but he didn’t think they’d look so… freaked out. Renjun, particularly, looks ready to jump on the bed with him, yet he holds back.

“How are you feeling?” Donghyuck asks him, brows knitted together in worry.

“A little dizzy,” Jaemin confesses, shrugging. He doesn’t tell them about the heaviness of his body or the strange sensation spreading through his core because, honestly, he doesn’t need to tell them what exhaustion feels like, they’re well aware. “I’d love to know what happened, though. Hyung won’t tell me.”

Five pairs of eyes swivel to stare at their manager. Jeno gapes at him and asks, in a strangled manner, “You didn’t tell him?”

Joonhwa raises his hands in surrender. “I didn’t think it was my place to tell him.”

Jeno accepts that, albeit begrudgingly, and looks back at his band-mate. With their attention back on Jaemin, the boy gives them a bewildered expression and demands, “What? Did I throw up on someone or something?”

“No,” Renjun says, but he doesn’t sound like he usually does. He sounds small, timid, and it’s strange. He shares a look with Jeno and Jeno nods, to him this time.

“Come on, let’s give them space,” Jeno says as he begins to herd the maknaes and Donghyuck out of the room. Neither of the three appears happy about it, but they go either way. Joonhwa follows them out, saying something about notifying their general manager and rearranging their flight schedule, then the door shuts behind them and it’s just Jaemin and Renjun left in the room.

Renjun looks awkward. He’s playing with the bedding, picking at a loose thread with his nails. Jaemin sits up straighter, grabs a stray pillow from beside him and holds it to his chest. It feels nice to have something in his arms and he presses it closer. Renjun chews on his bottom lip and considers what to say.

“Can’t you just spit it out?” Jaemin asks, nearly pleading. “You’re scaring me, you know.”

After heaving a deep sigh, Renjun takes a seat next to Jaemin and, carefully, he tells him, “Jaem, the reason you passed out is…

“You presented. As an omega.”

Almost instinctively, Jaemin begins to laugh. It’s absurd to even think about it: him, _presenting_. That’s impossible! None of his family members has the gene and his parents have never said anything of the sort, and besides, he’s turning 20 this year, that’s too old to be presenting.

Yet Renjun isn’t laughing, and he isn’t even a good liar, so this can’t be a joke. The laughter dies in Jaemin’s throat and he’s left gaping at Renjun as the words sink in.

“No way,” he breathes. He’s expecting Renjun to say sike or something along the lines, but Renjun only stares back at him and Jaemin realises he means it.

Still, Jaemin tries to protest. “But, I’m nineteen! If I really – if I really had the gene, I would have presented years ago. This makes no sense.”

“I know this is a lot to take in,” Renjun says. He makes an aborted motion of lifting his hand to touch Jaemin before he thinks better of it and his hand falls limp to the bed. “And I know you’re overwhelmed, so was I when I presented, but I promise you, you’re going to be okay.”

“This doesn’t make any sense,” Jaemin repeats, increasingly frantic. He can feel his eyes begin to water as the word bounces around inside his head. _Omega, omega, omega, he’s an omega._

Renjun does touch him this time, petting Jaemin’s head continuously in an attempt to soothe him. “I’m here, Jaem, I’m right here, I’ll help you through this, I promise.”

Jaemin would appreciate the sentiment a little more if he weren’t so scared. Jaemin cries until his words become unintelligible and, at some point, he falls asleep to the sound of Renjun hushing him and wiping away as many tears as he can manage.

When he wakes up again, Renjun is still in the room, lounging on the bed adjacent to his. A bed that was supposed to be Jeno’s, his roommate. For a second, Jaemin can’t remember anything and wonders where Jeno’s gone to, until it all hits him again and he’s left breathless. As if sensing him, Renjun looks away from his phone and stands up to approach him, saying, “Good, you’re up. I was just about to wake you. Joonhwa hyung changed our flight but we’re still cutting it short.”

It must be obvious how freaked out Jaemin is because Renjun sighs and goes to his zipped suitcase. Jaemin sees him rummage around for a bit before he retreats with something clasped in his hand. As he comes closer, Jaemin can see it’s some sort of deodorant.

“This is a scent dampener,” Renjun tells him, thrusting the bottle in his hands. “You should spray it on after you shower, it’ll hide your scent, so we can get you back to the dorms. You kinda have a strong scent so you might wanna be generous.” Renjun doesn’t look at Jaemin directly when he speaks about his scent, and he sounds strange, but Jaemin is too busy freaking out to catch that.

God, that’s right. They’re miles upon miles away from home, and as if that weren’t enough, they’ll have to wade through hordes of fans in the meantime. Jaemin loves his fans but they need to learn about personal space.

“Do the hyungs know?” Jaemin asks.

Renjun nods. “Yeah. Sicheng-ge and Yangyang are getting together a care package, whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. Mark hyung said he’ll ask for a few days off so he can stay at the dorm with us, and then said he’ll do it even if the company says no.”

That sounds like Mark.

“When do we have to leave?” Renjun checks his phone and informs him he has a little less than two hours to shower and get dressed. His things are packed, courtesy of Renjun, and he only has to worry about making himself feel better before they leave the safety of the hotel room.

“Also,” Renjun says, “Jeno’s freaking out a bit so I told him he could come in after you’ve showered. A warning, though: he might try to scent you, given how you’re newly presented and all, and I do recommend you let him. You should hold off on the dampener until after he does it, so the fans won’t smell him on you but he’ll still feel satisfied enough.” At Jaemin’s raised eyebrows, Renjun rolls his eyes and adds, “It’s his stupid alpha pride, you’ll get used to it. Mark’s worse.”

Jaemin isn’t sure how he feels about the information. On one hand, he’s seen how the two alphas behave around Renjun, sometimes possessive depending on the time of the year, scenting him before going on schedules and holding onto his wrists when they’re in public, and his cheeks burn at the mere thought of them behaving the same way toward him. He’d always thought it was stupid, often making derisive comments with Donghyuck in a feeble attempt at hiding how jealous he felt, but now he’s… almost giddy.

His head is a mess.

Renjun, as if guessing his thoughts, pats his shoulder and urges him to go shower. Jaemin does as he’s told, taking his clothes with him into the bathroom. He hops into the shower, toothbrush in hand, and brushes his teeth under the stream of water, then places the toothbrush on the little surface for the soap so he can shower properly.

He goes about his business without rushing too much, grateful to have the time to take his mind off of things, and focuses on what he’s doing instead. The shampoo provided by the hotel smells nice and so does the hair cream, but the soap is artisanal and therefore a little scratchy.

Once he’s done, Jaemin wraps a towel around his waist and stands in front of the mirror. He’s able to see his reflection after wiping away the condensation from the fog and isn’t surprised to see dark bags under his eyes, no doubt from the exhaustion. However, he’s slept better tonight than he has in a while, not to mention longer, in spite of waking up once in the middle of the night.

After he dresses, Jaemin walks back out and his senses are immediately assaulted by a strong smell, something he can’t place his finger on but definitely pleasant. However, once he looks at Jeno sitting on the chair by the window, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out it’s him what smells so good.

Jaemin has always known that wolves have particular smells, but he was never able to smell them. Now that he’s one of them, however, and an omega no less, who are known to be sensitive to scents, he’s able to pick apart exactly what Jeno’s scent is among every other in the surfaces of the room.

Instead of commenting on that, though, Jaemin looks at Renjun and asks, “Is that dampener you’re using now the same one you gave to me?”

“Yeah,” Renjun nods. “Why, what’s wrong?”

Jaemin shakes his head and says, “Nothing, just glad it works so well. I can’t even smell you.”

Renjun’s mouth forms an ‘oh’ shape and he smiles, pleased. Jaemin fidgets with his hoodie, unsure of how to talk to Jeno anymore. Especially with how Jeno is staring a hole through him.

“Hey,” Jaemin settles for. Jeno blinks, dazed, and seems to snap out of whatever trance he was in, because he manages a smile and a wave. “Renjun said you were scared for me.”

“Not scared,” Jeno defends himself, throwing a glare at Renjun. Renjun is unaffected by it, sticking his tongue out at the alpha before focusing back on his phone. However, Jaemin can tell he’s watching the two of them carefully. “I’m just worried. I don’t know if Renjun told you but, Jaem, your scent is really strong right now.”

“He mentioned it,” Jaemin grumbles and goes to grab his phone. Someone had the presence of mind to plug it in during the night so it has full charge now. Right after unlocking it, he sees the myriad of messages he has from the members and he groans, locking it again. He really doesn’t want to deal with any of this.

“You know,” Jeno starts, “you’re taking all this surprisingly well.”

“No, he’s not,” Renjun murmurs. “You just weren’t here last night.”

“I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet,” Jaemin says. And it’s true, because he really doesn’t feel any different. It must be the shock. “Do I really smell that bad?” he asks, suddenly worried that’s what they mean by strong. For some reason, the idea of smelling unappealing – to Jeno – upsets him.

“Who said you smell bad?” Jeno frowns. Renjun snorts and shakes his head, but he doesn’t say anything. Jeno continues, “It’s actually the contrary, you smell really good.” Then, as if realising what he just said, Jeno flushes red enough to battle a tomato and shuts his mouth.

Still, something inside Jaemin is pleased to hear that. He hums, unwilling to show how much he appreciates that.

A silence settles over them. Jaemin spins his phone in his hand, not quite knowing what to say, and Jeno goes back to staring at him. Finally, it’s Renjun who sighs and says, “Jeno, didn’t you say you wanted to scent him? Now’s your chance, before he puts on the dampener.”

Jeno blushes again, and this time Jaemin does so as well. Jeno glances at Jaemin, then at Renjun, back and forth. Jaemin guesses he must be looking for permission from him, but he doesn’t know what he wants from Renjun.

“I’m okay with it,” Jaemin almost stammers. He curses himself for sounding so shy, mentally asking what the hell has gotten into him now.

They’re close enough that Jeno only has to take four steps to reach him. They’re the same height, their eyes level, and yet Jaemin feels somehow smaller. He can’t figure out why until he realises – it’s his scent. Jeno’s scent is almost overwhelming, something that Jaemin can’t name but so him, it makes Jaemin’s tummy clench and he has to force down an embarrassing urge to keen.

He’s read about how omegas and alphas react to each other before, has seen it happen enough in the dorms, but he never thought it would feel so intense. Jeno glances at Renjun again, nods, and then his right hand is coming up to cup Jaemin’s nape. His hand is warm.

“I’ll, uh,” Jeno licks his lips and blinks repeatedly, “I’ll just scent your neck, yeah? Let me know if you’re uncomfortable or want me to stop, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Jeno directs his gaze to Jaemin’s neck and leans forward. Jaemin didn’t know what to expect, so when he feels Jeno’s nose drag across his neck, his lips barely grazing the heated skin, he jumps and isn’t capable of stifling a gasp. Jeno’s grip on him tightens momentarily before it loosens again and he pulls away, looking at him in worry.

“I’m fine,” Jaemin says, his mouth strangely dry. “I was just surprised.”

After searching his face for any hint of hesitance, Jeno goes back to business. This time, he goes about it with more confidence, pressing his nose with more strength to the hollow of his throat and dragging it to his shoulder. Jeno’s lips hover over the skin dangerously, his breath hot on Jaemin’s skin.

Jaemin can feel the heat of Renjun’s gaze burning into the side of his head but doesn’t dare speak lest he makes any more awful sounds. Not to mention, this close he has Jeno’s scent all up on his nose and it’s making him dizzy.

(A little voice in the back of his mind wishes Jeno’s lips would attach themselves to his neck and leave a mark, bite down to claim, and Jaemin almost recoils because _what the fuck was that?_ )

Finally, Jeno retreats. Once at a secure distance, he sniffs the air around Jaemin and hums, pleased, nodding to himself. On the bed, Renjun scoffs and asks, “Proud of yourself there, alpha?”

Jeno doesn’t even have it in him to be upset by the comment, saying, “Yup, pretty much.”

Jaemin turns to look at Renjun just in time to see him roll his eyes as he stifles a smile. When he sees Jaemin looking at him, Renjun tosses him the dampener and Jaemin is just able to capture it with fumbling hands. “There, spray that on you. We leave in less than an hour.”

~

The trip back to Korea goes by in a blur. Not because it’s over quickly but because Jaemin doesn’t process any of it. He’s lost in his head throughout the whole ordeal, going wherever he’s lead by his members or Joonhwa. Halfway to the airport, Jeno gives him a new pair of nose plugs and advices him to wear them until they’re home, which Jaemin does. It was hard enough to sit in a van with Jeno and Renjun stinking up the place, he can’t imagine being around thousands of people.

They shield him from all sides as they wade through the hordes of people, blocking him from sight. Jaemin pulls his baseball cap low over his head and keeps his eyes trained on the ground, only mildly aware of Chenle’s grip on his hoodie. He can faintly hear the fans ask if he’s all right, followed by Jeno reassuring everyone that he’s just caught a cold. A chorus of _aw’s_ ring around and it manages to make Jaemin half smile.

On the plane, Renjun lets him have the window seat and takes the spot next to him, regardless that it would originally be Jisung’s. The strange feeling hasn’t gone away entirely, but it lessens every minute they are closer to Seoul, and Renjun helps a lot, as well. They play video games the first two hours of the flight, but Jaemin is tired and wants to nap the rest of the time.

Joonhwa checks on him every fifteen minutes, regulating his temperature and offering him ice cubes to chew on. Jaemin feels a little like a pregnant woman about to give birth, but he can’t deny he likes the attention. They moved Jeno further down the row of seats, much to his displeasure, and then sent Donghyuck to sit with him as a peace offering. Neither was happy with the arrangement, seeing as Jaemin was out of reach.

As soon as they get home, Jaemin goes straight to his room to lie down. He’s tired, his head hurts again and he doesn’t want to deal with anyone or anything for the time being. He dumps his suitcase next to his bed and rips open his drawers, digging for something comfortable – honestly, anything will do, he doesn’t want to keep wearing these damn jeans. The shower is calling his name, sweet as a siren, and Jaemin cannot wait to stand under the water stream and _unclench._

“Hyung?” Jisung knocks on the open door. He looks nervous, hands hidden behind his back. Jaemin makes a grunt of acknowledgment. “Mark hyung said he’s on his way.”

Jaemin’s tummy knots itself into frenzy. Goosebumps break across his skin and Jaemin resists the urge to smile stupidly at the thought, instead nodding tightly to Jisung as he says, “Kay, I’m just gonna take a shower first.”

Jisung squirrels out of the way. Jaemin doesn’t have the energy to think about that, taking his clothes with him as he goes to the bathroom. There’s a fine layer of dust over their things, an indication they’ve gone away for a long time, and while usually Jaemin would clean the entire place upside down, today he only clears a space on the toilet for his clothes and then jumps into the shower.

The hot water feels heavenly on his muscles. His entire body is tense, has been since yesterday, but at last he can feel himself relax. He doesn’t even care too much about cleaning up, too focused on the nice sensation. He only belatedly realises he used Chenle’s shampoo and Renjun’s conditioner when he’s stepping out, but he doesn’t bat an eye.

When he exits the bathroom, hair dripping wet and the back of his sweatshirt soaked as well, Mark is waiting for him in the hallway.

Jaemin’s knees knock together. Mark’s just standing there, closer to the living room than to the bedrooms, hands in his pocket and beanie covering his hair, yet the sight of him has something inside Jaemin going wild. What’s more, he smells _good_ , so good, and Jaemin makes a conscious effort not to run to him. He doesn’t think he could move without falling flat on his face.

“Hey,” Mark waves meekly. He seems to be holding his breath, and it takes a second for Jaemin to figure out why. “How are you feeling?”

How should he answer that? He feels like he’s living an out of body experience, still not quite believing what everyone keeps saying in spite of the evidence being so glaringly obvious. He also feels like crying, scared of what this might mean for his future. Jaemin doesn’t know how to say any of that, though.

“Hyung.” Jaemin’s voice cracks, on the verge of tears, and the next thing he knows is that Mark’s so, so close, holding him up with his arms and Jaemin realises he’d nearly fallen to the ground. He’s so tired, he feels miserable and he wants to cry. “Hyung,” he repeats, over and over, because that seems to be the only word left in his vocabulary.

The others gather around them, with Renjun at the front. He tries to touch Jaemin, to provide comfort, but Jaemin doesn’t want to be touched. The only exception he’s willing to concede is Mark. Donghyuck tries next, soothing fingers carding through Jaemin’s hair for a few seconds before Jaemin shudders and wrestles out of his touch.

“Guys, come on,” Chenle urges them, “Let’s leave them alone, yeah?”

Jaemin’s cooking that kid anything he wants as soon as he’s feeling better. Jaemin only lifts his head from Mark’s shoulder when he hears their footsteps fade and a door close. Mark pulls back, far enough to look Jaemin in the eyes. As Donghyuck did, he brushes Jaemin’s hair out of his face and searches his face, concerned.

“I guess you’re not doing so well, huh?” Mark chuckles. Jaemin shakes his head, embarrassed that he’s acting so childish. “Come on, let’s go to the couch.”

Jaemin allows Mark to lead him to the living room. Someone appears to have left a blanket on the back of the couch, and there’s a discarded cup of coffee on the centre table. Jaemin takes a seat on a corner of the couch and uses the blanket to cover his legs, exposed to the cold of the room below his shorts. Mark rearranges the blanket for him, though, more or less tucking him in. Jaemin appreciates the gesture and nearly preens under the attention.

“You want anything to drink? I think there’s still some coffee left,” Mark offers. Under any other circumstances, Jaemin would probably say yes to the coffee, but his stomach churns at the idea of drinking or eating anything, so he shakes his head. Then, before Mark can move away, he tugs gently on the elder’s sweater sleeve. “Oh! Yeah, sure, let me just.”

Mark manoeuvres the two of them to a more comfortable position and lets Jaemin lean his head on the broad expanse of his shoulder. Jaemin sighs minutely, feeling his eyes close on their own accord. He isn’t sleepy, but he’s tired and Mark’s presence is… more than welcomed, at the moment.

“You know,” Mark says, “I was surprised when Jisung called and told me you presented.” Jaemin makes a grunt of acknowledgement. “I didn’t expect it, especially not at your age.”

“You think I did?” Jaemin grumbles, because yeah, no shit. “I think I embarrassed myself in front of Renjun, though. I cried a lot when he told me.”

Mark’s noise of surprise is no louder than a whisper. “Why would you cry?”

“I don’t know.” Jaemin shrugs as best as he can, careful not to jostle himself or Mark. Outside, rain begins to patter against the window. “I think it was the shock. Or the hormones.”

“I think it might have been both,” Mark suggests. “I mean, you shouldn’t believe everything you hear or see on TV about omegas, most of it is bullshit, but, like, I did learn a bit with Renjun and I know for a fact that sometimes hormones can get out of hand.”

“I’ve never seen Renjun get so emotional,” Jaemin says, a hint of a protest in his voice, “and he’s an omega.”

Mark nods. “Yeah, but he also presented when he was young. He had plenty of time to get all that under control before meeting us, as did I. You remember how Jeno was when he presented, right? Getting angry, then sad, and went from not eating to wiping out the fridge… it happened to me too.”

“Am I gonna go through puberty again?” God, Jaemin sure hopes he doesn’t. He doesn’t have time for that crap.

Jaemin hums pleasantly as Mark plays with a strand of his hair. “It won’t be like puberty. No crack of your voice, no growth spurts…” he trails off. Jaemin twists his head to look at him and finds Mark is wearing an expression that doesn’t suit him, like he’s torn between worry and amusement.

“What?” Jaemin nudges him.

“Uh, you will have, you know, urges,” Mark coughs. His face is slowly reddening, and he seems to be wishing he wasn’t having this conversation. His hand doesn’t stop playing with Jaemin’s hair, however, so Jaemin counts that as a win.

“Urges?” Jaemin echoes. “Like, eating urges?”

Mark’s laugh is startled. “No, no. Well, yeah, actually. Renjun can still eat a cow. But that’s not what I meant.”

“Then, what did you mean?” Jaemin asks, although he has an inkling he knows the answer.

Mark sighs, tired. “You know what I mean. Sex, Jaemin. Mind you, I personally believe alphas are worse in that aspect, but if Renjun is to be trusted, then…”

Jaemin doesn’t speak further. His face burns with embarrassment, and he ducks down to hide it in his hands. Mark laughs, amused by his reaction. Jaemin aims a punch that lands somewhere on his left, but it’s nowhere near his usual strength and it only makes Mark laugh harder.

“Shut up,” Jaemin whines. “This isn’t funny, asshat.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Mark sobers up, although a few giggles slip here and there. “Look, I know you’re freaked out. And I know I can’t tell you not to be, _but_ I do want to tell you that anything you need, I’m here. Besides, I don’t think you’ll be having sexual heats anytime soon.”

“I won’t?” Jaemin asks hopefully.

Mark shakes his head, tugging on the little hairs at the back of Jaemin’s neck. “It’s very unlikely.”

Jaemin breathes a sigh of relief. Mark continues talking, “When it does happen, though… if you need me, I’m here, alright?”

If Jaemin thought he couldn’t be more embarrassed, he had another thing coming. This time, there is no fighting the burning in his cheeks, and it spreads to his ears and chest. He somehow managers to squeak, “Are you propositioning me right now?” even as he feels faint headed.

“Uh, yeah? I guess?” Mark frowns. “I mean, it’s nothing out of the ordinary, at least not between friends. I know ruts can be shit and I had enough of seeing Renjun suffer before he accepted Jeno’s help. You’re not obligated to accepting,” he adds gently, “I’m just making sure you know there’s another option. You don’t have to deal with it on your own.”

“Is it really that bad?” Jaemin asks. He thinks he might be starting to hyperventilate.

Mark soothes him with some well-aimed fingers to his ribcage. Jaemin wiggles out of the way, then regrets it and moves back to Mark’s side. Mark tucks him under his arm and says, “I can’t speak for omegas, but I know alphas’ ruts can get painful. And I know how much easier it is with just the presence of someone I trust.”

Jaemin wants to ask. He wants to ask who’s been with Mark during his ruts before, but he doesn’t. That’s Mark’s business, not his.

“I would like that,” Jaemin murmurs. “Not just for when it gets… you know. But before, too.”

Mark’s smile is a little blinding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 07/02: i noticed there was a section missing at the end, so i added it. please, if you notice anything amiss in the other chapters, let me know so i can fix it


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The members find out + Jaemin learns the truth behind his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👁️👄👁️ hello
> 
> i know this took a while :( but i was severely blocked, and even now im not entirely happy with this chapter.... it does its job at furthering the plot but idk....

The living room is dead silent. Well, technically that isn’t true – you can hear the hum of the air conditioner as it works in the background, the noise of the street outside their building and the beep of the security alarm. The real silence comes from the people _in_ the living room. They turned off the radio and the TV when everyone trickled in, although now Jaemin wishes they’d left something on.

The news lingers in the air. Jaemin shifts uncomfortably in his seat and stares at his beat up sneakers instead of meeting anyone’s eyes, because that’s a thousand times easier. Renjun is a steady presence next to him, and his hand hasn’t left Jaemin’s thigh since they sat down. On his other side, Jungwoo’s arm presses against his. Around him, the other Dream members form a barrier – there’s no real threat, especially not when it comes to his group, but Jaemin does feel safer like this.

Their managers’ gazes are heavy on him. They knew already, courtesy of Joonhwa, but perhaps the confirmation from him made it all realer to them. Their sole female manager, Misoo, happens to be an omega as well, and her eyes are equally sympathetic and befuddled. Likewise, the rest of the members are either staring at Jaemin or at their managers, more than one jaw slack at the information.

Before the silence can continue to stretch past Jaemin’s limits, Mark clears his throat. “I think I’m speaking for everyone when I say this is all unexpected,” _talk about an understatement_ , “but right now the priority should be Jaemin. Presenting isn’t easy, even when you’re expecting it, and Jaemin’s gonna need us now.”

Everyone voices their reassurances to Jaemin, and it’s nice, it really is, but Jaemin wants to go back to his room. Not because he doesn’t want to be with or around his members, it is simply that… they smell. They don’t even smell bad, what’s worse. They smell good, and familiar, even if Jaemin had never processed their scents before. It’s overwhelming, to say the least. Jaemin knows he’s been sleeping with the couch blanket because it smells like everyone in Dream, but there are over twenty different scents mingling in the air right now.

“Thank you,” he manages to say at least. “It means a lot.” He means it, especially because no one seems to be about to accuse him of lying to them. Jaemin won’t be saying this to anyone, though.

Taeyong’s impossibly soft eyes centre on him. “Jaemin, whatever you need, you tell us, okay? Do you need a break to get used to this?” He sounds so earnest it’s almost painful to hear.

At the back of the room, their managers shift on their feet. Jaemin knows they’re mentally preparing for the very real possibility of the alpha marching into the SM building one day and demanding management to give Jaemin a break. There’s no way to tell how that would go.

“I’m okay,” Jaemin says. “Really. We’re done with the concerts now and I don’t have much scheduled for the near future, nothing crazier than practice. I’ll be fine, hyung, but thank you.”

Taeyong isn’t convinced, but he relents. After all, if Jaemin insists he’s okay, he isn’t one to doubt him. Jaemin sighs, only now realising he’d worried Taeyong would insist on getting him a break, and his fists unclench minutely. He can only imagine the pandemonium that would break out.

“Jaemin,” Kun speaks up next, “I know you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, and I’m really proud of you. You’re handling this really well. At least, better than how I did.”

Kun’s presentation, like Jaemin’s, came as a surprise to everyone. As far as the man had been concerned, everyone in his family was human, and he didn’t have the gene. Until one day, sometime between his introduction as a rookie and the announcement of the NCT U line-up, Sicheng had barrelled into the kitchen of the old dorm with wide-eyed distress and announced Kun smelled too much like an alpha for it to be a normal scent transfer.

Jaemin doesn’t remember much of that day, mostly because he’d been in the midst of evaluations and exams season, but he recalls Kun skittering around the dorms and dance practice, avoiding contact with everyone in fear of doing something stupid. Jaemin can’t imagine Kun – or any of the other alphas in the room – doing anything remotely dangerous or violent, and especially not toward their members, but they’ve all heard enough horror stories to last them a lifetime.

Ears feeling hot, Jaemin produces a smile. “I’m not sure I’m doing that well, but thanks.” Jaemin isn’t trying to be humble, he genuinely feels like he’s losing his head. Every once in a while, a different part of him will make the realisation and he will go through the ordeal all over again. It’s exhausting, if anything.

Misoo clears her throat. “Let’s give Jaemin some space, okay? Come on, you have rehearsal.” Her eyes meet Jaemin’s and she offers him a comforting smile.

The dorm clears out slowly. The 127 hyungs wave goodbye while they gather their things and trickle out of the room, and then most of WayV leave, as well. The managers busy themselves with herding them out to the elevator and discussing schedules with each other, save for Joonhwa, who goes into the kitchen to make tea.

After a few minutes, only the Dream members, Sicheng and Yangyang remain in the living room. Jaemin’s lips twitch at their clear excitement, which means Renjun was right when he told him how stoked they were to hear there was another omega in the group. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jeno shoving Donghyuck, Jisung and Chenle into a separate room. Mark lingers awkwardly by the kitchen. If he’s feeling anything like Jaemin, he’s hesitant to leave his side. A well-aimed eyebrow courtesy of Renjun has him running after the others.

Yangyang, for all the hard work he put in before, completely loses his composure the second they’re alone and a huge smile overtakes his features. He’s practically buzzing on the spot as he leans forward and says, “Sorry, I’m just really excited to have another omega around.”

“How are you feeling?” Sicheng asks him. “And don’t give me the bullshit you told the others. They might buy into it but I don’t.”

“Yeah,” Renjun backs him up. “We’re omegas too, you know? You can tell us anything you want.”

 _That’s the problem,_ Jaemin thinks to himself. He can’t tell them how he feels about being an omega without risking offending them. How is he supposed to tell them he hates it?

“I have a few questions,” Jaemin says instead, “if you don’t mind answering them.”

“Of course,” Yangyang nods. “Ask away.”

Jaemin clears his throat. “Renjun’s told me a little about how it’s been for him, but he said everyone’s experiences are different. What was it like for you?”

“Well,” Sicheng hums, reclining back on the couch, “For me, it was to be expected. I presented early, I was… twelve? Going on thirteen. The first couple of heats were weird, I kept feeling itchy and I hated literally everything around me. It’s called sensory overload, it’s pretty common.”

Yangyang nods along to his words and adds, “I was the opposite. I didn’t want to be left alone and kept asking my friends to go everywhere with me. My scent didn’t even flare or anything, I only knew it was my heat when someone pointed out they couldn’t breathe because of my clinginess.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. Yangyang subjected him to the same treatment, years ago. It didn’t bother him before, not at all, but he blushes just thinking of doing the same thing.

“How did you adjust to it?” he asks next.

Sicheng shrugs. “My parents knew it was coming. My mom’s an omega, and she never shied away from the topic. I presented at school and she came to pick me up, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I got to stay home for a few days, while I adjusted,” he smiles, “and then when I got back my friends had a letter for me. Most of them were human and didn’t know what was happening; they thought I’d almost died.”

Jaemin looks at Yangyang. This time, the boy shifts uncomfortably for a second before he says, “Uh, my parents weren’t all that happy. They didn’t know I was a carrier, so when it happened, everyone was freaking out. After they took me to the doctor and we knew for sure, my dad was very uncomfortable around me. He’s cool now!” he rushes to add, “I guess he was… shocked? I don’t know.

“Anyway, a few months after that I was sent to boarding school. It was easier there, my roommate was a beta and most of my friends were carriers, too. And those that weren’t, didn’t mind it. Sometimes I’d meet someone that wasn’t entirely okay with it, but I tried not to let it bother me.”

“And,” Jaemin licks his lips, “about the heats. I’ve read some stuff on line but,” he trails off.

“That’s a more sensitive topic,” Sicheng says, “And I think it would be best if you asked someone who lived your situation, instead of us.”

“What do you mean?” Jaemin asks. “Like, someone who didn’t expect it? Yangyang’s here, why can’t he tell me?”

“Because I presented young,” Yangyang explains. “I’ve had way more non-sexual heats than regular ones, and I was ready for it when it happened. At your age, it’s likely you’ll have two non-sexual ones before the real deal.”

“Why?” Jaemin sputters.

Two sets of eyes turn to Sicheng. Sicheng, realising he’s the oldest and therefore the most qualified to answer, groans in despair and looks up at the ceiling before looking at Jaemin once more. “Okay, so, it all comes down to biology. All wolves mature around the age of nineteen, and that’s when sexual heats – and ruts - happen. Betas will have them sometimes too. It hasn’t been very common for a while, but it happens.”

Jaemin groans, putting his head in his hands. “That’s what I was afraid of. What do I do now?”

“Come to a meeting with us,” Renjun offers, like it is that simple. “We have one every two weeks. You can ask the others there.”

Jaemin knows about the “omega support group.” It’s basically a group of idols who get together and do whatever it is you do in support groups. The three of them have been going to those since their pre-debut days, but other than the typical question of _how’d it go?_ Jaemin has never bothered to ask what they do there.

“Alright,” Jaemin sighs. “I guess I’ll have to wait until then.”

“Great!” Yangyang bounces lightly, “Now smile.”

“What?”

Yangyang pounces on him, knocking Jaemin flat on his back on the couch. Jaemin groans at the brunt of his weight and only just manages to squint at Yangyang through his fringe. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“You look constipated,” Yangyang says, as if it’s any explanation. “You need to lighten up a bit, Jaem. I know you’re scared,” he adds softly, “but there’s nothing to be worried about. You’re still you.”

“Thanks,” Jaemin attempts a half-smile. It isn’t much, but Yangyang takes it and cuddles closer. “You can get off me now.”

“You really thought he was gonna move,” Sicheng drawls. “You’re stuck with him.”

Yangyang nods to show Sicheng is right. Jaemin sighs and says, “At least let me move my arms, you’re crushing them.”

It takes some shuffling around, but eventually they find a way for Yangyang to lie on top of him without cutting off his air flow. Jaemin rests his hands on Yangyang’s back and stares at the ceiling, Yangyang’s hair tickling his nose. Surprisingly, Yangyang falls asleep like that, and Renjun only laughs in his face when Jaemin asks for help. “Trust me, this is good for you,” he insists, “Omegas rely on each other for comfort and there’s no one as clingy as him. The sooner you get used to him, the easier it’ll be.”

Jaemin would argue against that, except it is kind of nice. Yangyang’s warm and a good cuddler, and he doesn’t move around in his sleep. His breath hits the side of Jaemin’s neck in a steady rhythm, and eventually Jaemin naps as well.

Hours later, Yangyang has to leave for practice. He goes with a pout on his face, but it’s fake: he sees how much more relaxed Jaemin is after their impromptu cuddling session and considers it a job well done. Sicheng has to drag him away by the collar, Yangyang whining he didn’t get Renjun’s attention at all. Renjun ignores him with a smile threatening to split his face.

~

Days later, Jaemin wakes up to his phone’s ringtone blaring in his ears. He sits up in bed groggily and pats his bedside in search for his phone, accidentally swatting Jisung’s arm in the process. The call drops and, in the silence of the dorm, Jaemin tries to recall why Jisung would be here. Jaemin remembers cooking dinner last night – he’d made Chenle’s favourite dish, as a thank you – and then… ah, that’s right. Then Jisung had asked to talk to him.

Jaemin was well aware that he was, for lack of a better word, neglecting his members, spending all his free time either with Renjun or alone. He never meant to do it; he just needed time to get used to his new reality. He isn’t anywhere near accustomed to his new status, and he dreads the day he has to announce it to the public, but at least he has under control all the anxiety.

Well, not _all_ of it.

Jisung understood when Jaemin told him why he hadn’t been paying as much attention to him as he usually does, and he’d only asked Jaemin not to keep it all to himself if he could help it. “You’re always saying we should rely on you,” Jisung said, “I want you to rely on us, too.”

So, Jaemin made it up to him by asking him to a sleepover. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, mostly they watched videos together and then went to sleep because _any_ excuse to sleep is a good one, but Jaemin is glad they did it.

He’s still staring at Jisung’s sleeping face when his phone goes off again. Jisung groans and flops to the side, dragging the covers over his head in an attempt to block the noise. Jaemin shakes his head and locates his phone, squinting at the bright screen.

“Mom?” Jaemin murmurs. Why would his mother be calling? –

Oh. Right.

Joonhwa hyung warned him that, per company’s policy, they’d called his parents to let them know of his presentation. “I know you would have preferred to do it yourself,” Joonhwa said, “But you were passed out and they don’t like to take any chances.”

Jaemin only told him not to sweat it, because he didn’t know how to explain to him that they’d taken a huge load off his chest. Now, with his mom calling frantically, the load is back on. Jaemin inhales deeply before answering the call.

“Hi, mom,” he whispers, “Give me a second, okay? Jisung’s asleep.”

In the living room, Jaemin sits and counts to three before bringing his phone to his ear. The world outside their windows is dark and still, but Jaemin can see the beginning of sunlight filter through the clouds.

“Jaemin,” his mother says, and yeah, she sounds upset. “Why haven’t you taken any of my calls?”

“Why didn’t you tell me our family carries the gene?” Jaemin shoots back.

Honestly, Jaemin isn’t stupid. He knows there’s no way she didn’t know. There hasn’t been a case in history where someone simply happens to present, just like that. In order for someone to present, the gene has to be in their bloodline, and it has never gone dormant in a family for longer than two, maybe three generations at most.

His mother is speechless on her end of the line. Jaemin hears her babble something before falling silent, a sign that he’s right.

“Jaemin,” she says, “I really can explain.”

“Please, do,” Jaemin murmurs. He doesn’t want to fight with his mom nor does he want to be angry with her. He wants an answer, that’s all.

It takes her a full hour to tell him everything. In the meantime, the rest of the dorm wakes up, the boys trickling out of their rooms into the kitchen and living area. Jeno offers him his morning coffee, but Jaemin rejects it with a distracted shake of his head, and minutes later the members catch on that he isn’t in the mood and leave him alone. The sun is up when she is done with her story.

“Alright,” Jaemin says at last. “Thanks for telling me, I guess.” He hangs up.

Then he throws the phone to the ground and screams.

“Holy shit,” Donghyuck breathes out, diving for Jaemin. “Hey, hey, come on, breathe.”

Jaemin _can’t_ breathe. Everything his mom just told him, all the family secrets, all the lies they've fed him his entire life – it’s too much. He could have prepared for his presentation. He could’ve known from the beginning, and he didn’t, because his family can’t deal with the idea of carrying the gene.

“She lied to me,” Jaemin seethes, “My whole life, she lied to me, they all did.”

“Who did?” Donghyuck asks him.

“My family, all of them.”

Renjun kneels on the couch next to him, his hands hovering awkwardly over Jaemin’s back but never quite touching him. Chenle rushes out of the living room and comes back seconds later with Jaemin’s blanket, which he hastily throws over him. Jaemin makes to hold it but retracts his hands, worried he might rip it apart.

The members let him take all the time he needs before they press for answers. Jaemin vaguely registers he’s in a cuddle pile – which also happens to be his favourite thing to be – and only knows he’s warm on all sides. Jeno was a little adamant at the beginning to touch him, but Jisung frowned and dragged him down to sit next to him so Jeno had no choice.

Jaemin takes a lungful of breath, then another, and finally he says, “Okay. I can talk now.” He unclenches his fists and flexes his fingers, all the blood rushing back to its rightful places. “Um, trigger warning for rape and a shit ton of prejudice?”

The joke falls flat. Jaemin rubs his eyes with both hands and thinks where to start. “My mom said that the gene has been in our family for five generations. “

“And you didn’t know?” Jeno asks, then backtracks when he realises how it sounds. “I mean! It’s just, it’s weird, that you’ve had the gene for so long but never knew… ah, forget it.”

Jaemin shrugs. He can’t blame Jeno for it, considering that he’s right. It’s absurd Jaemin didn’t know anything about it. “The official version is that some wolf raped my great-great-grandmother and that offspring was the first wolf. And because it was so shameful, they never told anyone. Then that wolf had kids, and they had kids, and no one ever said anything to anyone about them carrying the gene.”

“That’s crazy,” Jisung says. “How could they keep that a secret?”

Jaemin frowns. Something tells him that isn’t the full story, much less the truth, but he doesn’t want to get into it with his members. He answers Jisung, “Sending the kids away and forbidding them to speak of it. Apparently, all these cousins of mine that I haven’t seen in years because they’re studying or living abroad are wolves too.”

“So they just hid away anyone that presented?” Chenle asks. “That’s insane.”

“They probably would have done the same to me, if I had presented earlier,” Jaemin says. “Or if I hadn’t joined the company. Oh, God, the company,” he groans.

“What is it?” Donghyuck asks.

“When I signed the training contract, they asked if there was any chance of me being a wolf and I said no,” he says, “but now they’re gonna know I lied, oh my God.”

“You didn’t lie,” Jeno reassures him, “because you didn’t know about it. They can’t hold you accountable for that, it isn’t your fault.”

“But they can sue my family,” Jaemin says, and he’s starting to hyperventilate, “They could definitely sue them, they lied, and I signed a contract based on lies, Jeno!”

“Call Joonhwa hyung,” Renjun orders Jeno. As the alpha leaves the room, Renjun turns his eyes to Jaemin and says, as firmly as he can, “Jaemin, I need you to slow down. You’re breathing too quickly; I don’t want you passing out.”

It’s true. Jaemin already feels lightheaded, the edges of his vision going black. He does his best to match Renjun’s breathing, focusing on Chenle’s hand that’s rubbing his nape. Donghyuck and Jisung stay near, not quite touching him but not going anywhere, either.

Jaemin doesn’t know how much time passes. Renjun doesn’t allow him to look away from his eyes, breathing slowly for Jaemin to follow, taking both his hand into his and squeezing them reassuringly. They remain like this until the door opens and Joonhwa walks into view, and even after that. Renjun either isn’t aware Joonhwa is standing awkwardly behind them or doesn’t care, pushing Jaemin to keep breathing with him until he’s satisfied.

When Renjun deems Jaemin calm enough, he lets his hands go. Jaemin blinks several times and looks behind Renjun to see Joonhwa properly, and their manager offers him a half-smile that borders on a grimace.

“Hey, kid,” Joonhwa waves, “Jeno said you needed to talk to me?”

“Yeah,” Jaemin rasps out. He tells Joonhwa about his conversation with his mom and about all the lies she told him, and shares his fear of the company retaliating against them, considering how his contract is based on mistruths. “Do you think they’ll sue? Do you think they’ll make me leave the group?”

Joonhwa’s eyes widen and he flounders momentarily. Chenle moves away from Jaemin’s side and Joonhwa takes his spot, making sure Jaemin is looking him in the eyes when he says, “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but that’s dumb as hell. No one is making you leave the group. You didn’t know about this, you had no idea you would be presenting, that isn’t your fault.” Joonhwa thinks for a moment and adds, “I don’t know if they’ll take actions against your family or not. No one can say that for sure except for the executives.”

Jaemin knew that last part already, but it’s nice to hear Joonhwa’s reassurance of his permanence in the group. Sometimes, it’s easy to forget Joonhwa is their manager, with how awkward he is at the role, and with how many times he’s fumbled through it, but at times like this, he really shows why he was chosen for the job.

“If you want, I can go into the building first thing in the morning and ask around,” Joonhwa offers, “I’ll even take Jeno with me.”

“Why me?” Jeno asks.

Joonhwa looks at him to say, “You’re currently the only alpha in the unit. The company takes alphas seriously.”

It’s a load of crap, as Renjun would say. It’s also true, unfortunately, and Jaemin knows it’s a good idea. Renjun says, “Ask Taeyong hyung if he can go with you, and Kun ge, too.”

Having all the alpha leaders in the meeting is a good idea. Jaemin mentally commends Renjun for his quick thinking. God knows he wouldn’t have thought about it. Then again, he’s not thinking clearly anymore.

“What do you think they’ll say?” Chenle asks Joonhwa.

Joonhwa stutters under their undivided attention, but he says, “I’m not sure. Lying about the gene is just off of illegal, as you know,” he tells them, “And the company doesn’t like being lied to in that regard. They run tests on the managers, before hiring us, to make sure we won’t be a danger to you.”

As most other manages, Joonhwa is human. It’s safer this way, the company says. Similarly, their bodyguards are often alphas or betas, and the stylists are omegas. Gendered roles don’t end with male or female around here, that’s for sure.

“I don’t think you’re in any danger of retaliation,” Joonhwa says finally, “But I can’t say the same for your family. Sorry,” he adds sheepishly.

“Don’t be,” Jaemin shakes his head. He’s right, after all. “And, thank you. I know you didn’t sign up for this.”

“What are you talking about?” Joonhwa asks, genuinely unaware of all the things he’s done for them. The thing is, he does a lot of things he doesn’t necessarily have to do, like the time Jisung and Donghyuck argued for hours and Chenle, tired of the bickering, had called Joonhwa at 2am to come end it for them. He’d actually shown up, too, still in his pyjamas but ready to stop the fight.

“You go out of your way to help us,” Jaemin explains, “all the time, and you don’t have to do it.”

“Being a manager doesn’t end with driving you places and making sure you don’t die,” Joonhwa says, “and I’ve come to care for you little rascals. So don’t thank me, it’s not necessary.”

It kind of is, Jaemin wants to argue. He sees Jisung open his mouth, frowning, but he doesn’t say anything either. Joonhwa doesn’t take compliments well, and Jaemin doesn’t think he’d appreciate them trying to reassure him.

“Would that be all?” Joonhwa asks, already standing up. “I have to go, my girlfriend wants to watch a movie tonight.”

“Yeah, sure, go ahead,” Jaemin nods, “Have fun.”

Joonhwa bows his way out, closing the door softly behind him. Jeno takes the discarded seat and asks Jaemin, “Are you feeling any better now?”

“Not really,” Jaemin admits, “But I will, once we hear from the company.”

Jeno nods and he resembles a bobbing head doll like this. Jaemin smiles faintly at Jeno’s worry for him and adds, “Thanks, though. I’ll be fine, Jen, don’t worry about me.”

“Have you met Jeno?” Donghyuck scoffs, bravado wavering under his clear distress, “He’ll worry himself to death over us, just you watch.”

Jeno chucks a throw pillow at his face. Donghyuck dodges it, barely, and it hits their TV instead. Then they stick their tongues out at each other.

“Wanna do something, try to take your head off things?” Renjun offers him.

Jaemin almost says no. One look at their hopeful gazes and he’s a goner, though. He agrees and braces himself for their enthusiastic cheering. It doesn’t come, at least not how he’s used to it. Any other day, they would have celebrated with loud whooping, but the most they do is smile excitedly and, in the case of Donghyuck, hop a little on the spot.

They order heaps of pizza, certainly far more than they’re allowed to it in a month, and gorge themselves until they’re so full they can’t walk. Then they eat some more, just because.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lemme know how you liked this chapter 🥺  
> [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5hwhHDtTzq4s9wi8pu0fXc?si=F9yTt5XYRESRJr_AGt7KLA)  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/doitsushine92)  
> [cc](curiouscat.me/doitsushine92)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wouldn’t be true to say that Hyunjin’s smile slips from his face. It just turns awry, like he doesn’t like this particular subject. “I did as noona told me,” he nods to Joohyun, “and told our main manager, who told the company, who fired him.”
> 
> “Usually, they do a better job at hiring managers,” Chaeyoung grumbles next to Hyunjin. “I still can’t believe they let something like that slip by them.”
> 
> Hyunjin shrugs, clearly uncomfortable. “He didn’t really do anything awful, or anything.”
> 
> “Don’t justify it,” Sehun says sternly, and Jaemin knows he’s speaking from experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: the first part of this chapter is the whole reason i wrote this fic in the first place

“We’re here,” their manager announces. Jaemin peers out the car window, hoping to get a sense of what’s ahead of him. It’s a nondescript building with a doorman and a potted plant on the front gate, but there aren’t any signs to indicate a name. Jaemin almost asks if she’s sure before Yangyang unbuckles his seatbelt and jumps out of the car, eager to start the meeting. “I’ll pick you guys up in two hours. Call me if you need anything.”

“Alright, thanks, noona,” Renjun does a mini bow as he slides across the seats and exits the car. Sicheng unplugs his phone from the car’s charger and thanks her as well, and then it’s just Jaemin in the car.

“Jaemin? Are you going?” she asks. She seems concerned for Jaemin, even as he shakes his head and steps out of the car.

Jaemin follows his friends inside the building. The lobby isn’t anything to awe over, just pale blue walls and a carpet that at least seems taken care of, not a speck of dirt on it. The front desk is empty save for a stack of magazines and an empty cup of coffee, which Jaemin guesses belongs to the doorman. There are a few chairs on the wall opposite to the desk, completing the “waiting room” feel. It would seem like an office building if it weren’t for the discreet anonymity and the lack of a directory anywhere. The doorman, an old man in his late sixties, bows in greeting and escorts them to the elevator, where he presses the button to the 11th floor before stepping out.

Renjun takes Jaemin’s hand in his and squeezes in solidarity. “Don’t be nervous, I promise they’re all friendly.”

The elevator music is awful, drowsy and on the wrong side of annoying. They seem used to it.

“They’re all excited to see you,” Sicheng adds. He looks half-asleep on his feet, swaying side to side. It makes sense, since WayV was in rehearsal all day since 6. “Hao yelled at me when I told him how long ago you presented.”

“ _I cannot believe you didn’t bring him sooner!_ ” Renjun imitates their friend, voice pitched higher than necessary. “ _That is so irresponsible of you!_ ”

Yangyang snorts and nudges Jaemin’s side. “Seriously, dude, don’t worry about anything.”

“I’m not worried,” Jaemin argues softly. And he’s not! He’s scared out of his mind, but he’s not nervous.

The elevator doors ring open. Their party of four steps out and Jaemin follows them closely as they walk down the hall. The hallway is well lit and clean, though all the doors appear to be shut. Only one seems to lead to a room with any kind of life, the one at the far left. Jaemin can hear faint voices through the walls.

Sicheng throws the door open and walks inside without a care in the world, bowing in greeting to the people inside. Jaemin, still several steps away from the doorway, hears them call out their names, and he sees Yangyang’s whole face light up as he joins the party. Only Renjun sticks to Jaemin’s side, still holding his hand.

“You ready?” Renjun asks him.

Jaemin steels his nerves and gives a jerky nod in response. Renjun, probably sensing Jaemin is as ready as he’ll ever be, tugs him forward the last three steps and leads him inside the room.

Okay, this isn’t so bad. The room, Jaemin notices, is bigger than he thought it would be. The walls are white, plain, but a few informational posters add a splash of colour. Someone arranged the chairs in a circle large enough to fit everyone, and there’s a snack table at the far end.

Jaemin recognizes all the faces in the room. This isn’t, of course, the only omega support group in the industry – it would be impossible to fit so many idols in one room, after all – but he realises quickly that most of the omega idols he knows are here. Jaemin never bothered to think about how the group must have come to be, although now he suspects it has a lot to do with connections and who knows whom.

In one corner, sit Sana and Chaeyoung, both of who seem to be eagerly chatting with Hyunjin. Hyunjin, upon spotting Jaemin, waves at him with a cheery smile, and Jaemin does his best at reciprocating. His tummy is tightening into knots, though, and he suspects it’s visible even from afar. A little ways away from them, Hyungwon, Yeeun, Minghao, and Wonwoo sit together, speaking in lower tones. Jaemin knows Yeeun through Jeno, considering the girl practically adopted him during their times as MCs, and he’s familiar with the Seventeen members as well, but Hyungwon has always been a face he knows but doesn’t speak to.

Much more familiar, Joohyun and Seulgi are in the room, and next to them is Sehun. Jaemin releases a breath he didn’t know he has holding, glad to see them here. If all else fails, he can hide behind Seulgi and pretend she isn’t smaller than he is.

Finally, Renjun drags Jaemin to another corner of the room. There is Eric, his face half hidden under a baseball cap, and he’s talking to two familiar yet unfamiliar faces. Jaemin recognizes Xion – his real name is Dongju, Jaemin knows that, but they’ve never spoken a word to each other and so Jaemin thinks it’s best to call him by his stage name – as the boy with black hair, but he doesn’t know his companion. He thinks he looks vaguely familiar, though.

“Jaemin, bro!” Eric greets him cheerfully. He’s always so happy, Jaemin thinks. “Good to see you, man.”

“Likewise,” Jaemin smiles. He directs a polite bow in the two other’s direction. “Hello, I’m Jaemin, it’s nice to meet you.”

The two start to reciprocate, but Yangyang cuts them off – not rudely –. The boy sometimes materialises out of fucking nowhere. “Jaem, meet Dongju and Hyunggu hyung! They’re in brother groups. I still don’t know what that means but I just go with it.”

Both boys sigh in tandem, as if they’re used to it by now. Dongju says to Jaemin, “I’m in an idol group, Hyunggu hyung is in a band with my twin. We were debuted as brother groups, we’re supposed to promote together.” The way he says it, shows that hasn’t happened yet.

“Ah, I met your brother once,” Jaemin nods, glad to have something to latch onto. “Renjun and I met him at the MBC building. Dongmyeong, right?”

Dongju nods, smiling a little. “I’m not surprised. As soon as he found out fans think they look alike, he started hounding me to introduce them. I held out purely out of spite.”

“You’re lucky they met by chance,” Hyunggu intervenes, looking at Dongju through his bangs. His voice is softer than Jaemin imagined, “otherwise, Yonghoon hyung was gearing up to play peace maker.”

Even though Dongju rolls his eyes, he seems fond. Before anyone else can say anything or the conversation draws out to awkwardness, Joohyun clears her throat and suggests they should start for tonight. Everyone takes a seat in the circle, and Jaemin ends up sitting between Renjun and Yangyang, his two friends pushing their chairs closer than necessary.

“I think the first order of business should be to welcome Jaemin to our group,” she suggests, smiling at him with the same sisterly smile she’s always had for the Dream members. “We were all shocked to hear about your presentation, but I hope we can make things a little easier for you.”

“I still can’t believe it took these four idiots over two months to bring you here,” Minghao pipes up. Sicheng, sitting next to him – their thighs are brushing, their chairs pushed together -, slaps his arm lightly with a scoff.

Joohyun rolls her eyes at them and directs her attention to Jaemin. Jaemin’s used to seeing her at the company, he’s seen her in both idol outfits as well as street clothes, he’s seen her soaked in sweat from practice and half-asleep from lack of rest, and he can safely conclude she’s one of the prettiest idols in the industry. Even now, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, her hair messily thrown together in a ponytail and not a speck of makeup on her face, she looks prettier than everyone else in the room.

Okay, so Jaemin has had a bit of a crush on her since he was twelve, sue him.

“You don’t have to talk today, not if you don’t feel comfortable yet,” Joohyun tells him. “You can just listen to us, get a feel of the group and all that.”

Seulgi, the complete opposite to her band-mate, is dressed to the nines. Jaemin suspects she had a schedule right before coming here. She says, “Who would like to start, then?”

Several pairs of eyes swivel to Dongju, who groans. “He’s still being an annoying shit.”

“Language,” Sehun mutters. He doesn’t sound like he means it and more as if he’s trying to enforce his role of oldest man in the room.

“It’s not that bad,” Hyunggu tries to amend, patting Dongju’s shoulder. “I mean, it’s nothing you haven’t experienced before with Yonghoon hyung, right? He was just as overprotective as Youngjo hyung is now, you just need to talk to him the way you did before.”

“You don’t think I’ve _tried_?” Dongju says. It comes out as more of a whine. “I get that he’s not doing it because he thinks I’m weak, I know he has good intentions, but sometimes the babying is too much. Geonhak hyung says I should just let him be, but what does he know? He doesn’t have to put up with his shit,” he grumbles the last part.

Hyunjin cocks his head to the side and says, “Maybe try some subtlety next time? Instead of directly telling him that he’s bothering you, say it with your actions. It worked for me with Minho hyung.”

Dongju chews on his bottom lip, thinking. After a handful of seconds, he sighs in defeat. “I guess I haven’t tried that. Thanks, I’ll give it a chance.” Hyunjin only smiles in response. “How’d it go with the manager?”

It wouldn’t be true to say that Hyunjin’s smile slips from his face. It just turns awry, like he doesn’t like this particular subject. “I did as noona told me,” he nods to Joohyun, “and told our main manager, who told the company, who fired him.”

“Usually, they do a better job at hiring managers,” Chaeyoung grumbles next to Hyunjin. “I still can’t believe they let something like that slip by them.”

Hyunjin shrugs, clearly uncomfortable. “He didn’t really do anything awful, or anything.”

“Don’t justify it,” Sehun says sternly, and Jaemin knows he’s speaking from experience. It’s an unspoken thing at the company, what happened with one of EXO’s managers back in 2013. “He was way out of line with the way he talked to you.”

“I know that,” Hyunjin ducks his head. “I just don’t like conflict, that’s all.” He falls silent after that and no one pushes him to continue.

Seulgi shifts uncomfortably in her seat for several seconds before standing up, grumbling, and going to the snacks table. She picks up the largest, saltiest bag of chips and goes to town on it, sitting back down with a frown. “Working during heats is the worst,” she complains. Joohyun pats her shoulder. “I’ve been craving these bitches all day.”

“Language,” Sehun says, again, but he doesn’t sound like he means it as much with her than he did with Dongju.

“I mean,” Seulgi ignores him, “Would it kill management to give me a few days off? Is it that hard?” Her eyes turn to look at Jaemin and a look of determination plasters itself on her face. “Jaemin, when you go into heat, you let noona know. I’ll make sure the company gives you plenty of rest.”

Sehun nods, smiling. “Me, too. I know it’s shitty.”

“What happened to language?” Yangyang mumbles. Sehun doesn’t answer him.

“You’re kinda lucky, Jaemin-ssi,” Chaeyoung tells him, considering, “You have many omega seniors in the company willing to stand up for you.”

“There aren’t many omegas in JYP,” Sana sighs. “Just us three and Yugyeom oppa. He usually comes to our meetings but he’s busy with preparations for a comeback.”

“It’s not just us, either,” Joohyun adds, “Taemin and Taeyeon unnie wanted us to tell you they have your back, too.”

Sicheng offers Jaemin a comforting smile, “Besides, Taeyong hyung will make sure you get what’s fair, just like us. Don’t worry your little head too much, okay?”

Jaemin doesn’t like being in the spotlight like this. His chest burns with embarrassment and the need to spill his guts that’s bubbling up his throat, something telling him they won’t judge, but he stays silent. He can’t afford to insult them so early on, especially when he isn’t so sure himself how he feels.

Instead, Jaemin offers what he hopes is a genuine enough grin and says, “Thank you. Really. I’m still trying to… to wrap my head around all this, so I really appreciate it.”

“That’s why we wanted you to come tonight,” Minghao says suddenly, “so you could see for yourself.”

Jaemin blinks. It sounds as if Minghao knows what’s going through his head, and if Jaemin weren’t so engrossed in thinking if it’s really that obvious, if he’s really wearing his emotions on his face so plainly, he would wonder why Minghao looks so understanding.

For the following hour, the other idols take their turns. Eric whines about preparations for an upcoming show they’ll participate in and how hard it is sometimes for him to concentrate with so many alphas in just one room, going misty eyed at the mention of his past omega buddy in the group, and Yeeun – for lack of a better word – bitches about Cube not knowing shit about handling creepy alpha fans that think they have some sort of right over her and her band-mates.

Chaeyoung speaks of the new scent dampeners the company put in place in the training rooms and how much better they work in comparison to the old ones. Apparently, in the old days, you could only train for so many hours before the scents started to clog the room and made everything that much harder for everyone involved.

Sana, on her end, doesn’t really talk about omega issues. Actually, she tells them about how she nearly sprained her ankle during rehearsals a few days ago, and how painful it had been, even today. Hyungwon doesn’t have much to say, mentioning offhandedly how Minhyuk’s rut had been the most interesting aspect of their personal lives in the last few months.

“Have you heard how alphas sometimes get… I don’t know, dumb? During their ruts?” Hyungwon scratches his chin, deep in thought. “This had never happened to him before. Even when we were younger and our cycles used to sync up,” he smiles faintly, “he was always lucid enough to make sure I didn’t die.”

“It happens to Baekhyun hyung too,” Sehun laughs. “He gets super clingy and refuses to let me out of his sight sometimes. It used to annoy the fuck out of me.”

“Language,” three voices say at once. Sehun rolls his eyes and huffs something about that being his line.

Wonwoo and Minghao both say they don’t have much to share tonight. “Truth be told, we came because it’s habit for us,” Wonwoo says. “I feel like the only thing worth mentioning is that Seungcheol hyung threatened to throw Chan out the window the other day if he kept growling at random strangers.”

“Why was he growling at people?” Eric asks, barely managing to hold in his laughter.

Minghao snorts. “Baby rut. He’s teething, too.”

Jaemin blinks and tries to imagine Lee Chan teething. It’s too much and he desperately discards the thought before it can ruin his life.

“He ruined a perfectly good sweater of mine,” Wonwoo pouts. “That’s the last time I’m ever letting him take my shit, I swear.”

“Bullshit,” Hyungwon and Minghao say. Wonwoo doesn’t deny it.

“What about you, Hyunggu?” Joohyun asks. “Anything to share?”

Apparently, Jaemin isn’t the only one uncomfortable with being put on the spot. Hyunggu rubs the back of his neck and shrugs, saying, “Not really. We’re preparing our album but they’re just using our old songs, from before joining the company. The only new one is gonna be the title track.” There’s no mistaking the hint of bitterness in his voice, even if he tries to cover it up by saying, “But, hey, a debut’s a debut. I’m not really about to start complaining about that.”

Next to him, Dongju frowns and purses his lips.

“What about the other babies?” Yeeun asks, nodding toward the three sitting together.

Next to Jaemin, Yangyang sighs. “I feel like death would be an easier route to take, at this point.” His dramatics are met with silence, so they must be used to it. “Kun ge is looking into some new suppressants I could use but…”

“That bad, huh?” Hyunjin winces.

Yangyang shrugs. “I guess. It’s not just the scent; it’s how overwhelming it gets, sometimes. I freaked Xuxi out the other day because my arms and legs were locking up and he didn’t know what to do.”

“That wasn’t your fault,” Sicheng says sharply. However, Yangyang is done talking, and they don’t push him to continue.

Finally, only Renjun is left to speak. “I don’t have much to tell other than Jeno is acting more possessive than normal and it’s getting old.” Someone snorts, though Jaemin can’t tell whom. “And I don’t know if it’s because of Jaem’s presentation or what.”

“Really?” Eric raises an eyebrow. Renjun, as Jaemin does, gives him a puzzled look. Eric raises the other eyebrow and looks away, muttering, “Unbelievable.”

~

Back at the dorms, Jaemin walks into his room to find Donghyuck waiting for him. Yangyang had gone straight to the WayV dorms, giving them finger guns and a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and Sicheng had gone after him with a defeated slump of his shoulders. Meanwhile, Renjun had offered to make them a late night snack while Jaemin changed clothes.

“What are you doing here?” Jaemin asks in surprise. He thought that, if anything, he would find Jisung in here.

Donghyuck looks up from his phone with an exasperated glance. “I wanted to check in on you, obviously.”

Jaemin blinks. “I’m fine?” he tries. “The meeting was okay, I guess, and everyone was understanding when I didn’t want to talk about myself.”

The beginning of a frown mars Donghyuck’s face before he schools his expression back to something neutral. Still, Jaemin saw it. “Yeah, but. Whatever,” he tsks.

If anything, Jaemin is even more confused now. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Donghyuck grumbles, standing up from Jaemin’s bed and brushing past him. “I’ll see you tomorrow at rehearsals.”

“Hyuck, wait,” Jaemin calls after him, but he gets no response, and soon after comes the slam of the door as Donghyuck leaves their dorm. Jeno pokes his head from his own room and looks at Jaemin questioningly, but he doesn’t know what that was about, either.

“Was he waiting in there for long?” Jaemin asks Jeno.

Jeno looks at the time on his phone and cocks his head. “Kinda, yeah. He’s been here since a little after seven. He said he wanted to see you.”

A cold pit opens in his stomach. Jaemin swallows past the lump in his throat and says, “I fucked up.”

“What?” Jeno frowns.

“I shouldn’t have been so dismissive,” Jaemin mumbles, “God, I’m a dick.”

Jeno finally moves past his doorframe and grabs Jaemin by the shoulder, spinning him so they’re face to face. Jeno’s eyes are full of compassion, as well as determination, as he says, “Don’t say that. God knows what you’re going through right now, you have a right to want to be alone.”

“I didn’t even say I wanted to be alone,” Jaemin whines, uncaring if he sounds like a child. “He was just asking how the meeting went and I brushed it off…”

“Jaem. Listen to me,” Jeno waits for Jaemin’s eyes to lock with his before continuing, “Until two months ago, you had no idea what being an omega was like. Now you only halfway know, there’s still so much you need to learn about yourself. You need to focus on yourself right now, okay? I’ll talk to Hyuck in the morning.”

Jaemin wants to argue. He’s a grown man, for crying out loud. He should be able to take care of shit on his own, he shouldn’t rely on his best friend to do it for him. Not to mention, he has a feeling Donghyuck won’t be too happy with Jeno talking to him on Jaemin’s behalf.

Last year, Jaemin would have been on the same page as Donghyuck. He would have been upset if Jeno or Mark tried to meddle in his business with, say, Renjun. He would have demanded to speak to Renjun himself and not through the two alphas.

He still feels the same way, or at least half of him does. The other half is clawing at his heart and urging him to take the offer, to let Jeno handle things. He wants to go back into his room and snuggle in his blankets, exhausted of the day. He kinda wants to ask Jeno and Renjun to cuddle with him, and it’s different to how he usually feels. Before, it was mostly out of fun, knowing they get flustered with too much affection.

Now, it’s more like he needs to be with them. Just having Jeno’s hand touching his shoulder, two layers of clothes between their skins, has something in Jaemin going crazy. He’s tempted to just lean into him and let Jeno take care of everything.

Jaemin shakes his head and tries to clear his thoughts. “I don’t know, Jen… I don’t think he’ll like that very much.”

To his credit, Jeno understands that perfectly. “Okay, you talk to him, then. Tomorrow. Right now, Renjun is obviously cooking something and your stomach hasn’t stopped growling, so why don’t we go and eat, okay?”

The hand on his shoulder grips a little tighter and Jaemin allows Jeno to lead him down the hall and to the kitchen, where Renjun is plating grilled cheese sandwiches. He obviously knows something happened just now, but he doesn’t ask about it.

“I made some for Jisung and Chenle, too,” Renjun says before hollering for the two boys. Chenle recently moved back into the dorms to prepare for their comeback, and even though he’s supposed to be rooming with Jeno, he walks out of Jisung’s room. “Come eat, I made sandwiches.”

“How was the meeting?” Chenle asks Jaemin, his eyes glinting with genuine curiosity.

Jaemin considers his words before replying. “It was nice. I liked it. Sehun hyung was there, and so were Joohyun and Seulgi noonas. Eric and Hyunjin, too,” he adds, looking at Jeno. Jeno lights up just a bit at the mention of his friends. “I wasn’t – I didn’t expect some of the things I heard, to be honest.”

“Like what?” Renjun asks through a mouthful. It’s barely understandable.

“Like the teething thing,” Jaemin frowns, “Or the thing about Minhyuk-ssi getting dumb during his rut? Has that happened to you?” he asks Jeno.

“No to the teething,” Jeno says right away, uncaring of sharing such things, “And a halfway yes to the dumb thing. I don’t know exactly how he’s doing, but I know that I get a bit, I don’t know, unaware during my ruts. It’s like I forget a lot of things that I’m supposed to know by de facto.”

“Such as?” Chenle asks.

Renjun, before Jeno can answer, says, “Like how to put on a shirt. How to unlock his phone. That I’m not a damn pillow.”

Jeno smiles sheepishly. Chenle giggles at the response and says, “Wow, I didn’t know what. How come we’ve never seen you like that?”

Jeno shrugs. “I usually keep it under wraps. It isn’t easy for humans to tell when an alpha is in rut, or when an omega is in heat. Most of the time, you can only tell by scent, and even then, a good type of scent dampener takes care of that.”

Jisung, who’d stayed quiet throughout the meal while demolishing his sandwich, says, “Anything else you’d like to share with the class before I pass the fuck out?” He yawns widely.

“I didn’t realise that SM has so many omegas until tonight,” Jaemin says. “Just in NCT there’s three - _four_ , of us. Most groups seem to have two, at most.”

“Our company has never done things like others,” Renjun chuckles, “and, at least they do a decent job at protecting us. They could do better, but it isn’t as bad as other companies.”

Jaemin considers his words and realises it’s true. While he’s heard his band-mates complain before, he’s never seen anything get out of hand or become too bad. And he’s heard horror stories from the news and other idols he knows, so he suspects SM might have do something right, after all.

“You kids should go to bed,” Jeno says to Chenle and Jisung. Their attempts at protest are ruined by the equal yawns they give and Jeno only stares at them until they go to their rooms.

While Jeno takes their dishes to the sink, Renjun hauls Jaemin to the living room. Very seriously, he says, “It’s cuddling hours.”

“What?” Jaemin can’t help but laugh. If you hadn’t heard him, you’d think Renjun just announced something terrible.

“Jeno, get on the couch first,” Renjun instructs. Jeno, amused, does so. After he’s settled with his back against the armrest and his legs stretched in front of him, Renjun manhandles Jaemin to lie chest to chest with Jeno, and then flops on his back. “Stop complaining and enjoy.”

Jaemin shuts his mouth with a huff. Jeno’s laughing above him, patting what he can reach of Jaemin’s head. They aren’t exactly comfortable, except probably for Renjun, but Jeno is able to take care of that by slotting his legs with Jaemin’s and shifting lower on the couch, so his back isn’t so straight anymore.

“Why are we doing this?” Jaemin asks. He’s already starting to relax into Jeno’s hold, though.

“Because you’re stupidly tense and you’re never gonna be able to sleep like that,” Renjun says pointedly into his neck. Then, softer, “I know what happened with Hyuck upset you, but you can’t do anything about it tonight. Let us help you and then tomorrow you can talk to him, yeah?”

“I already agreed to that,” Jaemin says. “But yeah, fine.”

“Good,” Jeno smiles that stupidly blinding smile of his. “This is nice, right?”

“I guess,” Jaemin grumbles. He isn’t about to admit how fucking good this feels. They can probably tell, either way, because with how pressed together they are, there’s no way they can’t feel the fast beating of his heart. He’s all but a puddle of goo as Jeno pets him and Renjun snuggles into his neck, just how Jaemin had wanted them to do earlier tonight.

They’re mind readers, probably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no i will not stop adding my other biases in every fic i write that's just not happening
> 
> i think you should expect updates to be even slower than they are now because my motivation and energy are down the drain but rest assured i will not be discontinuing this story lol


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tent smells heavily of hair products and perfume. There’s also an undertone of sweat, hormones and human-typical smells, which Jaemin can easily ignore if he tries. There are slivers of sunlight that filter through the gaps in the fabric, highlighting the glow of Jeno’s eyes. Jeno takes a deep breath as he locks eyes with Jaemin and says, “Jaem, someone leaked the news of your presentation to the media.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello good evening i hope you guys enjoy this update!! idk if you noticed, but the chapter count went up to 11 bc i cannot control myself in the slightest

Jaemin huffs a sigh and rubs his hands on his jeans, feeling the sweat reappear within seconds. He’s been told to stop messing with his hair, since he shouldn’t ruin the stylist’s work, and he feels he might go insane if he doesn’t do _something_ with his hands. He wishes he had gum. Or hard candy. Or, dear God, some fucking coffee.

“Stop fidgeting,” Renjun scolds him lightly. Chenle hums in agreement from behind his phone, half-heartedly. “We’re almost done here, we’ll get to go home soon.” His voice, Jaemin thinks, sounds awfully tight. Perhaps he also feels the strange atmosphere in the air. Jaemin’s gut is screaming at him that something’s wrong, but he doesn’t know what that something might be.

They’re shooting the photo teasers for Dream’s upcoming comeback today. They arrived to the set early in the morning – an amusement park, of all places – to find the area deserted. Joonhwa told them the company had rented the location for them to use, something about privacy, but Jaemin knows it’s because management doesn’t want anyone outside of contract to get a whiff of him. Jaemin’s scent is still out of hand, which everyone insists will cease once he’s had his first heat.

Jeno’s doing his individual shots while Donghyuck naps inside the makeup tent, pretending he isn’t avoiding Jaemin like the plague. It’s been three weeks since their argument – Jaemin isn’t sure what they had _was_ an argument – and Donghyuck has done an impressive job at pretending Jaemin doesn’t exist. The hyungs don’t seem to have a clue as to what’s bothering him, except maybe Taeyong, but they’ve always stayed out of Dream’s business for the most part.

Jaemin can’t count how many times Donghyuck’s up and left the room when Jaemin’s walked in. He isn’t even staying at the Dream dorms, in spite of the fact that preparations for their comeback started a while ago, claiming it’s no trouble at all having to wake up half an hour earlier to be at the building on time. Mark, on his end, gave up on meddling a week later, after Donghyuck told him to fuck off.

No attempts to talk to him work. Jaemin wishes Donghyuck wouldn’t be so damn stubborn, sometimes, but it is what it is. Jaemin should know, considering he’s just as stubborn as he is - which is why he hasn’t given up on chasing after him. The more Donghyuck evades him, the more Jaemin looks for him.

Jisung disappeared sometime around noon, although Jaemin suspects he’s off talking to that girl trainee he met weeks ago. Jaemin bounces on the heels of his feet and ignores the sinking feeling in his stomach. The sun is sweltering today, and there are still several hours of shooting left.

“Do you think we’ll get to ride any of those?” Chenle nods toward the rollercoasters wistfully. Renjun snorts, to which Chenle sighs and says, “A guy can dream.”

“Probably,” Jaemin shrugs, “I mean, what’s the harm? It’s just a rollercoaster.”

“They’ll probably take us back to the studio to continue recording,” Renjun says. He’s squinting under the harsh sunlight, trying to catch a glimpse of Jeno by the carrousel. Jaemin is kind enough not to point out his eagerness.

As Jaemin fans himself with his shirt – flimsy, is the only word to describe it – and ponders the pros and cons of bribing a staff member to buy him an overly sugary drink, he sees Joonhwa’s frazzled form shoot from one end of the set to the other. He speaks in low tones to each staff member he crosses, something quick before moving on to the next one, and he catches the attention of all Dream members.

“What’s that about?” Chenle mutters. They can hear the photographer instruct Jeno to focus back on the shoot, although Jeno seems more preoccupied with following Joonhwa with his eyes. Eventually, the photographer sighs and lets him go, saying they probably have enough photos already.

Jeno’s next to them in a flash, automatically coming to stand next to Renjun. Now that Jaemin’s nose has upgraded – and, wow, human noses can’t smell _shit_ \- he noticed how much those two reek of each other. He knew they were always together, hanging off of each other whenever they had the chance, Jeno clinging to Renjun’s waist and back like second nature, but he never knew the lengths of it.

It is true Renjun and Mark spend a lot of time together, too, and it’s the same for Jeno and Mark, but. But. Renjun has never smelled like Mark, or vice versa. Not to mention, this level of attachment has been increasing the past several weeks, to the point it’s extremely rare to see the one without the other. Jaemin suspects something is going on there, but he has his own shit to tend to, he doesn’t have time to worry about their love life.

“What’s going on?” Jeno asks them. All three shake their heads to signal they don’t know, either.

Twenty minutes later, give or take, Jaemin’s up for the individual shoot. Frankly speaking, he goes through the motions, moving here and there, as he’s instructed, but his mind is far away. The entire day, he’s felt off, out of balance, and seeing Joonhwa so skittish, and avoiding the members because he knows he won’t survive their questioning, only adds to his nervousness.

Through the years, Jaemin has developed the ability to split into two while at work. There’s idol Jaemin, professional and fully capable of focusing on the task at hand, as it is his job, whether it is a photo shoot, a recording, or a performance. Then, there’s Na Jaemin, a boy who’s halfway through a freak out.

Jaemin keeps one eye on the members as he poses for the camera, until the photographer announces that will be all and calls for a break. Jaemin bows and thanks him for his hard work, apologizing for being so out of it. The man grunts and more or less dismisses him, reaching for a towel to wipe his neck. Jaemin does genuinely feel bad that he wasn’t entirely there for his shot, but his mind is scattered a thousand which ways.

He re-joins his members outside the makeup tent and immediately knows something is wrong. Chenle won’t stop scrolling through his phone while a frown deepens on his face, and Jeno’s looking at him as if he just witnessed Jaemin’s murder. Renjun, on the other hand, appears absolutely livid.

“We need to talk,” Renjun says firmly, taking Jaemin by the wrist and leading him inside the tent. The stylists and makeup artists disperse when they see them, perhaps sensing the urgency with which Renjun is holding onto Jaemin. Renjun bows to them in gratitude, and as soon as the members are alone, he makes a beeline for Donghyuck’s sleeping form and nudges him awake. “Hyuck. Wake up, we have a problem.”

Donghyuck snorts awake in an instant. His eyes focus on them, flicking to Jaemin’s form for a second before they move back to Renjun. “What’s going on?”

Jisung comes inside the tent then. As the others did, he seems to be upset, a grimace twisting his features. He’s holding his phone tightly in one hand. “Did you guys see?”

“We’re gonna talk about it now,” Jeno informs him, waving him closer. Jisung goes to sit by him, looking for all intents and purposes the young boy he is. His widened eyes only add to it.

“What’s going on?” Jaemin parrots Donghyuck’s earlier question.

Renjun tries a few times to speak, but comes up with nothing. Eventually, he looks at Jeno, who sighs and puts on his leader hat for this conversation. “Jaemin, why don’t you sit down?”

Jaemin doesn’t want to sit down. He wants to know what the hell has his members staring at him as if they’re picking the flowers to place on his casket. Jaemin almost says that aloud, but he knows Jeno wouldn’t ask him to sit down for nothing, so he does. The only remaining seat is next to Donghyuck, and for once, he doesn’t run away.

The tent smells heavily of hair products and perfume. There’s also an undertone of sweat, hormones and human-typical smells, which Jaemin can easily ignore if he tries. There are slivers of sunlight that filter through the gaps in the fabric, highlighting the glow of Jeno’s eyes. Jeno takes a deep breath as he locks eyes with Jaemin and says, “Jaem, someone leaked the news of your presentation to the media.”

~

They cancel the photo shoot for the day. They send the entire staff home ahead of them, with a heavy warning from Joonhwa and another manager that the company will be calling them soon, to cross check everyone's stories. Joonhwa tells the members that the shoot will be rescheduled for another time.

While the other manager leaves for the company to do damage control, Joonhwa drives the Dream members back to the dorms. Jisung sits on the passenger’s seat next to Joonhwa, quietly asking him the questions Jaemin has on the tip of his tongue, but doesn’t have the courage to ask.

Joonhwa had been a little upset when he came into the tent and found out they had told Jaemin the news, saying, “Of course you told him – why would you wait for your hyung to do it?” But he cooled down instantly and told them to wait for him inside the tent while he dispatched the last of the staff members.

As it appears, everything about his circumstances is public knowledge. This includes the fact that his family lied about carrying the gene, which seems to be the number one thing causing uproar. It wouldn’t be so bad if Jaemin were simply a late bloomer – sure, there would be people mad, but that’s a given. The problem is the lying.

Joonhwa drives quickly but safely back to the dorms. Chenle said he’d seen tweets circulating around his feed talking about protests, and that it would be safer to get back as soon as possible, considering the amount of people that have their address. Chenle sits at the back of the van with Donghyuck, their heads bent together as they look at all their social medias to have a sense of the situation.

In the middle seats, Jaemin falls apart, and he doesn’t think anything will help him this time. Not even Jeno and Renjun, who sit as close to him as possible, do much to ease his racing heart.

“We don’t know who leaked the information,” Joonhwa told them, “yet.” Jaemin thinks it would be a good idea to start by looking into some of their managers. “I’m driving you home and I’m staying with you until we have this figured out, okay?”

“Thank you, hyung,” Jeno said. He didn’t sound enthusiastic at all, which Joonhwa probably understood.

As they approach their dorm building, Joonhwa lets out a curse that he normally wouldn’t say around them if you held a gun to his head. Jaemin looks up from his lap and his heart drops out of his chest when he sees the masses of people blocking the street.

“The doors are locked, right?” Donghyuck mumbles. Joonhwa nods, and then unlocks and locks them again.

Most people are dressed head to toe in black, not doing anything but stand there. Others have signs in their hands. Absolutely everyone turns to look at the car and just… stare. They don’t move out of the way until Joonhwa is three inches from running them over, which is when they part. Even then, the crowd moves slowly, barely giving them space to move a handful of meters forward each minute.

With every passing second, Jaemin’s anxiety rises. The inside of the car reeks of fear and worry, Renjun clutching Jaemin’s hand with a vicelike grip. Jeno tenses, ready to bolt, but his body doesn’t move an inch. Jaemin can feel the heat rolling off his body and the onslaught of hormones he lets out.

Jaemin can read some of the signs. None is kind, all are demanding his removal from the group, an apology for lying, calling him names. How they managed to have those ready in so little time is beyond him. It’s been what, an hour? Tops? Since the news leaked. A part of him, the part that’s firmly detached from reality, is amused at how much free time some people seem to have.

They all heave a sigh of relief when the garage doors close behind them. Joonhwa continues driving down the ramp until he reaches their assigned parking space, but even then, they stay put in the car, long after Joonhwa’s turned off the engine.

Finally, Jaemin says, “Holy shit.”

~

"Hey."

Renjun stands by the door to Jaemin's room, dressed in baggy sweats and a hoodie. He has a beanie pulled low over his head and his face mask hangs from his neck. "We called an emergency meeting with the support group, come on."

"I don't want to," Jaemin says. The sound is lost in the folds of his blankets. His room is plunged into darkness, save for the light that comes in from the hallway and one of his computers’ screensavers.

After getting home from the shoot, Jaemin made a beeline for his room and shut himself in, unresponsive to anyone that came knocking. Joonhwa, after many failed attempts, simply sighed and promised he'd do his best at the meeting with management the next day, while Jisung and Chenle said they'd be in Jisung's room in case he needed anything. Jeno hasn't stopped by, although Jaemin guesses it's because he knows Jaemin needs to be alone, for the moment. Donghyuck knocked on his door once, told him he’d be at 127’s with Mark, and to holler if he needed to be rescued.

Renjun, however, doesn't seem to have gotten the memo. He enters the room and rips one blanket out of Jaemin's grip, groaning in frustration when he realises Jaemin has three separate blankets weighing him down. Jaemin buries his face further into his pillow and plays dead.

"Come on, Jaem," Renjun insists, ripping off another blanket. "You need to come to a meeting."

"No, I don't. What I need is to stay here until I grow roots and cannot be physically moved from this bed." Jaemin latches tightly onto his final barrier and doesn't allow Renjun take it away, too.

"And what is that gonna accomplish? Huh?" Renjun huffs and stops playing tug of war with Jaemin, letting him keep the final blanket. Jaemin sees him rub his eyes tiredly from the sliver of space between his pillow and his face. "Listen, I won't even try to say I know what you're going through, because I don't. But I do know that you need us, your friends, right now."

"They're your friends, not mine. I can't just spill my guts to a bunch of strangers." Jaemin didn’t mean to sound so bitter, but it’s something he’s been holding back for a while.

"How do you think we all became close?" Renjun snorts. "Oversharing and ranting is the whole reason we're all friends in the first place." When Jaemin doesn't reply, Renjun continues, "We got close to Eric because he told us how Younghoon's alpha scent triggered his first heat. Sana shares that she often vomits for days before she goes into heat. We know about each other's heats, about our love lives, our secrets, shit that not even our band mates know. “

Renjun paces in front of his bed, gesturing wildly as he gets more and more worked up. Jaemin doesn’t spare him more than a glance.

“You think Yugyeom hyung has told Jaebum-ssi he's in love with him? Or that the Monsta X members know Hyungwon hyung and Minhyuk-ssi mated before they debuted? Or that anyone in EXO knows Sehun hyung was -" he stops abruptly. "Whatever. My point is, that group exists for a reason."

"What stuff have you told them you haven't told us?" Jaemin asks. He’s deflecting, buying time.

Renjun sighs. "Figures you'd ask that." The bed dips as Renjun sits on the edge of Jaemin's mattress and he says, "I lost my virginity to Mark hyung during Go era."

Jaemin bolts up at that. He gapes at Renjun in surprise, checking his face to make sure Renjun isn't just fucking with him. He isn't. That… wasn’t something Jaemin was expecting, he’ll admit that much.

"What?" Jaemin squeaks.

"I got a really bad heat," Renjun elaborates, telling the story as if he's told it a thousand times. Or maybe he doesn't see it as something worth more excitement. "It was painful, and I wanted it to end. We were in the middle of promotions, you'd just gotten back, we were going to be promoting with the hyungs for Black On Black, and there really wasn't any time for me to go on hiatus. And, I can't stress this enough, it was the most painful heat I've ever had. I was constantly nauseous; I couldn't bear to stand up, all my limbs felt like they were on fire. Walking was painful enough; I couldn't imagine promoting like that.

"So, I asked Mark hyung to help me. It's become uncommon, what with all these meds and procedures, but alphas are still the quickest solution to a heat. It's also safer, in a way, than taking pills or having one of those surgeries that cuts off your heats for who knows how long." Renjun shudders at the thought.

"And he was okay with it? Just like that?" Jaemin asks. He still can't wrap his head around it. _Mark?_ With _Renjun?_ And no one knows about it? Why didn’t he ask Jeno to do it? Does Jeno know?

"Why wouldn't he be?" Renjun shrugs. "We're friends, for starters. I trust him, he trusts me. He's our leader. He's an alpha, and I needed him. He was more worried about taking my virginity than he was about the fucking itself, to be honest,” he snorts.

Jaemin has so many questions, though he doesn't think most of them would be very appropriate. He kind of wants to know what it was like.

"Either way, it worked," Renjun says. "My heat ended early and I was able to go back to work, pain free."

“I,” Jaemin stutters, “I didn’t know that.”

Renjun offers him a half-smile. “There’s a lot you don’t know. So, are you coming? Some of the guys you haven’t met yet even made time in their schedules so they can come.”

Jaemin doesn’t want to move from his cocoon of blankets. He’s terrified of ever walking out of the dorms again, and he hasn’t even read anything online. Not that he needs to, anyway – he can see in his head, very well, the signs outside their building. He’s embarrassed, and tired, and scared, and angry. Jaemin only wants all of this to be over, to be able to travel ten years into the future when everyone’s probably forgotten about the whole ordeal.

On the other hand, Renjun’s offer sounds tempting, in a strange way. He’s been to two meetings since the first one, and he’s opened up, just a smidge, to the others. Jaemin shared how weird it felt to be able to smell everything now, and he confessed he doesn’t feel very comfortable being an omega, and no one judged him for it.

In fact, they’ve been the most helpful people so far. Seulgi taught him breathing exercises to keep the smells at bay, and Sana recommended him a scent blocker from Japan that works like a charm. Minghao sent him a box of pain relief pills that are designed specifically for limb aches during heats, and Dongju sends him links to useful websites that talk about the omega status in a non-scary way.

Letting out a dramatic groan, Jaemin flops around on his bed like a fish out of water for a second before nodding. Renjun smiles, relieved, and says he’ll wait for him in the living room while he gets ready.

~

Leaving the dorm is petrifying. Jaemin can’t even breathe while they wade through the mass of people, and call him crazy, but there has to be hundreds of people gathered on the streets. The police are also here, though they can’t do much other than keep the protesters out of the road. Technically, they’re not doing anything.

Sicheng and Yangyang had their manager drive them to the meeting separately, so it’s just Renjun and Jaemin in the car with Joonhwa. Jaemin stays perfectly still as Joonhwa drives them out of the building’s garage and through the hordes, thinking that maybe, if he doesn’t move, they’ll go away. Renjun holds his hand and whispers words of reassurance that go through one ear and out the other.

“I know you guys usually go in alone,” Joonhwa is saying, “But I would feel a lot better if I waited inside the building for you.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Renjun agrees. “There’s a waiting area in the lobby, or you can wait in one of the adjacent rooms.”

“The lobby’s fine,” Joonhwa waves him off, “I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable if I’m too close.”

When they arrive, Jaemin’s surprised to see the amount of cars parked on the sidewalk. Usually, the managers will drop off the idols and then pick them up when the meeting’s over, though it seems like today they will be waiting inside, too.

Joonhwa parks the car and ushers them into the building in record time, one hand firmly grasping the backs of their necks like kittens. Once in the lobby, he lets go of them, muttering, “Why does this feel like the most awkward high school reunion ever?”

All the managers are sitting in silence in the lobby. The doorman is at the front desk this time, looking, for all intents and purposes, as if he wants to be anywhere else but here. The air in the room feels tense, and Jaemin doesn’t miss the way some managers glare at them as they walk past them. WayV’s manager nods toward them in greeting.

Joonhwa fusses over their collars as he walks them toward the elevator. He’s either worried people will think he manhandles them around, or he’s delaying being left alone. Whichever it is, Renjun and Jaemin step into the elevator and Joonhwa has no choice but to back to the lobby.

Jaemin feels a little like he’s walking to the gallows. Realistically, there’s no reason to be worried, and he knows they only want to help. That doesn’t mean it makes his nerves go down.  
The room is packed full. The usual people are here, plus a few other faces: Taeyeon and Taemin are with the other SM idols, Yugyeom is sitting with Sana, and Sanha and Eric are busy stuffing their faces with food from the snacks table.

Jaemin’s grateful they don’t immediately turn to him, or hound him for information. They wait for him to take a seat, and of course, Yangyang and Renjun plaster themselves to his sides, though he’s surprised to see Sicheng sit on the other side of Renjun. Usually, Sicheng will sit with Minghao.

In fact, the other SM idols sit around them, too, with Taemin and Sehun at the edges. Jaemin feels a little better like that. Directly across from him sits Dongju and the boy smiles faintly when their eyes meet.

Joohyun clears her throat awkwardly and calls for everyone’s attention. “We all know why we’re here,” she says, for once her bubbly tone gone, “So, why don’t we just… let Jaemin talk, yeah?”

Jaemin does not want to talk. He wants the ground to swallow him whole. He doesn’t like being the centre of attention, not now, and he doesn’t like the pitying gazes sent his way. Jaemin stares at his sneakers and speaks directly to the floor, unwilling to look up.

“My family never said anything about me having the gene,” he starts, “And, as far as I knew, no one had it. Apparently, they send away anyone that presents, but that’s another shit fest about my family that I don’t really want to get into right now.”

Murmured agreements reach his ears. Jaemin’s glad they won’t be forcing him to talk about all the ways his family has fucked up this situation.

“My parents lied when I signed into the company,” Jaemin continues, “And that’s, as we’re aware, practically illegal. I don’t know what the company plans to do. Joonhwa hyung - our manager – said that it’s unlikely they’ll retaliate against me, but he can’t be so sure about my family.”

Faintly, Taeyeon calls his name. “I’ve been at the company my whole life,” she tells him, “I think it’s unlikely they’ll sue your family, or anything of the sort. You’re an adult now, so they’ll probably leave that up to you.”

“What do you mean?” Jaemin frowns.

“Well,” Taeyeon shifts uncomfortably, “It’s going to be up to you if you want to take any kind of legal actions against your family.”

Jaemin can’t help it. He snaps, “Why would I want to do such thing?”

He’s immediately mortified he raised his voice at her, but Taeyeon doesn’t appear to care much. She continues to explain to him, still speaking softly, “You were completely unprepared for your presentation. It could have been prevented, all of this, if your family had told you the truth from the beginning. These kinds of lawsuits and legal cases aren’t common, but it happens.”

“We’re in no way telling you what to do,” Joohyun says next, “But, Jaemin, this is something you need to talk about with your family, and possibly a lawyer. There’s just a lot that could have been prevented.”

“Like my image going down the drain?” Jaemin mumbles, too emotionally drained to feel even a smidge of annoyance.

“Like all the crap your body’s going through,” Minghao counters. Jaemin can tell he’s angry on his behalf. “If they had told you, you could have been taking vitamins and supplements since you hit puberty, not to mention accommodating hormones, which would have helped your body adapt. Now, your first heats are going to be absolute hell.”

“Like all the psychological damage,” Hyungwon speaks next, gently. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. It’s gonna take a while to heal from all this.”

Jaemin rubs his face, fighting down tears. “Can I finish talking, now?”

“Of course,” Seulgi says, looking at everyone as if daring them to interrupt him again.

“We don’t know who leaked the information,” Jaemin sighs, “Although it was probably a manager. Or a staff member. Many of them talk to sasaengs, and if they’re willing to sell our phone numbers…”

“That’s fucked up,” Chaeyoung murmurs from the corner.

Jaemin nods in agreement. “Yeah, it is. Now, everyone knows. People want me out of the group. They want me to apologize for lying about something I didn’t even know. They’re saying I’m embarrassed of being an omega, among other things.”

The first few tears drop to his lap without his consent before Jaemin can wipe them away.

“Aren’t you?” Hyunjin pushes. Several voices hush him at once, but Hyunjin doesn’t pay them any mind. His eyes are centred on Jaemin, who looks like a deer caught in headlights. “You said so yourself, you’re not thrilled about this. And I’ve noticed how you react to the things we talk about here.”

“It’s not – I’m not,” Jaemin stammers, “I’m not _embarrassed_.” Hyunjin only raises an eyebrow in his direction, and Jaemin breaks. “I never wanted this.”

Jaemin feels like a dam has broken inside him. He cries into his hands, feeling small and exposed under their gazes. He curls into himself, somehow managing to bring his knees to his chest even though the chair is tiny.

“I never wanted to be a, a, I never wanted the gene!” He wipes his nose with his sleeve, his image be damned. “I was perfectly fine as a human, so why me? Why now? Fuck, why couldn’t I be normal?” he sobs.

Renjun’s hand, previously petting his neck, stills for a second before he continues his ministrations. Jaemin’s starkly aware of everyone’s eyes on him, and he doesn’t dare look up to gauge their reactions.

Someone crouches in front of him. Jaemin peeks through his fingers to see it’s Minghao, serious and understanding. Minghao waits for Jaemin to acknowledge him before he says, “I didn’t know I carried the gene, either. I presented right before a performance, back in 2016. It was the worst day of my life. I felt like my entire life had been flipped upside down.”

“I don’t feel like myself anymore,” Jaemin confesses, “I feel like I don’t know who I am.”

Minghao nods. “Yeah, I get that. I felt the same way. I was scared shitless, too. But I had Wonwoo hyung, and you have Sicheng, Yangyang, and Renjun. And the rest of us, of course. We’re all here for you.”

Jaemin sniffs. He can’t be bothered to feel embarrassed over crying like this in front of them, not given everything that’s happened. He nods, still leaking tears, and thanks Minghao with a shaky breath.

After Hyunjin apologizes for being so rash – not that Jaemin blames him – and after Joohyun’s made sure that Jaemin feels even if just a little better, they move on with the meeting. They ask Dongju if his leader has stopped babying him, and his answering smile is enough. “I hit him with a flip flop and he backed off,” he declares proudly. Hyunggu shakes his head with an eye roll.

Sanha, who so far hadn’t been able to attend a meeting at the same time as Jaemin, apparently has a problem with the only other wolf in his group, who also happens to be an alpha. Except the problem isn’t something most of them seem to be taking seriously. “When will you guys stop making fun of me about this?” he whines.

Eric cackles loudly. “Never,” he tells him.

“Context,” Yangyang leans into Jaemin’s space, “Sanha had baby fever during his last heat and told Moon Bin he wanted a baby. Moon Bin has not looked him in the eye ever since.”

“Baby fever?” Jaemin squeaks, to which Yangyang giggles.

“Guys can’t have babies, you know that,” Yangyang reminds him, “It’s just that omegas sometimes get baby fever. It’s weird as hell, if you ask me, but it’s a real thing.”

“We’ve all been through it,” Taemin pipes up, speaking for the first time since the meeting started.

“Except not all of us have told an alpha that we want babies to their face,” Sehun says pointedly.

“It’s been a month!” Sanha nearly shouts, and Hyunjin laughs so hard he chokes on his spit. “He won’t even talk to me directly, he has Dongmin hyung playing messenger.”

Minghao and Sicheng snort at the same time. “Yeah,” Sicheng says, “Trust us, we know. He keeps complaining in our chat.”

Yeeun, perhaps to save Sanha some face, interrupts them to talk about the new heating pad she bought online for her cramps, which have helped her incredibly. Sana perks up immediately, saying she uses the same, and they compare notes.

Before the meeting wraps up, they all give Jaemin brand names and recommendations for his first heat, which should be happening soon, and Taeyeon assures him he won’t be needed for promotions or anything of the sorts when it happens. “You’ll need the privacy for it,” she tells him.

It didn’t solve all of his problems, but Jaemin feels better when he gets into the car. Even Joonhwa mentions it, saying his face doesn’t look as ashen anymore, and Jaemin admits aloud that it did help, in the end.

Renjun’s smug smile is visible in the dark of the room, and Jaemin tells him to fuck off.

~

Mark’s waiting in the living room. He and Donghyuck are on the couch, Donghyuck completely passed out next to him, snoring into his shoulder. Mark’s awake, if barely, and he perks up when he sees them walk in. The room is dark, save for a lone lamp they kept turned on.

Joonhwa makes a beeline for the spare room he uses when he has to spend the night, saying something about having a meeting tomorrow morning. Renjun gathers Donghyuck in his arms with surprising strength and drags him to his and Jeno’s room, pausing to say to Mark, “I told Jaemin about us.”

Mark sputters, horrified, and covers his face with his hands. Renjun snorts and walks away, urging Donghyuck to wake up long enough to keep from falling on his face. Donghyuck, clearly awake enough to be a menace, snores obnoxiously loud into Renjun’s ear, but walks on his own for the most part.

“How much did he tell you?” Mark asks Jaemin.

Jaemin fidgets with the hem of his hoodie. “Not much. He told me you helped him feel better, that’s all.”

After a few seconds of silence, Mark looks up. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” Jaemin laughs lightly. “Wanna crash with me?”

Together, they go to Jaemin’s room. Mark’s already dressed in comfortable clothes, and Jaemin can smell his soap, but he feels like he needs a shower, so he makes Mark wait for him while he gets ready for bed. Once he’s done, dressed in a shirt he’s fairly certain belongs to Jeno, Jaemin joins Mark on his bed.

They’re nose to nose. Jaemin could probably count Mark’s eyelashes. Mark sniffs him once, twice, then his eyebrows furrow and he leans closer, dragging his nose up Jaemin’s neck and behind his ear. Jaemin definitely ignores how the action makes his tummy tighten.

“You’re going into heat,” Mark declares. After Jaemin does nothing but gape at him, he elaborates, “Like, right now. It’s not sexual, though, don’t worry.”

“Don’t worry?” Jaemin parrots. “How am I supposed to not worry?”

“You’ll be okay,” Mark reassures him with a laugh. “You’ve got us. I said I’d help, right?”

“Right,” Jaemin says.

Mark smiles at him and pulls them flush together, his hand settling on Jaemin’s hip. Jaemin can feel the warmth from his skin through his sweatpants. Mark’s eyes travel across Jaemin’s face until they stop at his lips, and Jaemin swears the temperature in the room goes up.

The moment’s over as soon as it starts. Mark throws his head back, just a little, and he squints at Jaemin, stating, “You were crying.”

Jaemin breaks eye contact first, staring at the strings on Mark’s hoodie instead. “Yeah. I had a bit of a breakdown earlier, but I’m fine. It was cathartic, or whatever.”

Mark doesn’t appear convinced. Jaemin, though, doesn’t want to discuss it, and Mark must be able to tell, because he lets it go.

“Okay. Do you know what to expect from your heat?”

“I guess,” Jaemin shrugs. “They said I might feel pain in my limbs, but that everyone’s experiences are different. Sanha has baby fever, apparently.”

Mark laughs, startled, and dissolves into a fit of giggles. Jaemin starts laughing along with him, and it feels good to laugh. Even if it’s at the expense of poor Sanha.

Then, Mark leans in again, and this time he stays with his face pressed against the juncture of Jaemin’s neck and shoulder. “Sorry, you just… you smell really good, Jaem.”

“I’ve heard that before,” Jaemin murmurs. His heart is beating irrationally hard, and he’s sure Mark can feel it. In fact, Jaemin can feel Mark’s heartbeat, and it’s just as erratic.

Mark’s grip on his waist tightens, and it should be painful, but Jaemin doesn’t mind it. He shuffles closer, until their bodies are pressed together, and nearly melts at the way Mark nuzzles into his neck, his lips running lightly over his skin.

Jaemin doesn’t even notice when he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls spare some comments i've had a shitty week and need the validation, and also if you wanna ask about the side characters (pls do) go to my cc i have like a thousand hcs for everyone, especially the omega support group!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a rare sight, nowadays, seeing Mark and Donghyuck in the Dream kitchen. Donghyuck stays with the 127 hyungs more often than not, although he tries to sleepover as much as he can. Mark doesn’t have time, between promotions with NCT and SuperM, and even when he’s free, he passes out at the 127 dorms because that’s where all his stuff is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two updates in less than a month?? unheard of
> 
> idk if this needs a trigger warning but tw for vomiting and pain (if you think anything else needs tagging lmk)

Jaemin wakes up feeling itchy the next morning. It’s a sort of itch that, right away, Jaemin can tell he won’t be able to scratch to his satisfaction. It starts in his scalp, behind his ears and at the baby hairs on his neck, and it spreads to the very tips of his toes. It simmers under his skin and buzzes with the energy of a swarm of bees flying over a field of flowers.

Half-asleep, he tries to scratch his neck, to no avail, and he realises belatedly that his arms are immobilized. Jaemin frowns and tries moving his arms again, wiggling his fingers as he notices how numb they are from lack of blood flow. This time, he meets less resistance and a grunt to his ears.

It’s then that he recognises that someone else’s weight is crushing him. Jaemin makes a confused sound and wiggles, hoping the other person will catch the hint. He’s sleepy, still, but his brain is catching up to the events of last night. Right, he’d gone to sleep with Mark. So it’s probably Mark on top of him.

Oh. _Oh._

He’s in heat. _He’s in heat, and Mark Lee slept on top of him._

Right, okay. His heart has no business leaping to his throat like that. Jaemin’s hands clam up and he tries to wipe them on the duvet, only halfway succeeding. Mark grunts in his ear, a sign he’s starting to wake up, and Jaemin breathes a sigh of relief.

“Hyung,” Jaemin whispers, not wanting to be any louder since he doesn’t know what time it is. Sunlight, though weak, trickles through the gaps in his curtains, so he guesses it’s very early in the morning. He can’t tell if he woke up because he was itchy or if there was something else first. “Hyung, wake up, I can’t move.”

Mark does the total opposite of moving off. Instead, he wraps around Jaemin and nuzzles further into his neck, once more trapping Jaemin under him so he can’t even move his arms. Jaemin wants to be exasperated or annoyed, and he curses his entire existence because instead something inside him goes crazy with giddiness.

And then.

Yeah, that’s a boner. That’s Mark’s boner pressing against Jaemin’s thigh. And, what do you know? Jaemin’s hard, too. Because of course he is. This just couldn’t get any better, could it?

Jaemin tries to think through the ceaseless screaming of his brain. His body has started to warm up, which can’t exactly be a good sign. It’s becoming hard to breathe, what with Mark’s body crushing his, the hard dick on his thigh and his own predicament. Jaemin kind of wishes he could disappear.

After an eternity – in which Jaemin lies there, cheek smudged against his pillow and eyes seeing nothing as he wonders the pros and cons of disappearing into the mud outside the dorm – Mark finally, finally wakes up. It’s slow process, at first, with Mark making a soft sound that most definitely does not sound like a moan, _no_ , and then he’s shifting. It doesn’t help.

“Jaem?” Mark asks. His voice is raspy from disuse. “What time is it?”

“I don’t know,” Jaemin replies just as quietly. “But, uh, hyung…”

“Mhm?” Mark hums after Jaemin goes silent, nosing the hairs on the back of Jaemin’s neck. “Yeah?”

Jaemin shifts, more out of embarrassment than anything else and it brings both their attentions to the pressing matters in their pants. A soft, “oh,” leaves Mark’s lips and then he’s rolling off Jaemin’s body, landing on the bed next to him. He’d slept with no blankets, Jaemin realises, and so did he. Weird, because Jaemin didn’t even feel chilly.

What’s weirder is the amused smile on Mark’s face.

“Why are you smiling?” Jaemin demands, still not speaking louder than a hush. He doesn’t dare to. “Why aren’t you mortified?”

Mark raises a questioning eyebrow. “Are you?”

“Yes?” Jaemin sputters. “No shit, hyung.”

“Okay, yeah, this is probably new to you.” Mark scratches his chin, deep in thought and, as if he doesn’t notice, lays his hand on the back of Jaemin’s neck. Jaemin’s heart hammers away in his chest, although that’s become a familiar sensation by now. “It’s normal, Jaem. It’s normal for human guys to get morning wood, right?”

Jaemin grunt in response. He still doesn’t have the guts to lift his head from his pillow, while Mark’s folded his free arm under his head. Jaemin ignores how Mark’s bicep bulges at the position with every fibre of his being.

“Well, it’s normal for wolves – alphas in particular – to get hard when in close proximity to an omega in heat. And I mean close, not sitting next to each other, but like… like we were all night.” Call Jaemin crazy, but that was definitely shyness in Mark’s voice. He doesn’t point it out.

“You said my heat wouldn’t be sexual,” Jaemin says next. He’s worried everyone was wrong and he’s about to be thrown into the worst shit fest of his life until Mark shakes his head.

“And it isn’t,” Mark reassures him. “You smell completely fine. I mean, your scent is kind of… all over the room, and it’s distracting, and it’s probably the reason why I ended up sleeping on top of you, but it’s not. It isn’t sexual,” he concludes. That’s definitely embarrassment Jaemin can hear. “Why, are you…?”

Jaemin doesn’t need Mark to finish that sentence to know what he means. Jaemin nods and, with Mark’s hand still on his nape, rolls onto his side, knowing Mark can see everything like that. Mark’s eyes travel down his torso – slow, agonizingly slow – and then zero in on Jaemin’s problem. Jaemin’s gaze also moves, albeit against his own will, and then he can’t look away.

If this is supposed to be a normal heat, he can’t imagine how the hell he’s going to feel during a sexual one. His entire body is on fire at the mere sight of Mark’s boner tenting his sweatpants, and it’s as if it knows that’s an alpha’s cock, because his tummy tightens and he feels a part of him go crazy at the knowledge.

He wants to reach out and touch. He wants Mark to touch him. He wants their clothes gone, right this second. They’re so unbearably close Jaemin can feel Mark’s body heat. Mark’s like a furnace, Jaemin realises, and he resists the urge to lean closer. He doesn’t understand why the hell he wants to wiggle under Mark’s shirt.

Mark’s voice, shaky and out of breath, breaks him out of his thoughts. “You should go take a shower,” Mark suggests, “while I make, I don’t know, some tea or something. I’ll shower next. We kind of need it.”

“Yeah,” Jaemin nods. He can barely unglue his tongue from the roof of his mouth to utter the word.

Mark’s hand moves away and Jaemin misses it immediately. He whines in disappointment before he can stop himself, feels his cheeks go up in flames, but Mark only smiles, and says, “We’ll cuddle all you want later, okay? Come on, I’ll help you to the shower.”

Jaemin can’t hide how happy he is at the prospect of cuddles. A flip switches, perhaps because they’re no longer confined in Jaemin’s bed, so close their breaths mingled, but now Jaemin starts to feel what everyone told him originally he would be feeling during his heat. He’s tired, his skin buzzes, and he cannot wait for those promised cuddles.

Mark does indeed lead him to the bathroom. Jaemin doesn’t understand the need for it at first, until Mark’s hand leaves his arm to turn on the overhead lamp and Jaemin sways on the spot. Mark rushes to stabilize him once more and says, “Sorry about that, I should’ve warned you.”

“Why am I so dizzy?” Jaemin asks.

“It’s just a heat thing, you’ll be dizzy for a while,” Mark explains. Jaemin sits on the toilet lid and watches Mark turn on the shower, adjusting the knobs until the water is at what Mark thinks is a nice enough temperature, and then pouts when Mark makes to leave.

“I’m not showering with you,” Mark says pointedly. Jaemin pouts harder and it makes Mark laugh. “You’re clingy during your heat, I see. Yangyang’s gonna have a field day when he hears about this.”

Mark’s laughter rings down the hall as he leaves. Jaemin stares at the door, hoping Mark will return, but eventually he must accept he’ll have to shower on his own. This isn’t really as bad as he’s making it out to be in his head – they have rubber duckies on the shower tiles to prevent any accidents, put there by Kun after the third time Ten slipped and fell on his ass – but Jaemin will still sulk about it.

Showering feels blissful. Jaemin stands under the water stream for perhaps a full five minutes without moving, his sore muscles relaxing under the pressure. The itching recedes to the back of his mind and his previous ill mood disappears, and Jaemin once again marvels at the wonders of showering. Seriously, how could he go through half of his teenage years putting off showering? Showers are the best.

When he steps out of the shower, his hand tangling on the curtain for no reason other than Jaemin’s clumsiness, Jaemin realises he didn’t bring any clothes with him. All he has are his clothes from last night, but he already dumped them in the laundry basket. He decides to make a run for it.

Not a problem, right? They always forget their clothes in their rooms – at this point, no one blinks an eye whenever one of the members streaks down the hall in nothing but a towel. It’s fine. They’ve all seen way more than they needed or wanted of Ten and Donghyuck, resident shameless assholes.

Wrong.

By some sort of sick version of a joke, Jaemin steps out of the bathroom just as Jeno is exiting his bedroom. They lock eyes, Jaemin can see Jeno’s pupils dilate, he _knows_ Jeno can smell whatever it is that Mark smelt earlier, and then a hand that definitely looks like Renjun’s shoots out of the room and grabs Jeno’s arm, dragging him back inside with a resounding slam of the door.

Jaemin can feel his cheeks redden in embarrassment and he hurries to his room, shutting the door with perhaps more force than necessary. The more locks between them, the better. At least until he’s dressed.

While rummaging through his dresser, Jaemin notices Mark’s hoodie draped over the back of his desk chair. He doesn’t even realise he’s reaching for it until the hoodie is falling comfortably below his waist – Mark buys clothes bigger than him for comfort, something Jaemin can understand – and then he… he honestly doesn’t want to take it off.

It isn’t just the smell of alpha that Jaemin’s learnt to recognize that he likes. It’s the scent of Mark that has Jaemin’s heart beating faster than a rabbit’s. Mark smells like baby powder, deodorant and cologne, and Jaemin buries his nose on the neck of the hoodie and inhales deeply just to smell him better.

Realising that it’s creepy to _sniff_ his friend’s clothes, especially while half-naked, Jaemin grabs the first pair of sweatpants he finds and pulls them on. He also puts on socks as an afterthought, just in case it’s cold.

Jaemin pokes his head out the door and scans the vicinity. The hall is clear, but he can hear movements in the kitchen. It isn’t just Mark, because that’s more than one voice. Jeno’s bedroom door remains firmly closed while Jisung’s is open, and Jaemin can see him and Chenle standing by the desk.

At the kitchen, Jaemin rounds the corner and finds Mark attempting to make coffee. Donghyuck’s clinging to his arm, shaking him back and forth while pestering him about one thing or another. Mark’s valiantly trying to supress a smile that anyone could see within a five mile radius. Donghyuck’s wearing Jeno’s pyjamas and Renjun’s slippers.

It’s a rare sight, nowadays, seeing Mark and Donghyuck in the Dream kitchen. Donghyuck stays with the 127 hyungs more often than not, although he tries to sleepover as much as he can. Mark doesn’t have time, between promotions with NCT and SuperM, and even when he’s free, he passes out at the 127 dorms because that’s where all his stuff is.

Jaemin blames the heat for tearing up like this. He wipes his eyes hastily and steps further into the kitchen, catching their attention. Donghyuck’s smile doesn’t disappear, but it dims, and Jaemin knows that’s technically his fault. They still aren’t on speaking terms, so to say, because there hasn’t been any time to figure things out. All of Jaemin’s plans of talking to him went down the drain after his presentation was leaked to the press.

That is why Jaemin is surprised to see Donghyuck open his arms in a silent invitation. Jaemin gapes for less than a second, and then barrels into his embrace. Donghyuck makes an ‘oof’ sound that’s interrupted by a laugh and he hugs Jaemin back. This doesn’t fix all the unsaid things they still have between them, but it’s a reassurance that they’re still okay.

Once they pull apart, Mark pretends he wasn’t looking at them. He hands the wooden spoon to Donghyuck and makes him promise to watch the food while he showers, saying, “I swear to God, Hyuck, if you pull some weird shit…”

“Would you stop fussing?” Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “I’m a better cook than you, anyway.”

Mark snorts as he leaves the kitchen. Donghyuck sticks his tongue out at him. Jaemin takes the spoon from his hands and stirs the contents of the pot, uncaring about what’s Mark cooking. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Donghyuck lean against the counter and can practically feel his gaze on the back of his head.

“Is something wrong?” Jaemin asks. He isn’t uncomfortable, per se, not quite.

“Are you really in heat?” Donghyuck narrows his eyes, arms crossed. “Mark says you are but you don’t really look any different.”

“Could you ever tell when Renjun’s in heat? Or Sicheng hyung or Yangyang?” Jaemin asks back.

Donghyuck tilts his head. “No, I guess not.”

“Then why did you expect to see anything out of the ordinary with me?”

“I don’t know,” Donghyuck shrugs, and his arms finally fall back to his sides. “Mark was really freaked out when he came into the kitchen.”

The spoon clatters to the ground. Jaemin curses as he picks it up, running it under the tap. Donghyuck’s eyes go back to scrutinizing him, then a light bulb goes off over his head and he smiles in delight. “Something happened, didn’t it?”

“No,” Jaemin denies, perhaps too quickly.

“Bullshit,” Donghyuck calls. “Tell me.”

Jaemin hesitates, but ends up telling him. Donghyuck’s expression goes from amused, to confused, to shocked in the span of a minute, truly amazing to watch if you ask Jaemin. His mouth drops when Jaemin’s done and he doesn’t speak for a while.

“Did I just break you?” Jaemin waves a hand in front of his face. “Are you okay there? Earth to Hyuck.”

Donghyuck garbles something. It’s unintelligible.

Finally, he says, “I can’t believe you’re going to bone Mark.”

~

After breakfast, Jaemin lies face down on the couch and refuses to move. Chenle prods his thigh to see if he can elicit some response, and when he doesn’t, he sits on the ground and uses Jaemin’s thigh as a pillow as he turns on the TV.

When Renjun asks him how he’s feeling, Jaemin says, “I feel like someone put me through the grinder and then replaced all my bones with shredded glass.”

Renjun winces in sympathy and offers Jaemin some tea, to which Jaemin agrees enthusiastically. While Renjun’s gone, Jaemin groans into the cushions of the couch and resolutely ignores the presence of everyone else in the room, particularly Jeno.

At first, Jaemin thinks he’s feeling uncomfortable with Jeno because of the incident of earlier. It would make sense, after all. He realises, though, that it has nothing to do with Jeno seeing him half-naked and everything to do with Jeno’s status as an alpha.

Jaemin’s skin tingles when he thinks about alphas, plural. He’d scampered away when Jeno came into the kitchen, and ever since Mark mentioned that Taeyong would be swinging by to bring him some stuff, he’s been on high alert. It’s confusing, because Jeno’s his best friend, and not wanting him around isn’t something Jaemin’s used to feeling.

The only alpha Jaemin can even think about touching him at the moment is Mark. Jaemin ignores what that might mean and instead relishes when Mark sits next to him and plays with his hair.

Yangyang shows up at their dorm at noon with a heap of blankets and a wide grin. Jaemin watches him from his perch on the couch as Yangyang approaches him, smile intact, dumps the blankets on the couch, and climbs on top of him as if it’s nothing out of the ordinary. Jaemin lets him, comforted by his presence and his scent.

Renjun also takes to coddle him, offering him snacks and water every half hour and making sure the living room is quiet as to not overwhelm Jaemin. After a while, they figure out that Jaemin feels better when it’s dark, so they draw the curtains closed and turn on the reading lamps instead of the overhead ones. Renjun even unearths a sleep mask from God knows where when Jaemin mentions being sleepy.

In the afternoon, Taeyong comes into the dorms with a backpack for Mark and a homemade cake for Jaemin. At Jaemin’s questioning glance, he smiles and says, “Sicheng likes sweets when he’s in heat, I figured you might like them, too.”

Jaemin smiles in delight and thanks him sincerely, despite feeling queasy around Taeyong based solely on his alpha scent. Taeyong seems to know what Jaemin’s feeling, or at least thinks he has an idea, because he doesn’t stick around after that. When he leaves, he mentions offhandedly that Kun and Jaehyun wanted to come check on him, but that he’ll inform them himself so Jaemin, “doesn’t have to deal with too much excitement today.” Jaemin loves him all the more for it.

The rest of the day goes by in a drag. Jaemin stays on the couch most of the time, sometimes napping and sometimes scrolling through his phone. Yangyang detaches from his side to go to the bathroom or to the kitchen, and it’s during those brief moments that Jaemin remembers he’s in heat. Most of the time, Jaemin can pretend it’s just a lazy day off, until Yangyang or Renjun leave the room and the itching in his chest returns.

Jeno takes the hint and leaves him alone. Jaemin can still see him peek into the living room every once in a while with sad, puppy eyes. Jaemin eats his cake for dinner and goes to bed, Yangyang leaving for his dorm with a promise to return first thing in the morning. Mark decides he’ll sleep with Donghyuck in the spare room, since Jisung and Chenle are bunking together.

Jaemin wakes up in the middle of the night, burning up, and throws up all over the duvet.

Something is clawing at his chest, screaming for someone to come take care of him. Jaemin bites back a sob and peels the blankets off and away from his body, gingerly wrapping the dirtied sheets and dumping them in a corner. Then, he goes back to bed, pulls his knees to his chest, and cries a little longer.

Mark and Jeno burst into his room sometime after that. They both clearly jumped out of bed seconds ago, if their mussed up hair and the haziness is anything to go by, but they’re alert and on Jaemin as soon as they find the source of distress.

Jaemin doesn’t want them to get close. His pyjamas caught some of the vomit and he’s sure he smells, anyway, but Mark doesn’t listen to a single one of his protests as he grabs Jaemin’s arms and gently drags him out of bed, steering him out of the bedroom and towards the bathroom. Before they exit his room, Jaemin sees Jeno pick up the dirty bed sheets, and he cries once more.

“What the hell is happening?” Donghyuck, alarmed, stands in the threshold of the guest room. He looks a little funny, wearing a shirt that belonged to Jaehyun once upon a time and worn out sweats, while his face is a mix of fear and worry for Jaemin.

“Jaemin’s heat might be a little worse than originally expected,” Jeno fills him in, speed-walking past them in the direction of the laundry room. He doesn’t even seem bothered to be carrying a bunch of sheets covered in vomit. “Mark hyung’s gonna take care of it, though, Hyuck, don’t worry.”

Donghyuck’s face says he will worry, thank you very much. Jaemin and him lock eyes for a second, and whatever it is that Donghyuck sees there makes him sigh before following Jeno into the laundry room. Jaemin finally enters the bathroom and Mark closes the door behind them, shutting them away from the outside world.

“You have a really high fever,” Mark tells him, his urgency carefully hidden behind his pragmatic tone, “So I’m gonna run you a bath. It’s gonna be cold, but we need to lower your temperature, okay? Jaemin? Are you with me?”

Jaemin nods jerkily without looking at him. He thinks he can hear Mark sigh, but he can’t be sure. Jaemin keeps his eyes trained on the floor as Mark works around him, filling the tub with cold water and looking for a clean tower in the linen closet.

“Okay, it’s ready. I’ll be outside if you need me, alright?” Mark makes sure to make eye contact with Jaemin until Jaemin nods to prove he understands, and then he exits the bathroom.

Leaving his clothes in a heap on the ground, Jaemin climbs into the tub. He hisses as soon as he realises how cold the water is, fighting through the urge to scamper out as he forces himself to sink down on the bath. As he settles in, Jaemin shivers several times in a row, although he admits that his body cools down significantly.

Jaemin soaks in the water until his fingers turn into prunes and the water’s gone lukewarm. He dries off with the towel Mark left out – the biggest and fluffiest he could find, which makes Jaemin smile –, brushes his teeth with near aggressiveness, and steps out, uncaring he’s dressed in nothing but a towel around his waist.

Mark’s waiting for him outside, just as he promised. For once, Jaemin can’t bother to think why Mark won’t look at him directly as Jaemin walks past him and to his room, where he picks the first thing he can find and throws it on.

In the living room, Jeno’s struggling to find new bed sheets for Jaemin. When Jaemin tries to help, Jeno shoos him away, saying, “I got it, you go sit over there.”

Jaemin, pouting, does as Jeno says. He asks, “Where’s Renjun?” when he notices the other omega isn’t around.

“Uh,” Jeno scratches the back of his neck, “As it turns out, he’s closer to his heat than we thought. It might be better for him to stay away from you for a little while.”

Jaemin notices the use of a plural there, but doesn’t mention it. Donghyuck joins him on the couch with a glass of water and Jaemin takes it gratefully and drinks it in three large gulps. Donghyuck knocks their shoulders together, to which Jaemin responds with by draping himself over Donghyuck’s nap and stretching like a cat.

“Are you okay?” Donghyuck asks him quietly.

There’s no easy answer to that. Jaemin just threw up everything he had in his system, he had a fever like he’s never had before, and his head is starting to hurt. Jaemin settles for closing his eyes and getting comfortable on Donghyuck’s thigh.

He must doze off, because the next thing he knows, Jeno’s sitting on the other end of the couch, scrolling through his phone while his hand lies on Jaemin’s ankle, and Donghyuck’s snoring above him, head thrown back. The living room is still dark, so the sun hasn’t risen yet.

“What time is it?” Jaemin asks Jeno groggily.

Jeno glances over and, seeing him awake, smiles. “It’s just a little after two am. We thought of moving you back to your room but Donghyuck insisted we shouldn’t wake you.”

Jaemin looks around the living room. There, sitting on the recliner, limbs bent at awkward angles, Mark sleeps soundly. His chest rises and falls with every breath he takes, his lips parted slightly, by all means looking like he’s keeping guard over them.

“I guess he was right,” Jaemin murmurs. He tries to stretch and quickly stops his movements as his body threatens to cramp. A ping notifies Jeno of an incoming message. Jaemin sees Jeno bite his lip in thought and asks him, “What is it?”

“Renjun needs me,” Jeno explains sheepishly, “He’s not feeling well and doesn’t want to be alone.”

Jaemin almost asks Jeno to stay in the living room. He realises how selfish it would be, however, so he simply nods and moves his feet from Jeno’s lap, leaving him free to move. Jeno reminds him he’s one shout away before retreating to their shared room.

It’s still the middle of the night, Jaemin reasons, so it’s okay if he goes back to sleep. He gets comfortable again, curling his legs close to his chest and turning to bury his face in Donghyuck’s thigh, and matches his breathing with Donghyuck’s, hoping he’ll fall asleep once more.

The next and final time Jaemin wakes up that day, it’s light out and he can hear movement in the kitchen. Jaemin blinks his eyes open and sees black spots dance in front of his vision, though he chalks it up to the lousy night he had. Then, he tries to stand up, realising he’s still laying on Donghyuck’s lap, and finds he can’t move.

Jaemin can’t help the pained cry he gives. Donghyuck, as well, makes a panicked sound as he tries to see what’s wrong, but the barest movement makes everything hurt more, and Jaemin begs him through tears to stop moving.

“Hyung!” Donghyuck all but screams at the kitchen. “Mark hyung, get in here, now!”

Jaemin hears and smells more than he sees Mark rush back into the living room. Jaemin has his back turned to the rest of the room, his face smudged against Donghyuck’s tummy. Mark’s hands land on his shoulders briefly before they retreat again, and Mark’s steady voice says, “Jaemin, are you cramping up? Can you move?”

“No,” Jaemin says honestly. “It hurts, I tried to move but I couldn’t.”

Mark tsks and pauses. Then, his hands touch Jaemin’s nape lightly and he says, “Hyuck and I will help you, alright? We’ll turn you over first, so you can be on your back.”

Without waiting for his response, Mark motions for Donghyuck to hold Jaemin as he spins him around. Again, Jaemin shouts in pain and bites his tongue to keep from cursing them both. Donghyuck’s whispering apologies over and over under his breath, while Mark works silently.

When he’s safely on his back, Jaemin blinks his eyes open and huffs out a breath.

“Now, I’ll stretch your legs, okay? Hyuck, hold his shoulders, don’t let him move.” Mark works efficiently, taking Jaemin’s ankles in his hands and slowly pulling his legs away from his chest. It burns, every muscle in his body burns with the movement, and Jaemin can do nothing but cry and hope it’s all over as soon as possible.

“He’s almost done,” Donghyuck reassures him. “Just a few more inches, Jaem.”

With a sigh of relief, Jaemin’s legs stretch to their full length as his feet dangle over the armrest on the couch. His arms lay limp at his sides and he curls and uncurls his fingers, wriggling his toes as prompted by Mark.

When he can, Jaemin looks around the living room. It’s then that he notices Jisung standing at the kitchen entrance, seemingly spooked as he stares at Jaemin. Mark sighs audibly and says, “Jisung, do you mind going back into the kitchen and finishing breakfast.”

Understanding he’s dismissed both for his sake and Jaemin’s alike, Jisung nods and scampers away. Jaemin wants to make a joke – something along the lines of _don’t burn my kitchen, kid,_ \- and finds he can’t be bothered to do so.

“Does it hurt still?” Mark asks Jaemin quietly. Donghyuck’s wiping his tears with shaky hands, visibly upset by the whole thing.

“Yes. Thank you, though.”

Mark shakes his head. “Don’t thank me, you needed our help.”

“Why did he – why was he… cramping?” Donghyuck drops his hands to the couch.

“It’s normal for heats,” Mark answers while standing up, “It happens to Yangyang too. Renjun doesn’t usually go through that, though.”

Jaemin nearly winces at the reminder that Mark’s been there for Renjun during his heat, just how Jeno is now. He doesn’t understand why the thought makes him ache with jealousy.

Donghyuck splutters. “That was normal?”

“Yeah,” Mark says with finality. “I’m gonna go get the other two. Hyuck, help Jaemin sit up, okay?”

Without waiting for either of them to answer, Mark disappears down the hallway and into Renjun’s room. Jaemin ignores the voice at the back of his head reminding him that Renjun’s in heat, too, that Mark’s been with him, has slept with him, and that Jeno is doing the same.

Instead, he allows Donghyuck to lift him up, hissing as he moves him around. It doesn’t hurt as badly as it did earlier, perhaps because his muscles have all been stretched out already, but it’s still uncomfortable. He’s sitting in an upright position on the couch, Donghyuck more or less attached to him, when Renjun comes into the living room.

All of Jaemin’s nerves stand on end when he sees the other omega. It surprises the rational side of him, because he hasn’t felt the slightest hint of aggravation or threat from Renjun since he presented, and now his hackles rise at the sight of him.

Renjun, it seems, feels the same way. Jaemin sees him edge closer to Jeno while his hand curls possessively on Mark’s t-shirt. Neither of the alphas says anything, though Jaemin knows they aren’t blind enough to miss it. Jeno guides Renjun to the other side of the living room and sits with him on the floor, where Renjun might as well piss on him from the blatant way he marks him up as his territory.

Mark escapes to the kitchen to avoid confrontation, to both their disappointments. Donghyuck, either oblivious or deciding to ignore the tension, asks no one in particular when Chenle will be back from the store.

~

Joonhwa stops by the dorms later in the day bearing gifts from multiple people and news on the Jaemin situation.

“Alright,” Joonhwa announces, wearing his manager suit for the time being, “This is for Jaemin.” He places a basket overflowing with objects on the kitchen table. “These are gifts, dropped off at the company by managers, some were personally delivered. “ He sighs audibly, “I have no idea how Got7’s manager found my home address.”

Jaemin shifts through the items carefully. There are scented candles meant to keep the nausea at bay, heating pads for his cramps, a neck pillow, some hand massagers, and heaping loads of sweets. Jaemin supposes no one has told the support group that his stomach isn’t equipped to handle sugar right now.

The support group, upon finding out his heat had struck, has been blowing up his phone with messages to their group chat, sending encouraging words, tips, links to online articles and silly photos to keep his mind off of things. Chaeyoung has sent at least three different drawings of Jaemin in chibi version. He may or may have not made one his background photo on the chat.

Jaemin finds some carefully wrapped buns he thinks he can stomach and eats one while Joonhwa debates how to tell him whatever news he has for him. Chenle asks to be fed some of it by opening his mouth and staring at him expectantly. Jaemin shoves half the bun into his mouth and laughs when he chokes on it.

“Hyung, will you stop pacing?” Donghyuck asks Joonhwa.

Joonhwa does stop, coming to a halt in front of them. All of Dream are gathered in the living room, wanting to hear what Joonhwa has to say. Joonhwa squares his shoulders and says, “The company won’ be pursuing any kind of legal action against Jaemin’s family. They will place security around the clock outside the building starting an hour ago, seeing as the protesters haven’t left.”

“That’s it?” Mark’s eyebrows nearly touch his hairline. “That’s all they’re gonna do?”

“What do you want me to tell you, kid?” Joonhwa’s tired, very obviously so. “It’s the best I could get out of them. I’m sorry,” he adds, and he sounds painfully honest.

“That’s okay, hyung, thank you,” Jaemin bows from his seat. At the loud protests he receives in return – and there are many – he says, “No, guys, seriously. It’s not his fault.”

“No one’s saying it is,” Jeno stresses. “But this isn’t fair. There are people outside our building, camping there since two days ago, demanding you leave the group. Placing security guards isn’t enough.”

“They haven’t done anything, have they?” Jaemin shrugs. “Chenle could go to the convenience store this morning.”

“Yeah, but,” Chenle frowns, bread crumbs on his lips, “I went there with a bodyguard. In a van with tinted windows.”

Jaemin shrugs again. He doesn’t want to keep dealing with this, at least not tonight. He’s had a long, painful day, and according to pretty much everyone, he still has at least two more days to go before it’s over. He would really like to go to bed now.

Joonhwa, perhaps sensing that his charge is overwhelmed, dismisses them all with a reminder they still have to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Donghyuck’s protests that it’s barely 8pm reach deaf ears as Jisung herds him to the guest room.

Before Mark can follow them, however, Joonhwa says, “Actually, Mark, Taeyong wants you to go the dorm tonight. He didn’t really say why, but he sounded urgent.”

“Tonight?” Mark asks, his eyes darting to Jaemin’s form. “Can’t he wait until tomorrow?”

“He was very clear when he said tonight,” Joonhwa shakes his head. “Sorry. I can drive you, but it has to be now.”

Mark hesitates for a few more seconds until Jaemin says, “I’ll be fine. Jeno can take over tonight, right, Jen?” Jeno, looking every bit a deer caught in headlights, nods without knowing what he’s agreeing to. Jaemin turns a bright smile at Mark. “See? It’s fine, go on.”

After Mark’s gone, Jaemin catches Renjun’s eye and, without needing to hear him say the words, he can tell Renjun’s pissed Jeno agreed to look after Jaemin tonight. For no reason other than weird pettiness and his own heat, Jaemin feels weirdly victorious.

~

The rest of his heat goes without a hitch. Jaemin spends the third day attached to Jeno, sending Renjun smirks whenever they’re in the same vicinity, and other than his clinginess and peacocking around, he doesn’t feel anything strange.

The fourth day, Mark’s back, so Jaemin latches onto him and forgets all about Jeno. He also forgets the competitiveness he felt the day before and goes back to teasing Renjun, pestering until the boy agrees to watch a movie with him or whatever.

The final day, Jaemin runs away from any physical contact from the wolves and instead takes refuge in their human members. Donghyuck is delighted to have Jaemin hanging off of him, especially since Jaemin doesn’t feel any pain that day, and Chenle takes the opportunity to show Jaemin all the photos he’s taken with his new phone. At night, Jisung asks if they can bunk together – he actually _asks_ for once – and then they stay up all night watching conspiracy videos on YouTube.

When his heat breaks, Jaemin nearly cries with joy. He runs around the dorm until he’s tired, and then he naps for the rest of the day. He hadn’t noticed how emotionally draining the experience was – too busy trying not to weep whenever he felt pain – but now that it’s over, he notices the odd mood swings he went through and decides he never again wants that to happen.

Of course, that’s just a reminder of the fact that, once his heats turn sexual, he will be in even more pain, and it will be an even worse rollercoaster of emotions, and he kind of wants to crawl into a worm hole and disappear. He says so to Jisung and the boy claps his back solemnly and says, “If a worm hole were to come close to Earth, it would consume all life as we know it and we would cease to disappear.”

Because Jisung is full of motivational spirit like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so. six chapters left. i will try to keep the momentum and update twice a week so this can be over by august. i am speaking this into existence.
> 
> leave a comment to tell me your thoughts and what you liked juseyo


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disaster strikes after lunchtime. Jungwoo leaves for the kitchen to wash the dishes and throw away the leftovers, and Jaemin checks his phone.
> 
> Protests, outside of the SM building. Witnesses calculate a thousand people gathered on the pavement.
> 
> Hashtags on Twitter with over a million tweets.
> 
> NCT merch is sold for $2 a piece, his is basically thrown away. There are pictures and videos of their lightsticks being broken deliberately.
> 
> What hurts the most: ASTRO were leaving a CF shooting, and they were chased for nearly half an hour. The car almost crashed, and although no one was hurt, the perpetrators threatened to do the same to anyone that shows support to Jaemin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for panic attacks! it isn't very graphic but i still want y'all to stay safe <3

Their comeback is just short of a disaster.

For starters, people still want an explanation that pleases _them_ about Jaemin's presentation. Why they would think that it's any of their business is beyond Jaemin, he confesses to Renjun one evening, but he has to issue a handwritten apology either way.

They spam his (and the members') Lysn and Bubble messages with insults and support alike. A good portion of his fans send him encouragement — even at Renjun's radio show, where he reads out a few letters meant to cheer him up, despite whatever the company says about ignoring everything related to the matter — and he's grateful to them. Really, he is.

It's just that sometimes the hate feels ten times stronger than their love. Some mornings, he wakes up and finds social media buzzing with mean comments. There are hashtags demanding his departure of the group, forums online where everything he's ever said to or about Renjun is scrutinised, every one of his movements under the spotlight.

Even the 127 hyungs and WayV members have been dragged into it. Kun stops doing vlives just so he doesn't have to read questions about Jaemin, especially after his alpha protectiveness wins over every bit of media training and he growls at a comment calling Jaemin a filthy liar. Taeyong, as well, starts making especial emphasis on how they're all family, and that it's all or none for them.

Minghao texts him every night to check up on him, asks him about his schedules and his symptoms. Jaemin tells him how he can finally breathe through his nose without wanting to throw up or cry when they're surrounded by staff members he doesn't know, and Minghao sends a litany of emojis that make Jaemin smile.

The support group members check up on him constantly. Whether it's via text or phone call, or sometimes meeting up with him outside the SM building for a minute or two, they make sure Jaemin is doing alright. Dongju and Sanha send him cute pictures every day, and Hyunjin makes a thinly veiled comment during a live about wanting a special friend of his to feel happy, even during these hard times.

It makes Jaemin feel all fuzzy inside, and it helps distract him from the growing doom that hangs above his head.

* * *

The mirror's foggy.

Jaemin pants and rests for a minute on the floor. His heartbeat is way too fast, and he's had at least ten people warn him against exerting himself if he's too close to or fro his heat. It's not like Jaemin can afford to be out of the dance practice room for longer, however, not with those five days he spent locked in the dorm during his heat.

"It could trigger another one," Joohyun told him seriously. They'd run into each other at the company's third floor cafeteria while Jaemin ordered his usual americano — the server was new, and if at first she seemed a little awestruck at the sight of him, it was gone when he rattled off his order. Jaemin's used to that. "Don't be an idiot. Go home and get some rest."

"The comeback is in, like, three weeks," Jaemin replied, momentarily forgetting he's in front of unknown staff. "I can't just go home. We need to work on the choreography and I still have to record some of my parts for Puzzle Piece."

Joohyun pursed her lips in reproach. Jaemin felt a little like his mother was scolding him for leaving his dirty clothes all over the floor, until she said, "You're being a moron, but fine. Don't come crying to me when it blows up on your face."

Damn. No wonder Yeri grew up to be such a little shit. Jaemin watched Joohyun walk off, feeling guilty that he was making her worry so much, but he couldn't do anything.

"Once more," their choreographer says, "and then you're free to go."

They groan, just as synchronised as they dance. Jaemin forces his legs to move and stands up, wincing as a sharp flare of pain settles on his lower back. He grits his teeth and tells himself to work through it. One more run through the song and he can go home.

It doesnt happen like that.

They're dancing. It's the first chorus, and Jaemin can't shake off the pain in his back. He feels it spread to his legs, his hips tingle, and suddenly he's face down on the floor.

He can't tell who's on him first: Jeno or Renjun. Jeno doesn't touch him, scared he'll hurt him more, and asks him where it hurts. Renjun does the panicking for the both of them, dialling Joonwha's number before anyone can think of telling him. Their choreographer leaves the room in search of the first aid kit. The other members hang back, Donghyuck murmuring something about giving him room to breathe.

Jaemin hears Renjun speak into the phone while trying to regain his bearings. He groans, flexes his fingers, and says, "It's my back."

Someone takes a sharp breath. Jaemin echoes the sentiment. Jeno hesitates before touching his back, gentle fingers lifting his shirt and prodding at the muscle. Jaemin makes a conscious effort not to show how painful the barest touch is.

The choreographer is back, Joonhwa in tow. He takes in the scene and Jaemin hears him curse to himself, and then he's being lifted. Joonhwa carries him to the tiny couch squeezed in the back of the room, muttering, "Why is it always you? Give me a break, kid, or let the others be the ones worrying me for once."

Jaemin smiles a little. Joonhwa's concern is sweet, and Jaemin makes a mental note to really thank him for everything he does.

Renjun sits down next to Jaemin and lets him lean his body against his while Joonhwa applies soothing cream on his back. Jeno stands with the rest, one arm around Jisung's shoulders to comfort him, and Jaemin can see Donghyuck's eyes brim with tears.

He knows they're worried about his back. Ever since he returned from his hiatus, he's had to take things easier than before. There's a constant threat looming over him, the possibility of his back getting fucked up beyond repair real and terrifying. There was a general sense of disbelief and anger when, first thing after his return, the company assigned them a choreography where he literally had to carry someone on his back.

It was a good thing Sicheng offered to switch with him.

A particularly harsh press of Joonhwa's fingers on a sore muscle have Jaemin squirming away, closer to Renjun. Renjun turns his head, seemingly with the intent of kissing his forehead, and instead he ends up sniffing the top of Jaemin's head.

"Your scent is going off," Renjun tells him quietly. Jaemin whimpers through the pain. "I think it's best we take you home."

"That was the plan already," Joonhwa says. "Okay, this should help for now. Renjun, please take the members and wait for us at the parking lot. Jeno, I'm gonna need your help, Jaemin can't walk on his own like this."

"Yes, I can," Jaemin protests.

Joonhwa raises an eyebrow, as if daring him to try. Jaemin stands, takes a step, and almost meets the ground for the second time in ten minutes. Thankfully, Chenle was close enough and takes the brunt of the fall.

Chenle grunts, stumbling before he stops their fall, and Jaemin resolutely doesn't cry. Jeno is quick to take over, throwing Jaemin's arm around his shoulder and encircling his waist. Jaemin manages to thank Chenle, somehow.

Chenle doesn't answer, but his wide eyes say a lot. Renjun herds him, Jisung, and Donghyuck out the door, in spite of the multiple protests Donghyuck gives, and then Joonhwa is all he can see.

Their manager looms in front of him, for once standing to his full height. His manager hat is on, and Jaemin will admit, it's a bit intimidating.

"I'll go alert Management," their choreographer says. Smart, because Joonhwa is about to rip Jaemin a new one.

"Alright, you listen to me, young man," Joonhwa says. "We're going back to the dorm. You're going to take a shower, get in bed, and stop moving. We'll apply some more cream, and then later tonight if you're still in pain, we'll call the company nurse.

"If she says you can't move and need to stay in bed rest for three days, then that's what you'll do. No excuses," he rushes before Jaemin can open his mouth. "I don't want to hear it. You're my responsibility and you're already making me grow grey hair. I'm serious. You're gonna start doing as I say, or else."

Jeno snickers quietly. Jaemin would love to elbow him in the rib, but he's not in the best position to do so. "Alright, hyung," Jaemin concedes.

Joonhwa mutters something about how it was an order and not a suggestion, but motions them to start moving.

They move slowly, with Jeno supporting most of Jaemin's weight. Every step hurts like a bitch, and Jaemin has to make a conscious effort to keep his mouth shut and not let the pained whimpers through.

Of course, it's just his luck that they run into other people. Sehun stops in his tracks, his hand on the door handle, and he blinks before he's rushing over to where they are.

"What the fuck happened to you?" Sehun asks. As eloquent as always, Jaemin thinks.

"I hurt my back," Jaemin says, taking another step. They don't even need to stop to chat, at the pace they're going.

Sehun purses his lips. There are traces of makeup on his face, and his hair is gelled back, so Jaemin supposes he was filming something. "Do you need help getting to the car."

Jaemin shakes his head. "No, hyung, thank you. Jeno can handle it," Jaemin pats Jeno's back playfully. Jeno grunts and threatens to drop him down the stairs.

Before Sehun can insist, his own manager hisses at him that they need to move. Sehun rolls his eyes and waves him off, saying, "If you need anything, call. Or text the chat. You know what, I'll tell Renjun to keep us posted, I don't trust you."

With that, he's gone, texting what Jaemin assumes is their group chat. Jeno urges him forward lightly and they continue their awkward waddle through the halls.

* * *

The company nurse does stop by, although Joonhwa insists he didn't call her. Judging by the texts on his phone, Jaemin is inclined to believe him.

After getting home, Jaemin showered and lied down, as he was told. Chenle came into his room and rubbed cream on his sore muscles, promising he'd spend the night at their dorm to keep an eye on him. If he didn't know the offer would be rejected, Jaemin would have asked Chenle to cuddle.

It takes maybe twenty minutes for the nurse to check him over. Jaemin doesn't even have to move much, other than when she asks him to flip onto his side or to lie face up. She's a different nurse to the one that was called to help him when he collapsed four years ago at practice, but she's kind and doesn't push him too far.

Jaemin was expecting her to give him bed rest, so he isn't surprised when she says he has to stay in bed for at least two days. She tells Joonhwa that he's approaching a dangerous edge with his injury and that he needs to take it easy.

After she's gone, Joonhwa sits on the edge of Jaemin's bed and says, "You heard her. Start taking your health seriously, or I'll be really mad."

Those two days are boring as hell, if Jaemin's honest. He isn't allowed out of bed, and he was expressly forbidden of sitting at his desk, too. "We all know you could spend the entire day sitting at that chair, Jaem," Jeno, the leader, said, "So until we get back, you're staying in bed. Watch movies, eat the casserole Taeyong hyung sent, whatever. Just, please, stay there."

That's what Jaemin does. The novelty of lying down wears off soon and he's left staring at the ceiling, wishing he could at least go to the kitchen and cook something. The casserole is delicious, however, and he finishes half of it before he realises.

He's falling asleep when someone knocks on his bedroom door. Donghyuck walks in without waiting for him to answer, throwing his duffel bag on the ground, and still sweaty from practice, lies across Jaemin on his bed.

Jaemin's about to ask him what the hell is his problem when Donghyuck says, "I'm sorry I've been an ass to you lately."

"What?"

"Ever since you presented," Donghyuck explains, "I know I haven't been very supportive of you. I'm sorry."

"Uh," Jaemin blinks, "Thank you? You're forgiven. And I'm sorry, about the other time. That first time I went to the support group," he elaborates, seeing as Donghyuck doesn't seem to know what he's talking about, "I got back and you were waiting for me. I dismissed you, and when Jeno told me you'd been waiting for hours… I felt like crap, to be honest."

Donghyuck starts playing with Jaemin's fingers. He says, "I was really mad that day. I was thinking about myself only, and didn't stop to think about how you might have been feeling."

"But we're okay now, right?" Jaemin asks. He offers Donghyuck a grin. "We're still best friends?"

"Of course!" Donghyuck appears properly scandalised at the idea that Jaemin would think otherwise. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."

"I know," Jaemin sighs, "you're such a pain in the ass, Hyuck."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "You're not exactly a rain of sunshine, Jaem."

"I think our fans would disagree on that."

"Ugh, whatever," Donghyuck grumbles, but he's smiling. His eyes flicker down to the heating pad under Jaemin's back and he asks, quietly this time. "How are you doing?"

"I could be better," Jaemin admits. "But the pain is subsiding. I still need to stay in bed tomorrow, though, and I'm bored out of my mind."

Donghyuck nibbles on his bottom lip for a second before suggesting, "You should ask one of the hyungs to come by. Or Yangyang, I know you two are close. They can keep you company, so you won't be so lonely."

"That's… actually, that's a good idea," Jaemin muses. He thinks about asking Mark, but the elder has been preparing with SuperM for promotions and Jaemin doesn't want to bother him on the off chance he has a day off.

Eventually, he asks Jungwoo if he wants to come visit, to which he replies with a thousand emojis and exclamation points.

Jungwoo drops by the dorm right after the rest have left for a final fitting. Jaemin smells him from afar, the beta's sweet scent already ingrained in his memory. Jungwoo smells like cherries and hand cream.

"Hello," Jungwoo singsongs as he peeks inside the room. "How are you feeling?"

Jaemin waves him over. "Come in, hyung. I'm better now, thanks."

Jungwoo's smile is blinding as he goes to sit cross-legged on the bed. Jaemin makes room for him, moving some magazines out of the way. "It looks like an entire kiosko erupted in here."

"I'm sorting through all these," Jaemin explains.

 _These_ being the ridiculous amount of magazines strewn across the room. Jaemin has always been an avid magazine reader — from sports magazines to tech magazines, even those little comic books that you can't find anywhere but at a street stand — and he figured, if he has to stay in bed, he might as well do something useful.

Dragging the boxes out from under his bed was easy — he had Jisung do it, as payback for sleeping on his bed again. What's proving to be harder is getting rid of the magazines. Every time he thinks he'll throw one away, he'll leaf through it and find an article he wants to keep, and suddenly he's back at square one.

He explains his predicament to Jungwoo, who thinks seriously before saying, "Why don't you just cut them out?"

"Uh?"

"Cut out the articles you want to keep," Jungwoo says, "put them in a folder, or a binder, or something, and throw away the rest. You could even make a collage!"

Jaemin hadn't thought of that. "I hadn't thought of that," he admits. He smiles gratefully at his favourite hyung (don't tell Mark.) "Thanks, hyung."

"You're welcome," Jungwoo beams. "Do you need help finding someplace to put the articles?"

They work together for the better part of the morning. After locating a few folders and a school binder deep in the mess of their wardrobes, they steal scissors from Renjun's supply closet and get to work. As Jaemin cuts out articles (some are big and take up an entire page, others are footnotes or little squares in the corners) and separates the magazines he wants to keep entirely, Jungwoo decorates the folders with Jaemin's markers and organizes the articles.

It's fun, even if it's a little tedious to be sitting up for so long. Jaemin's sure his butt fell asleep somewhere around 8am. Jungwoo doesn't complain, other than when they try glueing some letters on the cover of the folders to make then cuter and they ended up with sticky fingers.

* * *

Disaster strikes after lunchtime. Jungwoo leaves for the kitchen to wash the dishes and throw away the leftovers, and Jaemin checks his phone.

Protests, outside of the SM building. Witnesses calculate a thousand people gathered on the pavement.

Hashtags on Twitter with over a million tweets.

NCT merch is sold for $2 a piece, his is basically thrown away. There are pictures and videos of their lightsticks being broken deliberately.

What hurts the most: ASTRO were leaving a CF shooting, and they were chased for nearly half an hour. The car almost crashed, and although no one was hurt, the perpetrators threatened to do the same to anyone that shows support to Jaemin.

Jungwoo barrels back inside the room, his phone in hand. Jaemin hears, faintly, Taeyong barking that Jaemin cannot see his phone under any circumstances.

Seeing Jaemin's vacant eyes, Jungwoo lifts the phone back to his ear and says, "Too late."

* * *

The company calls for a meeting. Initially, they were meant to go into the building, but Kun calls Management and tells them that there's no way they're risking letting anyone out.

By some stroke of luck, all members arrive to the Dream dorm building before things escalate. Their living room isn't built to fit these many grown adults in it, but no one makes a peep to complain.

Taeyong and Jaehyun sit with Jaemin on the couch, while Jungwoo sits at his feet. Jaemin keeps his head on his knees, inhaling as much of Jungwoo's beta scent as he can. Jaehyun's hand cards through his hair in soothing motions, and Jaemin is trained enought to tell that he, Mark, Jeno, Taeyong, and Kun are putting out as much of their scents as they can.

Renjun and Sicheng are in the kitchen, making tea. Yangyang insisted it would help, and Jaemin isn't in the right space to contradict him.

Everyone else sits scattered everywhere across the room. Jaemin looks up, just once, sees the concern etched on their faces, and promptly buries his head again. He can't deal with this.

Managers, for once, are not allowed in the meeting. Joonhwa wasn't ecstatic in the least, but he understood their need for privacy and prompted the others to give them space.

"I'm not sure what the company wants," Taeyong says. He's speaking to everyone in general, but he's also talking to Jaemin in specific. His hand rubs circles on Jaemin's back. "They'll probably send someone from Corporate later."

Jaemin can't help the whine at the back of his throat. If it were just Management, it would be easier. But no, Corporate is getting involved now. Jaemin's fucked.

He says so aloud and everyone springs to deny it. It's sweet, but it's useless. Jaemin doesn't need them to lie for his benefit — he's about three days away from getting expelled from the group, anyway.

"If they ask us to leave, or to speak to Jaemin alone, I'll make sure to let them know where they can stick it," Johnny grumbles, uncharacteristically crass.

"Maybe less rudely, but yes," Kun agrees. Nevermind Ten, he's Johnny's biggest enabler.

"We're not going anywhere," Taeyong vows.

Corporate arrives sooner than Jaemin would've liked. He's just taking a sip from the tea when the doorbell rings and the living room, already full of nervous hushes, falls deadly silent.

Mark gets up and opens the door. Jaemin tries to blink through the blackspots in his eyes and takes a heavy breath, dizzy. Jaehyun gently prods him until he's leaning into his side, and the alpha is warm and solid and makes Jaemin feel better.

Two men and a woman come inside. Jaemin has never seen them before, not even when he had to go on hiatus, and his nerves skyrocket. Jungwoo presses further against his legs, and Jaehyun squeezes his side.

The three members on the couch across from Jaemin stand up to give the representatives room. They sit down, pristin outfits and suitcases strangely out of place among the hoodies and sweaters they wear, Jisung's gym shoes in the corner and one of Jeno's bicycles discarded behind the couch.

They talk to Taeyong first. Jaemin doesn't mind, prefers not having to speak unless he absolutely has to. Taeyong does a grand job at deflecting every attempt they make at pushing him into a corner, and Jaemin would feel amazed if he could remember how to breathe.

"Jaemin," Taeyong says quietly. Jaemin snaps out of his reverie and makes a sound of confusion. "They say you have two choices."

 _Yes or yes?_ Jaemin wants to joke. He doesn't. He waits patiently for him to elaborate.

Instead of Taeyong, one of the men in suits speaks. "You either withdraw from the group," he says, and Jaemin isn't crazy when he thinks he hears half the group growl in distaste, "or you push through the promotions as if nothing."

"As if nothing?" Jaemin blinks.

"You wouldn't be allowed, none of you would, to speak on the matter."

"What would the company do?" It isn't Jaemin who asks. Renjun crosses his arms and glares at the reps, uncaring they could ruin his career in the blink of an eye. "He either gives them what they want or lets them tear him apart, taking every one else with him."

"Not to mention," Ten says, almost lazily if it weren't for the fire burning behind his eyes, "his image and reputation are ruined either way."

"Ignoring them is the best course of action," the woman says, and she sounds so sure, she almost convinces Jaemin. Almost. "If we give in to their whims —"

"Whims?" Renjun snaps. Kun makes a half-hearted attempt at calming him down. "Our friend almost got caught in a car accident with his entire group earlier today and you call that a whim?"

"The building is surrounded," Sicheng speaks quietly. His gaze burns holes through their façades. "It took you, how long? To get here? We need actual security."

"And if I leave?"

The living room plunges into an awful silence. Jaehyun's grip tightens, and then Jaemin is being spun around to look at Taeyong. His leader, eyes brimming with tears, says, "That's not an option. Don't even think about it."

"But —"

"No. Don't be ridiculous."

Jaemin nods and sags against Jaehyun. The reps don't appear very happy. One of them says, "You're not being reasonable, Taeyong-ssi. You're asking too much of the company, but won't entertain the idea that makes the most sense."

"Asking too much?" Taeyong asks. Jaemin knows that tone, and he resists the urge to completely hide behind Jaehyun. Things are going to shit quicker than he thought they would. "We have our entire lives to this company, but you can't help deal with this? You put out one statement about how Jaemin didn't know he had the gene and you think your job is done? Even though things have only gotten worse since?"

"And what do you expect us to do?" The third rep says. He'd stayed quiet so far, and now his voice is full of contempt. As if he's speaking to a bunch of children.

Taeyong's answering growl is heart attack inducing. "I expect you to do better."

"You could have the people outside the building arrested," Johnny suggests, almost sarcastic. "You could say something like, 'hey, maybe don't threaten to kill a kid over something he can't control.'"

"You should probably locate the staff members leaking our private information and sue them," Mark says.

"The police would probably more inclined in finding who was chasing ASTRO if a big company like SM pressured them," Kun pipes up.

All around the room, everyone makes their own comment. They're pointing out the things where the company has failed, thinly veiled behind a tone of suggestion.

Jaemin can't breathe. He whispers so to Jaehyun, who's quick to pull back and look at his face. Whatever he finds, he doesn't like it. Two dozen pairs of eyes focus on him and Jaemin _can't breathe._

Taeyong dismisses the reps. His reputation as an alpha is known around the company and they leave, but not before Johnny says pointedly, "I think it's pretty clear, but just in case: Jaemin isn't going anywhere. Tell the company to do their job."

There's static in his ears. Jaemin gasps for air, feels his chest tighten, and he thinks he might be crying. He can't tell.

A hand settles in his nape. Jaemin blinks repeatedly until his vision clears and Taeyong's concerned face comes into view.

Jaemin's in his room. Other than Taeyong and Sicheng, there's no one else with him. Beyond the closed door, he can smell Kun, Renjun, and Yangyang loiter outside the room.

"Wha—" he pants.

"Don't try to speak yet," Sicheng hushes him, handing him a glass of water. "Just breathe for now, okay?"

Jaemin doesn't really have a problem with that. He takes large gulps, even if some of it dribbles past his lips and down his chin. Taeyong wipes it away, affectionate exasperation in his eyes.

"You want to know what happened?" Taeyong asks. Jaemin nods silently. "Well, after the meeting went south, you had a panic attack. That's what Ten said. He made everyone back up and told me and Sicheng to bring you here, instead."

"He was kind of cool," Sicheng whispers. Jaemin wants to roll his eyes at his lovestruck face.

Taeyong wipes Jaemin's cheeks, and Jaemin just then realises they're wet. So maybe he _was_ crying.

"What are we gonna do?" Jaemin asks. He doesn't want to admit he's scared, but it must be plain on his face. Sicheng coos and drags him into his embrace.

"We're gonna fight this," Taeyong says resolutely. "We'll make the company listen to us, and we won't let anyone mess with you."

"I'm making everything worse," Jaemin whispers. Even so, he picks up Yangyang's distressed whine through the door, followed by Kun's hushed whispers of reassurance. "I should just leave the group, like everyone wants."

"And who's this everyone you're talking about?" Taeyong asks. "Management, that couldn't care less about anything other than money? People who've never even met you?"

"We don't want you to go anywhere," Sicheng tells him. "And we won't let you."

"It isn't just us," Taeyong brings his phone out and shows Jaemin a conversation between him and the SuperM leader. "Baekhyunnie hyung said he'd sue the company if I asked."

Jaemin snorts. He thinks back to Sehun, Joohyun, Taemin, and Seulgi, and thinks they would make the same offer.

"We'll figure things out," Taeyong promises. "For now, you need to focus on you. Everyone's spending the night here, so you get all the cuddles you want, and tomorrow we'll sit down and discuss things, like a team."

"Alright," Jaemin nods. He hears Yangyang's excited buzzing and smiles, "Let Yangie in, I think he might pass out if he doesn't hug me in ten seconds."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this took so long,,, this took an unexpected turn regarding the plot so i'm a little behind on figuring out what's gonna happen but it's fun!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hyungu hyung keeps," Dongju sighs, "giving me these looks. It's annoying as hell."
> 
> "He means well," Jaemin says.
> 
> Dongju rubs his face. He's only here for support, not a speck of makeup on him. "I know he does. But it isn't helping."
> 
> Jaemin feels for him. After all, he knows what it's like to have a crush on someone that doesn't just work with you, but has also seen you through your best and your worst since you were a kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you tiger inside taeyong for growling, it is the only thing that pulled me through writing this
> 
> as you can tell, there is no such thing as constistency here. pretend like skz and onewe were promoting at the same time as dream, thank you
> 
> and in case you couldn't tell, covid doesn't exist here

"Do me a favour when you get home," the stylist grumbles, passive-aggressively patting Jaemin's face with a makeup sponge, "take a box of Valium and sleep. There isn't enough foundation to cover these."

"I thought you were supposed to be nice." Jaemin doesn't frown because he doesn't want to ruin her work.

"I'm supposed to make you look good in front of the camera," she corrects him, "and I can't do that if your eyebags are bigger than the Han river."

Jaemin sighs. They're filming their comeback stage this morning, so they arrived at the station at 4am to get their hair and makeup done. Most groups have to go to the salon first, but their company usually arranges for the stylists to do it all at the building. It's more convenient this way, since they don't need to be driving around town.

"I'll try to get more sleep tonight." It's an empty promise and they both know it. She finishes his makeup and ushers him off the chair, calling out to Renjun that it's his turn.

Jaemin stretches his limbs, groaning as something cracks. He isn't just sleepy — he's tense, wound tight, stiff as a board, however you want to call it. He can barely move as it is, and he worries about performing later. They will be performing in front of a live audience, and Jaemin can't even concentrate on his rigid muscles the second he remembers he's in deep waters with the fans.

While the situation has simmered down in the last two weeks, it is far from over. Sure, they can leave their dorm without worrying about a mob, and he hasn't received any more death threats, but it isn't an ideal situation, either.

"Hey," Chenle greets him. The boy has been ready for filming for almost an hour, and Jaemin is positive he saw him sleeping fifteen minutes ago. "You look like shit, even with makeup."

"Thanks," Jaemin snorts. He sits down when Chenle scoots to the side, making room for him. "I've been hearing that a lot today."

To his credit, Chenle looks genuinely apologetic. "Sorry, that was uncalled for."

"It's fine," Jaemin shrugs, resting his head on the wall. "It's not a lie, anyway."

Chenle bites his lip, gazing at Jaemin with worry. Jaemin closes his eyes, mindful of the painstakingly applied eyeliner, and sighs through his nose. "I think I'm gonna have to call the company therapist and see about sleeping pills," Jaemin whispers. He doesn't want anyone else to overhear him.

"Really?" Chenle asks, just as quietly.

It wouldn't be the first time one of their members, or any idol in general, needed help to sleep. Their careers are stressful, to put it mildly, and sometimes sleep doesn't come, no matter how exhausted you might be. Jaemin knows his lack of sleep isn't just due to the stress and the anxiety this entire situation is giving him, but it is a big part of it.

"Yeah," Jaemin hums. "I can't promote if I can't get a wink of sleep."

"It's not like we get much sleep during promotion times," Chenle chuckles.

Jaemin smiles half-heartedly. "That's true. Let me rephrase that: I would like to catch those precious two or three hours of sleep at night that we get each day."

Chenle knocks their shoulders together as gently as he can. He's human, and he doesn't have a distinct scent like those with the gene have, but he still smells like Chenle: like that ridiculously expensive cologne his mother bought him for Christmas, and the brand of soap he likes.

"You smell good," Jaemin tells him. "I know I sound like a broken record, lately, talking about scents, but…"

"You don't sound like a broken record," Chenle reassures him. Jaemin can feel him shake his head. "You sound a little crazy, yeah, but," he breaks off in giggles.

Jaemin makes a scandalised sound. He's mindful of keeping his tone low, not wanting to bother those (read: Jeno and Donghyuck) actually getting some sleep on the other side of the room. Jisung disappeared a while ago, allegedly gone to the bathroom. Jaemin will bet his entire bank account that he's still talking to that trainee.

"Alright, kids, they're ready for you," Joonhwa announces.

The six of them fall in line and follow Joonhwa down the twisting corridors of the building like little ducklings, stopping each time they run into another artist to do the mandatory bow-and-greet motion. Jaemin's grin is frozen on his face, although it turns much more genuine when he sees Hyunjin exiting his changing room.

They halt outside of the recording studio, a few of the producers waiting for them in front of the double doors. Jaemin is last in line, because he stopped to chat with Hyunjin for a second, but he isn't so far behind he can't see the frowns on everyone's faces.

"What's going on?" He whispers in Donghyuck's ear. His only response is a helpless shrug.

Joonhwa turns around to look at them. His eyes scan their faces before he runs a hand down his own and sighs, motioning for them to huddle closer. The producers go back inside the studio.

"Okay, kids, listen, um," Joonhwa hesitates, "I don't know how to say this, but… we might have a problem."

"What kind of problem?" Chenle asks. His eyes flicker to Jaemin for a single second before he looks at Joonhwa again. "Is it the stage props? Couldn't fit the motorcycles?"

His joke falls flat. Joonhwa offers him a wry grin and says, "No, it isn't about the props."

"Hyung," Jaemin sighs, "Just out with it. Is it about me? Do they not want me to perform on their show?"

"No, no, that's not it." Joonhwa sounds sincere, so Jaemin believes him. He's ready to relax when Joonhwa adds, "The producers don't have a problem with you, don't worry."

"Then, what is it?" Renjun insists.

"The crowd." Joonhwa sighs again. "The producers said that when the MC announced you were next, they turned off their lightsticks and sat down."

Jaemin's body goes numb.

"What does that mean?" Jisung asks in the smallest voice possible.

"It means they're giving us a black ocean." Jaemin doesn't mean to snap at him, but he's past caring. Just when he thinks things will go back to normal.

"Here? At _Music Bank?_ " Jisung squeaks.

Jaemin shrugs. "They probably couldn't wait until the end of year awards."

Joonhwa flaps his hands around in an attempt to recapture their attention. "Look, kids, we can't back out now. So, we'll have to do our best with what we have."

In spite of the knot in his stomach, Jaemin stumbles through the doors and follows his members to the stage. He keeps his eyes casted to the ground, trailing behind Jeno as close as he can without raising suspicions.

Well, that doesn't really matter. The closer they are, the happier the fans are, right? Jaemin never thought he would take full advantage of that, until now, when he plasters himself to Jeno's back until the cameramen give them the sign they're ready to go.

Performing in front of a silent audience is terrifying. Jaemin dreads every second of it, as he settles into position on stage and waits for the music to start. The cameras are trained on them, the lights have been dimmed for the time being, and Jaemin can hear his heart beating in his ears.

Just as the stage director is counting down the seconds to their cue, Jaemin spots someone (several someones, in fact,) sneaking inside the recording studio. The people in the audience grow restless as they see them, until the staff hushes them.

Jaemin sees Hyunjin first, accompanied by Changbin and Jisung. Dongju sneaks in next with his twin, Hyungu, and the bassist boy (Jaemin can't remember his name now, but he's heard _plenty_ about him from Dongju).

It's surreal. Jaemin's performing to a black ocean, yet his friends showed up to the recording and are now doing their fanchant. Hyunjin's the most enthusiastic about it, although Hyungu is a close second.

It helps Jaemin pull through. As the song comes to an end and the cameramen focus on today's ending fairy — Jaemin has the feeling it will be Jeno — the crowd erupts in whispers. The idols are rushed out of the studio, but not before they wave cheerily at the Dream members.

"I can't believe they did that," Renjun laughs airily. A staff member disconnects his in-ear mic and helps him untangle from the mess of cables before Renjun continues, "That was so fucking cool."

"Yeah," Jaemin breathes. He's not sure that actually happened and it wasn't a hallucination induced by hairspray fumes.

Renjun waits for their stylist to do all the retouching she deems necessary on Jaemin's face, and then they exit the studio together. Jaemin feels like he's walking on a cloud.

"That was," Jaemin says, searching for the right word: he fails. "That was really nice of them. I just hope it doesn't come back to bite them in the ass."

"Hey." Renjun stops him outside their changing room with a hand on his sleeve. "Stop thinking so much. Not everything is your fault, honey."

Jaemin doesn't answer that, because he doesn't know how. All he knows is that he disagrees with the sentiment.

* * *

Jaemin finds his friends in the hallway before they're supposed to join the other artists on stage for the winner announcement.

It's nearly 8pm, and they've been in the building for over twelve hours. Jaemin admittedly meant to seek them out earlier, but they had to get their pictures taken, and then ONEWE were called to perform, and then Stray Kids left the building momentarily to record something — and Jaemin fell asleep in their waiting room after having a snack with Renjun.

Dongju is ecstatic to introduce him to his twin, a beta named Dongmyeong, and Jaemin pretends Dongju doesn't blush when he says, "And this is Giwook, his bandmate."

Hyunjin and Jaemin share a knowing glance. Renjun is already chatting Dongmyeong's ears off, and Jeno and Jisung disappeared minutes ago to get coffee from the cafeteria, so there aren't too many eyes to see Dongju turn into a fumbling mess.

"I heard your song the other day, it's really cool," Hyunjin says to Giwook.

The bassist looks elated to hear that. Hyunjin more or less pulls him away to chat about the song, asking him how it feels to have YoungK to praise him, saying, "I swear, Seungmin has been listening to your album nonstop simply because a Day6 member liked it."

As soon as they're out of hearing range, Jaemin gives Dongju a knowing look. Dongju rolls his eyes and tells him to shut up.

"I didn't say anything," Jaemin giggles.

"You didn't have to," Dongju grumbles.

They lean against the wall, aware there are idols and staff members rushing around the building in last-minute preparations.

"Are you ever going to tell him?" Jaemin asks, serious this time.

"No," Dongju says pointedly. "There's no reason to."

Jaemin knows better than to argue with him. Dongju has made it pretty obvious that he doesn't want to talk about it, and the only brave soul to push is Sanha. Sanha isn't here, though.

"Hyungu hyung keeps," Dongju sighs, "giving me these looks. It's annoying as hell."

"He means well," Jaemin says.

Dongju rubs his face. He's only here for support, not a speck of makeup on him. "I know he does. But it isn't helping."

Jaemin feels for him. After all, he knows what it's like to have a crush on someone that doesn't just work with you, but has also seen you through your best and your worst since you were a kid.

Not that Jaemin will ever admit it to himself. He keeps the idea of a crush under lock and key in the furthest corner of his mind.

"I'm sorry," Jaemin says. He means it, more than Dongju could tell.

Dongju thanks him, and if his eyes grow a little misty, no one has to know.

* * *

Jaemin's worst nightmare? Being stuck in a car chase.

It's just his luck that he would find himself in that situation on the same night as he performs in front of a black ocean.

The MCs announce the winner, and Dream smile politely and clap while they deliver their speech. They stay in the building long enough to change into something more comfortable than their stage outfits, and wave goodbye to Stray Kids at the parking lot. Dongju texted him earlier that they left as soon as recording was over, because ONEUS had a vlive scheduled.

Joonhwa pulls out of the lot and drives for five minutes without a worry. Jeno, Donghyuck, and Chenle sit at the far back of the van, having a live of their own. Jaemin hears them thank their fans for voting and supporting them, and he's close to falling asleep on his seat. It's been a long day, after all.

Jisung notices first among the Dreamies. He's texting Mark about the performance when he looks out the window and sees the cars around them are a little _too_ close to their own for comfort.

"Hyung?" Jisung calls out.

"I saw," is all Joonhwa says.

Jaemin tenses at the tightness in Joonhwa's voice. Renjun twists in his seat to look outside too, and the conversation in the back lulls momentarily before Jeno says, quietly, "I'm sorry, we have to go," and turns off the live stream.

"Don't worry," Joonhwa reassures them. "We're almost at the dorm, it's going to be fine."

The inside of the car lights up. Jaemin is blinded for a second, not to mention thoroughly confused, until he realises the car behind them is everything but on top of them. Donghyuck curses loudly, and it says something about the situation that Joonhwa doesn't reprimand him for it.

Chenle squeaks in surprise when another car gets too close to their side. Jeno puts a hand on his knee, hushing him. Jaemin can't breathe.

"Fuck," Joonhwa curses.

Jaemin looks ahead and sees the road is closed due to a construction site. Which means, Joonhwa has to take a detour.

Joonhwa takes the side road, fumbling for his phone with his right hand. "Jeno, call Shinwok and tell him to meet us at the entrance of your dorm building, please."

Jaemin pretty much blacks out after that. He's aware of their car swerving multiple times, of the ride becoming bumpier, and of Renjun's hand gripping his. Jeno whispers to Chenle to keep calm, even after he starts sniffling, and Jisung pulls his knees up to his chest in the passenger's seat. Donghyuck doesn't make a sound, but Jaemin can smell his fear.

He comes back to his head when they reach their building. All their managers are downstairs, even the WayV ones, and the leaders are waiting with them. There are roughly a dozen police officers, as well. Their car lights illuminate the street.

Chenle makes a beeline for the safety of Kun as soon as Joonhwa parks the car. Jaemin, just for a second, thinks that they're safe. But as he exists the car, he sees they've been followed.

Someone throws a rock. It doesn't hit Jaemin by a miracle, and it smashes the car window instead. Jeno grabs his arm and drags him to the building, where Taeyong bodily pushes him inside. The doors slam closed after them.

"Jaemin." Someone's talking to him. It sounds like Mark. "Jaemin, look at me. Can you hear me?"

Jaemin nods, or tries. He sees blurry figures move past him and toward the elevator. Someone else crouches in front of him. It _is_ Mark.

"Jaem," Mark says, and Jaemin can hear him better this time. "Hey. Are you hurt?"

Jaemin shakes his head. Mark sighs, running a hand through Jaemin's hair. It's soothing. There's a commotion outside.

"Where's Taeyong hyung?" Jaemin asks.

Mark hesitates before he answers. "He's outside, with the managers. Kun took the others upstairs."

"Okay. Yeah, that's good."

A growl breaks through the air. A growl that has Jaemin retreating into his coat. Mark begins to growl in response before he stops himself.

"That's Taeyong hyung," Jaemin whispers.

"I know," Mark whispers back.

The glass doors bang open and a manager comes in, dragging Taeyong by the collar of his neck. The rest of the managers file in, and the officers block the entrance to the building.

"Do you have any idea," 127's main manager hisses at Taeyong, "how fucking stupid that was?"

"I don't give a shit," Taeyong snaps and turns away from him.

Taeyong approaches Jaemin with caution. Jaemin isn't scared of him, but his earlier growl was downright terrifying, and Jaemin can't help that he cowers.

"I'm sorry I scared you," Taeyong says to him. He's barely able to look Jaemin in the eye.

"It's fine," Jaemin shakes his head, "You didn't mean to. What happened?"

"Why don't we go upstairs, first?" Taeyong helps him to his feet, and keeps a steady hand on his lower back while guiding him to the elevator. Mark follows closely, holding Jaemin's hand in his.

* * *

"What the hell happened downstairs?" Ten demands.

As it would seem, Ten and Johnny decided for themselves that they would come to the dorm with the leaders. Jaemin is glad — Johnny can help keep Donghyuck in check, make sure he doesn't do something stupid like stomp downstairs. Ten hasn't let go of Jisung's hand since Jaemin walked inside the room.

Joonhwa drops on the couch like lead. "Cars followed us from the station. Someone threw a rock. Taeyong thought it would be a good idea to growl at them."

"I'll do it again," Taeyong grumbles. He's standing by the windows, looking down at the street below them. The crowd is still there, Jaemin knows, because he can hear them.

Kun huffs. "What did the police do?"

"They've already arrested the agressors," a manager says. "They almost arrested Taeyong, but we handled it."

"Oh, like how you've handled this entire situation?" Ten bites.

Jeno, sitting next to Jaemin, rubs a hand up and down Jaemin's back. All the Dream members sit in a circle around him, and it lead to Ten and Kun to sit with them, too.

"Jaemin, remember to breathe," Kun says quietly. Jaemin inhales.

Johnny returns from the kitchen, phone in hand. Jaemin isn't sure who he was talking to, but judging by the look on his face, it wasn't a happy call.

"It's all over the news," Johnny says. "And social media. Especially Taeyong."

Taeyong growls in distaste and turns away from the rest of them.

"What about the rock?" Renjun asks. "Or the chase?"

Johnny shakes his head. "I haven't seen any of it, and neither has Jaehyun. The others are gonna keep looking at the tags, but…"

"But it looks like I attacked an innocent bystander," Taeyong finishes for him.

"The window," Donghyuck insists, "it was shattered, they'll see it was for good reason."

"Not from that angle. Only one video is being shared, and you can't see the window."

"Fucking dammit," Renjun curses.

The managers are huddled in a corner. Their phones have been going off since they came into the apartment. Only Joonhwa and one 127 manager are apart from the group — Jaemin would ask for his name if he could be bothered to care.

"I'm going to throw up," Jaemin announces to no one in particular. He stands up, goes to the bathroom, and pukes everything in his stomach.

Mark comes inside and kneels beside him on the tiled floor. "You need to stop watching me puke," Jaemin says to him.

"Stop talking," Mark rolls his eyes. "Do you want some water?"

"I want to die." Jaemin's joking. Mostly.

Mark sighs. "Don't say that, please."

"This just keeps getting worse." Jaemin closes the lid on the toilet and lies his forehead on the cool marble. His throat hurts. "I should have just left the group when Corporate wanted me to."

"I wouldn't have let you," Mark tells him.

"Yeah, because you're an idiot."

"Maybe. But I love you, and I don't want to see you do something you'll regret for the rest of your life."

Jaemin knows he didn't mean it that way, but Mark's words send a flurry of butterflies to his tummy. He hoists himself up, reaches the sink, and it takes every last bit of strength he has to brush his teeth.

Feeling like a vague excuse for a human being, Jaemin exits the bathroom. He takes in the sight of the living room plunged into disaster, and says, "I need a twenty-four hour nap."

"Go rest," Joonhwa nods, "We'll let you know when we hear anything."

Jaemin thanks him softly. The members chorus goodbyes, Kun saying something about making him soup for when he wakes up. He's halfway to his room when he notices Mark's following him.

"What?" Mark smiles innocently. "I'm not leaving you alone."

It's nice of him. Jaemin lies down in his side, Mark lies opposite him. Jaemin's eyes are closing on their own, but Mark's presence distracts him.

"Thank you for being here," Jaemin says into the night.

Mark's eyes travel over his face. They linger at Jaemin's lips for a microsecond before returning to Jaemin's eyes.

"My pleasure," Mark whispers.

Mark smells good. Like baby powder, soap, clean clothes. Jaemin regrets not showering, but he doesn't think his legs could hold him up right now. He's glad they changed back at the studio building.

"I'm scared."

"Me too, baby."

Jaemin raises his eyebrows at the nickname. Mark doesn't bother to appear flustered at all. "Can I call you that?"

"Yes," _You can call me anything, really._

"Okay, then. You should get some sleep," Mark suggests. A stupid little smile plays at his lips. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> giwook and dongju pls breathe in the same room i'm trying to see something
> 
> ik updates are very slow rn but this depression is haha kicking my ass. writing takes a lot of energy and this mere 3.6k chapter took me over a month to write, and i'm so sorry to keep you guys waiting like this :( if you spot any grammar errors or even something that seems off about the plot, tell me, bc my sleep schedule is way off and idek what i wrote tbh


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of things happen, a confession takes place, Jaemin is honest to himself, and Taeyong faces the consequences of his own actions.

Chenle’s pinched expression is the first thing to greet Jaemin, sometime in the middle of the night.

“What’s wrong now?” Jaemin groans. 

“You’re gonna wanna see this,” Chenle says.

Mark’s asleep, out cold, and Jaemin seriously debates whether to wake him up or to leave him be. He’s tempted to allow him to sleep in, considering this wouldn’t be the first time he receives bad news upon waking up, but he doesn’t think he can handle dealing with this by himself.

They step out into a crowded living room. The whole apartment smells like Kun’s signature chicken soup, the kind he always cooks when someone’s sick or injured. Jisung’s passed out on the couch, his head pillowed on Ten’s thigh, and Ten’s snoring with his head thrown back. Chenle drapes his body over the loveseat like a cat.

Joonhwa offers Jaemin a tight-lipped smile when he sees him. “Jaemin, please sit down. Could someone wake up Jisung?”

Jaemin takes a seat on the couch across from Ten and Jisung, with Mark sinking down on the free space between him and the armrest. His hair’s mussed adorably, half of his face red from the pillow. Donghyuck, Jeno, and Renjun leave the same room, huddled under two blankets, and collapse on the ground by Jaemin’s feet. 

Johnny exits the kitchen, carrying a tray with a bowl of soup for Jaemin. As the man helps him set up, Kun shakes Jisung and Ten awake with a gentle hand. Some of the managers are gone, Jaemin notes, save for Joonhwa and 127’s main manager. Taeyong’s nowhere to be seen, but Jaemin can still smell him inside the apartment. 

“What’s going on?” Jisung croaks while sitting up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Ten grumbles as he flutters his eyes open, and he promptly buries his face in the back of Jisung’s head.

“We found the leaks in the company,” Joonhwa announces to the room at large. 

Ten smiles. “Great! Who was it?”

Joonhwa sighs. “There were a few. The new worker at the cafeteria, for one. Several of your managers,” he grumbles, “and a trainee named Son Mina.”

Jisung sits up in alarm. “What?” he whispers.

“Dispatch released her name after the company, uh, pressured them into it,” Joonhwa says, not unkindly. “She’s the one who told them about Jaemin’s presentation.”

Hearing those words is like having a bucket of iced water poured over his head. Eyes brimming with tears, Jaemin looks at Jisung. 

“Jisung,” Jaemin’s voice wobbles dangerously, “What did you do?”

“It wasn’t me!” Jisung cries out. “Hyung, I swear, I never said anything to her.”

“Then how did she know?” Jaemin asks. He doesn’t want to cry, but he doesn’t think he will be able to help it. 

Jisung shakes his head, tearing up himself. “I don’t know, I don’t know how she found out, but I promise you, it wasn’t from me. I would never do that to you.”

Jaemin sniffs. Mark grabs his hand and squeezes tight, but even that doesn’t provide much comfort. Son Mina is the trainee Jisung was – is – infatuated with, the girl he’s been talking to for months. Jisung always seemed so happy when he talked to her, even if just for a few minutes.

Logically, Jaemin knows Jisung wouldn’t have said a word about his personal life to her, no matter how close they were. As Jisung said, he wouldn’t do something like that, to anyone, but especially not to Jaemin.

It’s unfortunate that the sense of betrayal won’t go away. Jaemin doesn’t dare look Jisung in the eyes, afraid he won’t be able to control his expression. He doesn’t want his fear to ruin their friendship any further, so he looks down at Mark’s hand. Even if Jisung’s whimpers tear at his heart. 

“What else did you hear?” Jeno asks Joonhwa. His voice, while raspy from sleep, is tight. 

“In addition to leaking the information about Jaemin’s presentation, the worker at the café told the tabloids that he’s been having problems with his new status. And,” Joonhwa pauses, “some of the managers were responsible for leaking photos, addresses, and some other bits of sensitive information.”

“My God,” Chenle murmurs. “This is insane.”

Renjun fidgets. “What’s gonna happen now?”

“Well,” Joonhwa exhales, “The company wants to have a meeting with Jaemin first, and then another with everyone. They’ll explain things in more detail to you, but for now I can assure you that all those people will be sued.”

“Who’s getting sued?” Taeyong asks, walking back into the living room. 

“A lot of people,” his manager says curtly.

Donghyuck raises his hand timidly. “What about what happened today? What’s gonna happen to Taeyong hyung?”

Joonhwa shakes his head. “I don’t know. We don’t know if that person will want to press charges for intimidation or verbal assault.”

“I didn’t assault anyone,” Taeyong grumbles. Chenle makes room for him in the loveseat, even though they have to squeeze together. 

“I’m not sure that’s how they’ll see it,” his manager fires back. 

Taeyong appears ready to say something back, but Johnny’s hand on his shoulder placates him. Johnny’s perched on the armrest next to him, looking worse for wear. 

“What I do know,” Joonhwa continues, “is that everyone that chased your car is going to be sued, too. As I said, the police arrested most of them downstairs.”

“I guess that’s good,” Jaemin mumbles. “Better than what they’ve been doing, anyway.”

Joonhwa nods and rubs his face. He appears to have aged ten years in the past three hours, hair askew and suit out of place. He has deep bags under his eyes and his cheeks are sunken, as if he hasn’t been sleeping nor eating lately. 

“Hyung, you should get some rest,” Jeno says, reading Jaemin’s mind. “You look like shit.”

For once, Joonhwa doesn’t protest. 127’s manager reassures him he can handle it for now, more or less pushing Joonhwa in the direction of the spare room. Jaemin eats as much of Kun’s soup as he can hold down, but Kun notices and takes the bowl from him, smiling kindly.

“Don’t force yourself, Jaem,” he says, “It can give you indigestion.”

“It was good,” Jaemin offers meekly. Kun’s smile widens and he ruffles Jaemin’s hair with his free hand. 

Mark squeezes Jaemin’s hand once to gain his attention. Jaemin hums to show he’s listening, but he doesn’t meet his eyes. His gaze stays on the back of Jeno’s head, on Renjun’s hair tickling his knee, Donghyuck’s tanned nape. 

“I’m guessing you won’t be going back to sleep?” Mark says. Jaemin shakes his head silently. “Do you need anything?”

Jaemin shakes his head again, but he does speak this time. “I don’t really want to do anything. Can we just stay here?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure,” Mark exhales. 

Donghyuck twists around to peer up at him, brows furrowed. “Do you want us to stay with you?”

“Please,” Jaemin whispers. 

So, they stay in the living room. Ten falls asleep again soon after, petting Jisung like a kitten until his hand drops to the cushions, and Kun sits with them, guiding Ten’s head to his shoulder so he won’t have a stiff neck when he wakes up. Jisung is awake, Jaemin can tell that much, but he keeps his head hidden in Ten’s thigh, his back turned to the living room.

Chenle makes a valiant attempt at staying awake, but he yawns three consecutive times and Taeyong more or less forces him to take a nap on his lap. Johnny doesn’t move from his spot, doesn’t dare to do so, even less once Taeyong begins to nod off and his torso becomes the alpha’s pillow.

Jeno rests his head on Jaemin’s knee. Jaemin’s hand falls to his hair, almost on instinct, and plays with the strands absentmindedly. It’s a soothing action, something to keep him in motion without really moving from his spot. 

Regardless of how calm and still the room has gone, Jaemin can’t appreciate it. His mind is split a thousand different ways, worrying about everything that’s happened in the past handful of months, about what happened today, and about what will happen tomorrow. 

Jaemin doesn’t even know where his phone has gone, and that’s saying something. Jaemin never drops that thing from his hand. He’s sure it must be buzzing like crazy, wherever it is. 

Renjun suddenly climbs onto the couch, curling up next to Jaemin with a sniff. Jaemin barely moves his head to look at him. Renjun clutches Jaemin’s sweatshirt until his knuckles turn white, pulling himself closer. 

“I’m sorry,” Renjun whispers. “This is so unfair.”

“It’s not your fault,” Jaemin whispers back.

Renjun denies with his head, shaking it so hard Jaemin fears he’ll hurt himself. Donghyuck moves as if to join them on the couch, but Jeno holds him back with a strong arm. Mark doesn’t speak, no one does. The room is quiet enough they can hear Renjun choking on a sob, the way he’s struggling to breathe, but they do what they can to give them their privacy.

“I know it isn’t,” Renjun wipes at his eyes. “But someone has to say it. You don’t deserve any of this.”

Jaemin can’t really argue with that. Renjun doesn’t say anything else, but he does wrap his arms around Jaemin’s neck, laying his head on his shoulder. Jaemin shuts his eyes, Renjun’s shampoo and warmth settling in his bones, and waits for dawn.

~~~

The 10th floor at SM’s building has a fame that makes everyone in the company cower and jitter in excitement at the same time. It’s the floor where they told Jaemin he would be joining the famed Rookies program – a project which, since its announcement, had every trainee doubling down on their training, and bringing out a level of competitiveness that many didn’t know they had – and it’s the floor where they told them they would debut as one group. It’s the floor where comeback announcements and plans are made, as well as disbandment decisions.

It’s also the floor where Jaemin met with the executives after his injury, where a doctor explained to him that if he didn’t go on a hiatus immediately, he might never dance again. The floor where Jaemin had to sign a bunch of legal paperwork he could hardly wrap his head around, time and time again.

Today, Jaemin travels to the 10th floor with Joonhwa, Taeyong, and Mark. He didn’t have any sleep, neither of them did, and it’s far too early for anyone else to be at the company. They had to leave early for several reasons, one of which being the police escort arriving before they were supposed to, and also because half of the board is leaving on a trip at noon.

“Do I really have to go in there alone?” Jaemin asks for the third time.

“Yes, really,” Joonhwa sighs. “I don’t like it either, but they insisted. Not even I’m allowed in the meeting with you.”

“Is that even legal? You’re my manager, right?”

“Yes, it’s legal. You’re an adult. I don’t suppose you plan on asking for a lawyer,” Joonhwa eyes him.

Jaemin considers the idea for a second, but ultimately shakes his head. “No. There’s no point.”

“It’s going to be fine,” Taeyong clasps his shoulder. “I’ll be right outside the meeting room, if you need anything –”

“No,” Joonhwa interrupts firmly. “You are not doing anything, you’re not going anywhere. You’re in trouble with the board, too, don’t forget that.”

Taeyong grumbles something scathing. Joonhwa doesn’t blink. 

Jaemin takes a deep breath as their elevator reaches the 10th floor landing. Mark takes his hand as they exit the car, and Jaemin would feel bad about nearly snapping his fingers off if he weren’t so terrified. Mark doesn’t make a comment, lets Jaemin grip his hand like a lifeline the entire walk to the meeting room.

“Now, remember,” Joonhwa says, looking Jaemin in the eye, “listen to what they have to say. There are scent dampeners all over that room, but you’re still young and it is possible your emotions could get your scent out of control, or that you might pick up on theirs. Breathe through your mouth if you need to, count from ten backwards, and try to stay level-headed.”

“Okay,” Jaemin inhales. 

“You’re not the one they’re mad at,” Taeyong adds. “Keep that in mind, yeah?”

“Okay.”

“We’re right here,” Mark promises. “And the guys will be here soon.”

“Okay.”

“Jaemin-ssi?” A secretary exits the meeting room. “They’re ready for you.”

Jaemin exhales slowly and follows her inside. He’s familiar with this room, has been here a few times before, and he quickly makes his way to the end of the large table, bowing hastily before sitting down on the first chair he sees. 

Across from him, sit the board of executives and two lawyers. Jaemin feels underdressed in their presence, even though Ten wrestled him into a suit and slacks this morning. He complained about the tie suffocating him then, and it suffocates him now. Well, he actually can’t tell if it’s the tie or the fear in his veins.

“Good morning, Mr. Na,” one greets him. Jaemin can’t recognise them, or any of them for that matter, and that quells his nerves a little – he’s glad he won’t have to face the people from Corporate from last time. “I assume you know why we’re meeting today.”

“I do,” Jaemin confirms. His voice doesn’t waver, thank fuck. 

Another man clears his throat and says, “The first order of business is to let you know, we have no plans to remove you from your group’s line-up. That might have been a viable option at first, but it is no longer. Given the current circumstances, it would only aggravate things further with the public.”

Jaemin blinks and keeps his mouth shut. In his head, he translates that statement: kicking you out would just make us look shittier than we already do.

The old man at the edge of the table shuffles through some papers, thin glasses sliding off his nose every few seconds. “I see you signed up as a human,” he says, “and that your presentation was unexpected. My formal apologies for what you’ve been through.”

“Thank you,” Jaemin bows lightly.

“While the company won’t be pursuing any action against you,” he continues, “Our investors are concerned about your family.”

Jaemin stays quiet as the man goes on to ramble about law jargon he can’t begin to hope to understand. He breathes through his nose, just like Joonhwa told him, and keeps his gaze close to eye level with the executives.

“Do you understand, Mr. Na?” the old man asks.

“I won’t lie, sir, I’m not sure I do,” Jaemin confesses. 

“What he means,” someone else breaks in, “Is that the company is seriously debating taking legal actions against your family. While it is true that you are an adult, you were not the only one affected by their lies.”

“Excuse me?” Jaemin chokes.

“By lying to you, they had you lie to us. Now, with your presentation, the company has lost much money. Not to mention, our reputation with the general public has gone down considerably.”

“But,” Jaemin darts his eyes from one executive to another, “Joonhwa hyung said that you wouldn’t sue them. That it was up to me to decide.”

“It was, back then. But circumstances have changed.”

Jaemin remains silent. A few of the executives shift in their seats, and he knows it’s his hormones going haywire, but there’s nothing he can do about it. 

“Please,” Jaemin tries, “Don’t do it. I’m not excusing what they did, but they’re my family. If anyone should confront them about it, it should be me.”

“Their lies have cost us millions,” the old man says.

Speechless, Jaemin shakes his head. “Please,” he whispers.

Minutes of silence. Jaemin hopes against hope that they will back down from their idea of a lawsuit, or that, at the very least, they’ll leave it up to him. Outside the room, a commotion arises, his band members’ voices clear through the door. 

“Rowdy bunch,” another executive says. 

Jaemin nods jerkily. He doesn’t know how to respond to that other than apologising, but that doesn’t feel right. Why should he apologise? Because his members came to support him and can’t keep to themselves or use their inside voices?

Finally, the man who appears to be the head executive nods. “Very well. We will leave your family situation to your discretion. If you would like the number to a good lawyer, Mr. Kwon can provide you with several.”

“Thank you,” Jaemin sighs. “Is there anything else that needs to be discussed?” 

“Yes,” a lawyer nods. “We have fired all managers with links to sasaengs, as well as dismissed the trainee and the clerk from the cafeteria. The trainee has been blacklisted from other companies, too.”

“Are you suing them?”

“Yes. For defamation and invasion of privacy.”

“Great. Can I leave now?”

The old man dismisses him, saying, “Please tell Lee Taeyong to step in.”

Jaemin dreads the idea of his band mates bombarding him with questions as soon as he leaves the meeting room. He was in there for less than half an hour, and yet he’s exhausted. He wants to go home, crawl under his covers, and take a long nap.

Outside, the members congregated in the waiting area. Other than Renjun and Yangyang perking up when they see him, no one hounds him, nor do they surround him. Jaemin appreciates that more than anything before.

“Hyung,” Jaemin clears his throat, looking at Taeyong. “They want to see you, now.”

“Are you okay?” Taeyong asks. Even after Jaemin nods, he continues to search his face, his worry loud and clear. “I’ll be out soon, and then we can talk, okay?”

“Sure,” Jaemin nods. 

Their leader disappears behind the door to the meeting room. Jaemin collapses on his vacant chair with a huff, running a hand through his hair and immediately regretting it when he remembers Kun gelled it up for him before leaving the dorm.

“Hey,” Johnny calls to him gently. “Are you hungry now? You didn’t have anything to eat this morning.”

Surprisingly enough, Jaemin does feel hungry. He nods, and within seconds, he has a children’s lunch box in his lap, a faint sharpie scrawl of Jisung’s name on the bottom. At his confused look, Kunhang grins and says, “We found it at the bottom of a closet in our dorm. It was either this or a plastic bag.”

“Why is my old lunchbox in your dorm room?” Jisung asks in bewilderment.

Almost two dozen pairs of eyes turn to glance at Ten. The man grins, throwing a peace sign, and says, “I stole it when we moved out of the Dream dorm.”

“I had nothing to do with that,” Kun clarifies.

Jaemin snorts and opens the lunchbox. Inside is a container with fried egg, noodles, and shrimp, and the sight alone makes his mouth water instantly. He eats with gusto for what might be the first time in days, feeding Chenle bits and pieces in spite of his protests. 

“I said,” Jaemin gripes, “Say ah.”

Chenle rolls his eyes and complies. “Ah.”

“You seem to be in a better mood,” Sicheng comments. 

“I guess it could’ve been worse,” Jaemin shrugs through a mouthful of noodles. “They’re going to sue the managers that leaked our information. I just wish they would do it in behalf of everyone and not just me.”

“Does it matter?” Yangyang asks. “What’s important is that they’re doing it.”

Jaemin frowns at him. “Yeah, but… it isn’t just me they’ve screwed over. The managers let sasaengs follow everyone around, one of them was a sasaengs herself… it isn’t fair to any of you.”

Kun, seeing that Yangyang is gearing up a response, cuts in before they can argue. “You’re both right,” he says. “I agree that the company should be looking out for all of us, but this is a good start.”

Yangyang harrumphs. Jaemin stops himself from laughing at his expression, swallowing the last of his breakfast.

Jaemin begins to worry about Taeyong after an hour passes and he hasn’t exited the meeting room. They’re growing restless, especially Johnny, who paces the waiting room for ten minutes until Taeil cajoles him into sitting on the ground with him. A few executives walk past, watching them with confusion, but no one stops to chat or ask why there are twenty man in a space built to hold five people, max.

“He’s been in there a while,” Yukhei mumbles. Yangyang’s more or less falling asleep on his shoulder, so the human doesn’t dare speak any louder. 

No one reassures him it’s all right, because they have no way of knowing that.

~~~

Only the 127 members and Jaemin remain in the waiting room when Taeyong finally exits. It’s nearing noon, so the executives leave right away – Jaemin thinks they would have trampled each other to the elevator if they hadn’t been there. An annoyed dance instructor eventually summoned WayV to the practice room, and Dream had to leave for a radio show that Joonhwa couldn’t reschedule. 

Taeyong’s face suggests someone crapped all over his breakfast. Johnny stands from his seat – something cracks when he moves – and rushes to him, but Taeyong evades his touch. Jaemin supposes there’s a first time for everything.

“How did it go?” Taeil asks. 

Taeyong shrugs, clearly upset. “I’m suspended, apparently.”

“Suspended?” Jaehyun echoes. “How can you be suspended?”

“Are we in school again, or something?” Doyoung adds.

“It means,” Taeyong sighs, “That I won’t be allowed to promote for a while. I can’t even use our social media to communicate with fans.”

“Shit,” Jungwoo whispers. “

Doyoung frowns and makes a pause motion with his hands. “Hold on, all that, because you were defending your band mate?”

“I asked the same thing. They threatened to take away my sponsorships.”

Jaemin gulps and half-hides behind Mark. “I’m so sorry, hyung, this is my fault.”

“No, it isn’t,” Taeyong replies firmly. “It was my decision to do what I did, and it’s my consequences to deal with.”

Uncomfortable with everyone’s eyes on him, Jaemin drops his gaze to Mark’s graphic tee – it has a doodle of a dragon on the bottom, one Jaemin is sure someone else drew it on with fabric marker. It has Lee Donghyuck written all over it.

“Hey, Jaem,” Yuta calls his name gently. “Wanna join us for rehearsals today?”

It sounds better than going back to the dorms and wallowing in his misery.

An hour later sees Jaemin learning the choreography from Taeil and Donghyuck. Half an hour in and Donghyuck’s already smiling, tongue in cheek, testing the limits of Jaemin’s seemingly endless patience. Jaemin doesn’t need Donghyuck proving a point with him.

Jaemin grunts after the third time Donghyuck invades his personal space. “You can stop doing that now.”

“Doing what?” Donghyuck smiles innocently. He steps back, regardless. 

“You know what,” Jaemin glares.

Donghyuck grins, grabbing Jaemin’s wrist and announcing to the room at large, “We’re gonna go get water!”

Jaemin allows Donghyuck to drag him to the third floor bathroom, where no one ever goes because of the alleged ghost – between this bathroom and the seventh floor recording studio, their building is fit for a BuzzFeed Unsolved special episode. 

“Why are we in the bathroom?” Jaemin asks. He doesn’t really care, he just thinks it’s the right thing to ask.

“When are you telling Mark you’re head over heels in love with him?”

Jaemin blinks. Then, he blinks again. He waits for Donghyuck to laugh, or say sike, but it never comes. Donghyuck only stares back, completely serious for once.

“I’m not in love with Mark,” Jaemin says.

Donghyuck snorts derisively. It’s completely uncalled for, if you ask Jaemin. “Sure you’re not, and Jeno and Renjun aren’t three seconds away from eloping to Las Vegas.”

Jaemin scowls. 

“Don’t – don’t look at me like that, asshole. You know I’m right.”

“I can’t tell Mark,” Jaemin admits. “We’re in so much shit right now, I can’t do that to him.”

“Why?” Donghyuck raises an eyebrow. “Because you might actually be happy for once and you can’t handle that?”

“You’re being a real ass, you know that?”

Donghyuck rubs a hand down his face, nodding. “Yes, I know, I know, I’m sorry.”

Jaemin waves him off. His nose itches due to the strong scent of chemicals in the bathroom and he has to resist the urge to cover his lower face with his shirt, only because he was sweating not ten minutes ago and that isn’t a pleasant smell, either.

“There’s a lot going on in our lives,” Jaemin says softly, “and I don’t think that confessing my feelings for our leader is the best course of action.”

“What do you feel, though?” Donghyuck asks. “You told me what you think, but not what you feel.”

Jaemin doesn’t have a correct answer. He knows what he’s feeling – he knows his heart races when Mark so much as walks into a room, he knows goosebumps appear on his skin whenever Mark brushes past him, he knows he blushes and blabbers like an idiot because of him. 

“I know Mark,” Donghyuck says. “Believe it or not, we’re best friends. I know when he’s an idiot in love, and he’s being one now.”

“I just don’t think it’s the right time –”

“It’s never the right time,” Donghyuck interrupts him. “Believe me, it’s never going to feel like the right time. Especially not with our lives, there’s always going to be something else going on. You shouldn’t let that ruin it for you.”

Jaemin avoids looking at him. He’s been more honest in the last five minutes – to himself and to other people – than he has been for the last five months. He doesn’t know what it is about Donghyuck that draws it out of him, but trusting Donghyuck is easier than trusting himself.

“I’m scared,” he confesses quietly. “I’m scared that my feelings aren’t real – I’m scared that I’m just feeling like this because he’s been so sweet to me during this whole thing.”

“Jaem,” Donghyuck doesn’t stop until Jaemin meets his eyes, “Jaem. I know you very well – you’ve been into Mark since before We Go Up. You’re just an idiot that never realised.”

“That’s – strangely sweet,” Jaemin frowns. “I’m not sure you meant it that way.”

“I didn’t.”

“Great.”

Donghyuck smiles. “So? Are you confessing to Mark?”

“I will. But only if you promise you’ll tell Jeno and Renjun how you feel about them.”

Donghyuck balks. 

“What? You think I didn’t notice?”

“I thought I was slick,” Donghyuck mumbles. “I didn’t think anyone would notice.”

“Maybe,” Jaemin concedes. “Maybe the others haven’t noticed, but I did.”

“Promise me,” Donghyuck says, “that you won’t say a word about it to anyone.”

“I won’t, but only if you do.”

Donghyuck looks down at their feet. Jaemin waits patiently for him to make a decision – even if said decision is to tell him to fuck off, or to punch him in the dick.

“Fine. I’ll do it if you do it.”

“Like, a pact?”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “Yes, a pact. Do we have a deal?”

“Deal.”

~~~

Jaemin waits for night-time to uphold his part of the deal. He waves goodbye to Jeno and Renjun when they come to his room and tell him they’re having dinner with Donghyuck, holding back a smile. Yangyang texts him and asks if he wants to hang out, but Jaemin declines – he doesn’t offer much of an explanation, other than, “I’m doing something Donghyuck threatened to cut my balls off for if I don’t do it.”

Mark lets himself in at 9pm, after rehearsals with SuperM. He’s still a little sweaty, although he changed his clothes at the company and sprayed half a bottle of deodorant on him – Jaemin begins to sneeze before he’s properly in through the door. 

“Hey,” Mark waves, smiley and beautiful. “Taemin hyung sent you this.” He leaves a bag of candy on top of Jaemin’s drawer. “He said you’re probably gonna want them in a few weeks, during your next heat.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Jaemin groans. 

Mark plops down on the bed next to him and asks, “So. What did you want to talk about?”

“What do you mean?”

“Nana,” Mark sighs, “You’re not as secretive as you think. I could tell from your message that there’s something you wanted to talk to me abou.”

Jaemin gulps. His throat is parched, he realises, and he curses himself for not bringing an entire jar of water with him. He doesn’t bring it up now, though. 

“Yeah, uh,” Jaemin stutters. “I suppose there is something I need to tell you.”

Mark waits with all the patience of a saint while Jaemin tries to organise his thoughts. Jaemin supposes he should have come up with a speech – isn’t that what they do in movies? – but he knows it would have been cheesy. He knows Mark would have been flustered, regardless of his answer.

Jaemin doesn’t think he needs a speech. Or a grand gesture. He just needs to grow some balls and out with it. 

“I’m in love with you,” he blurts out. Mark gapes, silent, and Jaemin can’t stop the words from spilling out of his mouth. “I’ve liked you since two years ago, but I never realised – I never thought it had come to this. Until now. Now I know what it is, and I know what I feel.”

Jaemin clamps his mouth shut. Mark isn’t talking, or blinking – Jaemin doesn’t think he’s breathing. His chest aches with the unspoken rejection.

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin whispers. “I shouldn’t have said anything, please don’t hate me –”

Mark stops his blabbering with his lips. Jaemin squeals, taken aback, but quickly adjusts to the kiss. Mark cups his jaw, his touch so tender it burns Jaemin from the inside out. Mark tastes like mint and coffee, and his lips are a little chapped, but it’s still the best kiss Jaemin’s ever had.

“I probably should’ve asked before kissing you,” Mark says softly when they pull apart. Jaemin doesn’t reply, mostly because he has officially stopped functioning. “But I really couldn’t bear listening to you reject yourself without waiting for me to say anything.”

“Sorry,” Jaemin murmurs.

Mark grins sweetly, rubbing the apple of Jaemin’s cheek with his thumb. Jaemin does everything he can not to melt into the touch, and most surely fails. 

“I love you, too,” Mark says. Jaemin hasn’t heard sweeter words since they announced his debut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> three more chapters to go!! im really excited hehe
> 
> if there's anything in particular you would like to see in the final chapters - it can be a character, a dynamic, or a plot point - let me know in the comments! The obvious things are already planned out but if there's something y'all would like, I'm here to serve!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small part of Jaemin – the rational part, maybe – know that this isn’t healthy. It knows that Donghyuck is growing too attached to Mark, and that he needs to find a better way to cope with everything. It knows that Donghyuck needs to talk about this with someone that can help him, help him in ways they can’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVEN'T UPDATED SINCE SEPTEMBER this is so embarrassing look away
> 
> anyway *drops this bomb on your laps and runs away laughing maniacally*

Jaemin didn’t ever imagine he would be having this conversation. Or rather, he didn’t think he would be _witness_ to this conversation.

"Yangyang," Renjun sighs, rubbing a hand over his face, "You're not thinking clearly."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not." Renjun scowls at Yangyang, who scowls right back at him. Jaemin sinks lower in his seat, thinking it might make him disappear from the room.

Taeyeon murmurs something about breaking up their argument, but Joohyun shakes her head lightly. Everyone else avoids eye contact with either of the boys, including Sicheng.

"It's the best choice I have," Yangyang repeats, flushed red from anger and annoyance.

"Surgery isn't the solution to your problems," Renjun retorts, as if he didn't hear him. "Gosh, do you even know what you're talking about?"

"Yes! In fact, I do know what I'm talking about, believe it or not."

"You can't just get surgery to cut off your heats," Renjun insists. "Do you know what that could do to your body?"

"Yes! I know!" Yangyang exclaims, nearly shouting. Jaemin grimaces and stares at the ground. "Fuck you, Renjun, I'm not a fucking child! I know what I'm doing."

"It doesn't seem like it—"

"Just because you're okay with your body's fucked up biology, it doesn't mean I have to put up with mine," Yangyang hisses. The room goes cold. "I don't want to be in pain all the time, I don't want to deal with the cramped muscles and the nausea all the fucking time, and I can do something about it."

"Fuck you," Renjun spits. His voice is low, simmering, and Jaemin doesn't need to look at his face to know he's pissed off beyond hope. "Fuck you, Liu."

Yangyang doesn't answer. Maybe he realizes he went too far with his comment about Renjun's own biological issues, or maybe he's too tired to keep arguing with him. Whatever it is, he remains quiet, and Renjun huffs, crossing his arms as he looks elsewhere.

No one dares to speak for a while. Jaemin meets eyes with Hyunjin across the room, and the boy shares an equally terrified expression with him before Seulgi delicately clears her throat.

"I think," she tries, "that it's best if we… cut this meeting short, yeah? So you two can cool down."

"I don't need to cool down," Renjun snaps.

Seulgi presses her lips together. "Yes, you do. Both of you."

"We can meet again tomorrow, right?" Joohyun asks the others. There's a general murmur of consent, none daring to speak any louder in fear it will set off another fight.

Everyone rushes out of the room, not even bothering to act like they're not eager to get away from the ticking time bombs that are Yangyang and Renjun. Sicheng throws an arm over Yangyang's shoulder, protective, and promises Jaemin he'll text him later before leading his maknae out the door.

Renjun stares at their retreating backs with surprise, and a little betrayal. "He's taking his side?"

Jaemin sighs, but keeps his mouth shut. He doesn't wish to get involved in this, especially when he thinks they're both wrong.

"Come on," he says instead. "Jeno said he'd pick us up."

True to his words, Jeno's waiting for them in the car, parked across the street. The radio plays softly in the background, a song Jaemin doesn't recognize. Jeno's welcoming grin fades the second he notices their grim expressions.

"What happened?" he asks in alarm.

Jaemin opens his mouth to explain the situation, but Renjun beats him to it.

"Yangyang is an idiot," he hisses.

Jeno raises both eyebrows. He shifts gears, pulling into traffic before he asks for Renjun to elaborate.

"He's just," Renjun stutters, "He's getting surgery, Jeno! He's gonna have some stranger cut off his heats for who knows how long?"

"Aren't his heats, like, awful, though?" Jeno asks. "Xuxi told me he can't even move sometimes, and he always looks pale and sick during his cycles. And his scent is all off, too."

"Yeah, but that's not —" Renjun groans. "These procedures are awful, Jeno. The recovery process is slow, and it could seriously fuck him up. I just don't think he's making the right call."

"Did you tell him that?" Jeno prods. "Or did you just yell at him?"

When Renjun doesn't say anything, Jeno's eyes travel to Jaemin in the rearview mirror.

"He just yelled," Jaemin says. "So did Yangyang. We had to call the meeting off because no one dared to speak after them."

"He's no saint," Renjun grumbles, burrowing into himself in the passenger's seat. "He said…"

He falters, sealing his lips. Jeno glances at him momentarily, though he has to keep his eyes on the road.

"What did he say?" Jeno asks.

Again, Renjun doesn't say anything. And this time, Jaemin isn't sure he wants to fill in the blanks for Jeno. Thankfully, Jeno doesn't press the subject. No, instead he brings up an even sourer subject for everyone to enjoy.

"Hyuck asked if we could meet him," Jeno tells Renjun, who pales further. "Jun, he sounded really upset."

"No."

"But—"

"I said no, Jeno."

Jeno clenches his jaw. Jaemin notices his grip on the wheel tightens, too, as if it's taking him everything he has not to snap at Renjun.

For the second time tonight, Jaemin wishes the ground would swallow him. He spends the rest of the ride back to their dorm staring out the window, resolutely pretending he can’t feel the tension building inside the car. Jeno’s angry, and there’s nothing he can do about his scent in such cramped space, so his scent is all up Jaemin’s nostrils.

Renjun is a mess, too, though his scent reeks more of despair than anger at this point. Jaemin resists the urge to cover his nose with his sleeve, not wanting either of them to feel self-conscious about something they can’t control. His eyes water with the intensity, though.

Jaemin makes a beeline for his room as soon as they reach the dorms. Jisung's on the couch, seemingly talking to Chenle on the phone, but he takes one look at Renjun's stormy expression and he scampers after Jaemin.

"What happened?" Jisung asks.

"The apocalypse exploded in my face," Jaemin grumbles. "Yangyang said he wants to get surgery for his heats and Renjun wasn't supportive, things were said, now they're not talking to each other."

"He isn't talking to Donghyuck hyung, either," Jisung says. "What's that about, anyway?"

Jaemin falls face down on his bed. Jisung follows, curling up around the life-sized dog stuffie Jaemin received from Kun for his last birthday.

"I'm not sure it's my place to tell," Jaemin says, mumbling. "Although I'm sure it is my fault."

"Why?"

_Well, you see, I convinced Donghyuck to confess to Renjun and Jeno, because I was sure they felt the same way. I just didn't expect Jeno to freak out, or Renjun to reject him, or Donghyuck to panic and run away before they can even try to talk about it._

"It doesn't matter," is what Jaemin says.

Jisung peers around the mountains of pillows and blankets separating them. Jaemin meets eyes with him, noticing his pinched brows, and it's then that Jaemin realises something.

Jisung has been caught in the middle of countless arguments in which he has no role. Chenle got off a little easier, given he doesn't live with them 24/7, but even Jaemin, in his constant state of self-centred asshole, has seen how Chenle stopped visiting the dorm as often. Jisung doesn't have a parent's house to run to.

Just this morning, Renjun and Donghyuck were avoiding each other like the plague during rehearsal, going as far as to refuse to do their usual in-choreo shenanigans. They wouldn't touch each other for the lives of them. And Jisung, the boy to avoid conflict the most, was stuck in the middle.

Jaemin remembers how uncomfortable the two youngest members were during practice. Hell, even the choreographer looked ready to call it a day and run before their tension caused a rupture in space.

"Jisung," Jaemin says, apologetic as he's ever felt, "I'm sorry you're caught in the middle of things. And I'm sorry if you feel like we don't tell you anything, it's just…"

"You have your problems," Jisung interrupts him. "I get it, hyung, I do. I don't mind that you don't tell me everything that goes on in your lives, but– I don't know, I guess I just wish you wouldn't keep everything to yourself. Again."

Jaemin giggles. Jisung's purposefully teasing him, using that exasperated tone that Jaemin knows he doesn't mean.

"I know I said I wouldn't," Jaemin says. "Keep it all to myself, I mean. And I still did."

Jisung shrugs. "You can tell me now, if you want. You look like you need to talk."

Jaemin does need to talk. There is so much crap in his life right now, he feels as if his head will explode. And Jisung has always been a good listener, ever since they were trainees.

"Okay," Jaemin sighs, rolling over onto his back. "What do you wanna hear?"

"What's bugging you the most?"

"Uh, maybe the Renjun, Jeno, Hyuck thing. I feel like it's my fault."

"Why would it be your fault?"

"Because," Jaemin stresses, "I knew Hyuck liked them. I told him to confess. If I hadn't, they wouldn't be in the middle of this weird standoff."

"Oh," Jisung says quietly. "That's what happened?"

"Yeah," Jaemin sighs. "I don't know how the whole thing went down, no one will tell me. Donghyuck isn't talking to me, Renjun refuses to budge, and Jeno avoids the topic. And there's the whole Taeyong thing."

Jisung hums, playing with the frayed edge of a blanket. "He's been climbing the walls during his suspension. I ran into Yuta hyung the other day at the company, and he said that Taeyong hyung is close to losing his mind."

"That's my fault, too," Jaemin says. "He wouldn't be in this mess if I hadn't–"

"If you hadn't presented?" Jisung cuts him off once more. "How is that in your control?"

Jaemin clamps his mouth shut. While he knows that Jisung has a point, he still feels as if he’s made things harder for everyone around him; if Jaemin hadn’t presented, none of this would be happening.

“I don’t know,” Jaemin mumbles, turning his face away. “I just feel like every day is endless and it just keeps getting worse.”

Jisung shifts closer, until he can rest his chin on Jaemin’s sternum. He reminds Jaemin of one of Jeno’s cats, on the few and rare occasions he’s met them. Jisung peers up at him, brown eyes seemingly wide at the close distance, and Jaemin grins.

“Look at you,” Jaemin coos teasingly. “You’re being affectionate.”

“Shut up,” Jisung grumbles. “You’re upset. I read on a blog the other day that omegas like physical affection when they’re upset.”

That’s strangely sweet, in a very Jisung kind of way: straight-forward, just off of embarrassed, and endlessly endearing. Jaemin’s smile stretches until it threatens to split his face in half, much to Jisung’s annoyance.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Jisung says. “Just. Enjoy this while it lasts, because I’m leaving in ten minutes.”

Jaemin doesn’t need to hear that twice. He wraps arms and legs around Jisung’s body, laughing at the boy’s flailing limbs as he tries to escape his embrace. Through Jisung’s protests, Jaemin giggles gleefully and says, “You said to enjoy this, so I am!”

“I didn’t mean suffocate me!” Jisung exclaims, face mushed in Jaemin’s neck.

~~~

Time passes. June rolls around, and with it comes a decision from management that, perhaps, Jaemin should’ve seen coming.

“NCT 2020?” Taeyong asks, taking the offered papers from his manager’s hands. There is a meeting scheduled for them in a week with the people in charge, but for now they’re reunited in one of the larger practice rooms, where their managers debrief them. “About time. The fans were going crazy.”

“Management didn’t want to rush it,” the manager replies, though it sounds like an automatic response. “But it’s a go now. Given your hectic schedules, this won’t be like the 2018 project.”

“What do you mean?” Kun asks, frowning. He’s reading the papers over Taeyong’s shoulder, much as Mark is doing.

“Other than a photo-shoot and some content, you won’t all be promoting at the same time,” Joonhwa replies. “We’re splitting you into four units, for four promotional tracks. Two units will promote in October and the rest will be in November. The rest of the content will be at random, since your fans like the idea of pulling names out of a hat so much.”

Jaemin wants to say how he doesn’t think the fans mean it when they joke about that, but he zips his mouth shut. Mark returns to his side once he’s satisfied with what he read on the planner, pressing their arms together once he’s settled on the floor with him.

“Do we already know who’s with whom?” Taeyong asks.

Joonhwa shakes his head. “No, we’re still working that out. We know October will be a dance track and a ballad, but they’re still figuring out what they will do for November.”

“How are they going to pick the members?” It’s Doyoung who asks this time. Jaehyun’s draped over him, most likely close to his rut, and the older member doesn’t seem to care much for the oversized puppy clinging to his back.

“They’re still working on that,” another manager replies. “You’re also getting two new members.”

The practice room goes completely silent. Jaemin nearly chokes on his spit, while Mark’s back goes rigid to his side. No one moves for a moment, none daring to say a word.

Johnny’s the first to speak up, his voice nearly strangled as he asks, “Two?”

The WayV manager nods, reaching for the door to the practice room. He waves at someone to come in, and two boys enter the room.

One of them is tall, tall enough that Jaemin vaguely wonders if Jisung has been surpassed in height – or Johnny and Lucas, for that matter. Still, the signature slouch that characterizes the members is there, the newcomer’s shoulders hunched up as he bows in greeting.

The other boy is shorter than him, though he’s still of a sizable height. His face is much softer, eyes pulled down at the corners that remind Jaemin of a puppy, and his smile is just off of terrified.

“Everyone,” Joonhwa says, “Meet Jung Sungchan and Osaki Shotaro. They’re your new members.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, Jaemin notices Yuta perk up at the familiarity of Shotaro’s name. While Jaemin heard about a Japanese trainee recently joining the company, he never thought in a million years that they would join NCT.

On the other side of the room, carefully away from Renjun, Yangyang smiles in excitement. His grin is directed at Sungchan, who appears less and less likely to pass out under the attention. He’s been at the company for a few years, and Jaemin has a vague recollection of passing him on the hallways, but that’s it.

Introductions pass swiftly. Taeyong takes the lead, as natural as breathing air, and the managers leave them alone for a while for them to get acquainted with each other before they come back with more information. The group splits into two, as to not overwhelm their new group-mates, but Jaemin suspects it doesn’t do much — they’re still a lot of boys, a lot of unfamiliar faces.

An unfamiliar language, in Shotaro’s case. Yuta is the first to approach him, Japanese flowing out of his mouth in excited rivulets as he presumably introduces himself to the boy, and then helps run greetings with the members that surround the boy.

Jaemin knows how much Yuta longed for another Japanese member. They might not spend as much time together now as they did when they were trainees, but Yuta is still one of his closest friends – the boy was there for Jaemin through a lot, and he’s always been someone Jaemin can turn to when he’s upset. Yuta knows how to cheer him up, how to get him out of his head.

On the other side of the room, Sungchan does, indeed, tower over half of the members. Jisung’s standing shoulder to shoulder with him per Donghyuck’s insistence, his face flushed red all the way to the tip of his ears, and Jungwoo dramatically swoons when they confirm that Sungchan is not, in fact, taller than Jisung.

“Aren’t you going over there?” Chenle asks, coming up behind Jaemin.

Jaemin has migrated to the mirrors in an attempt to escape the ruckus. Mark did join the fray, though, urged on by Donghyuck’s steel-like grip on his arm, but Jaemin doesn’t particularly mind.

“I don’t want to overwhelm them. Even more,” he adds. “We can be a lot. You?”

Chenle shrugs, crossing his arms over his chest. There is a troubled expression on his face that Jaemin isn’t used to seeing on him, and it makes him frown in turn, diverting his attention to the younger boy entirely.

“What is it?” he asks.

“Nothing, nothing, I just… it feels weird. To have new members, I mean.”

“Why?”

Honestly, Jaemin thinks it was a long time coming. Their group’s concept was instilled in them for the very beginning, ever since the first meeting, the first press conference. They’ve always known there will be new members, new units, new line-ups.

It was more of a matter of when they would add them, rather than if they would.

“I don’t know,” Chenle sighs and drops his arms to his sides. “I thought we would have more time to prepare, or get to know them, you know?”

Jaemin knows. It was different, the last two years. Most of the hyungs knew Jungwoo since their trainee days, Kun’s been a constant in their lives since 2015, and Yukhei was close enough to Mark that it didn’t matter if he was a stranger to most of them. Jaemin lived with Yangyang in the Rookies dorm after his hiatus, and Dejun and Kunhang weren’t strangers to the Chinese members.

And while it seems like Sungchan and Yangyang are friendly, Shotaro looks like a deer caught in headlights. He’s visibly overwhelmed with the new acquaintances, nearly hiding behind Yuta as he stutters through an introduction in faltering Korean.

Jaemin can’t imagine being in his shoes. He had the luck of growing up with most of the people in this room, and he’s familiar with them – even if they aren’t close as he is with the Dream members.

“You know,” Jaemin starts, glancing at Chenle, “You were like that when you joined us. Remember?”

Chenle’s cheeks flush pink. Jaemin remembers the day they were introduced, how utterly small Chenle appeared as he stood in front of them, Renjun at his side. Even if Renjun was fluent in Korean and had been a trainee in SM for so long, he was still nervous to stand in front of them, and according to Mark, he clogged up the room with his scent from the nerves.

Chenle, for perhaps the only time in their careers, didn’t dare to utter more than three sentences at a time, his words tentative and soft. He’s come a long way from the fifteen year old thrown into the world of Korean entertainment.

“You’re right,” Chenle nods, unclenching his jaw. “I should– I should go say hi or something.”

“I would wait for a second,” Jaemin advises him. “They look like they’re gonna shit their pants.”

Chenle giggles, most likely at his crass words than anything else. He sobers up quickly, though, and his expression turns serious once again as he nods at the two separate groups, saying, “What’s up with that?”

Jaemin doesn’t need to ask him to elaborate. Chenle’s watching the Dream members with worry, and Jaemin can’t blame him: Renjun’s on one side of the room, hanging off of Kun with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes as he talks to Shotaro; Donghyuck clings to Mark in a way he hasn’t done in years, not since he grew into himself; Yangyang won’t go near Renjun even if you paid him; and Jeno are Jisung are across the room, silent.

“I don’t know how to say this, but you’re so lucky you’re not living in the dorms right now.”

Chenle makes a sound of confusion. Jaemin can’t blame him, but he also means what he said – the Dream dorm feels like a battlefield, even when Donghyuck isn’t around. And he’s never around, not anymore.

“Elaborate?” Chenle raises an eyebrow.

Jaemin sighs and nods toward the hallway. They bypass Jeno and Jisung on their way out, and the youngest throws them a pleading look – Jaemin nods subtly and Jisung scurries after them. They walk toward a more deserted area of the floor, a waiting room with just enough seats for them to congregate easily.

There isn’t anyone else around. Jaemin explains to Chenle everything he’s missed as carefully as he can, though he keeps certain details to himself. By the end of his tale, Chenle’s mouth is pursed in reproach, as if he were three seconds away from hunting down the other members and giving them a good talking to.

“Fucking idiots,” he murmurs. “I can’t believe this, you see what happens when the smart one leaves the room?”

Jisung snorts. Jaemin frowns, muttering something about how Chenle mustn’t be referring to himself as the smart on in Dream, but Chenle doesn’t pay him attention.

“I do agree with one thing, though,” Jaemin says after Chenle is done with his rant. “They’re idiots. A lot of this could be solved if they would talk to each other, but they won’t.”

“No wonder Donghyuck has been glued to Mark hyung all these days,” Chenle huffs. “Or why Jeno’s been so moody lately.”

“I just hope they solve things soon,” Jisung says, frowning. “They’re not doing well, not talking to each other like this. It feels weird.”

Jaemin sighs. Ever since they started fighting, Jaemin has felt as if something is missing – he doesn’t know how he’s held up all this time with his best friends scattered apart like this, and he doesn’t think he’ll last much longer, either.

“There you are!” Joonhwa exclaims, turning the corner. Jaemin thinks he looks a little funny in sweatpants and an old hoodie, so unlike his usual work attire, but he looks much younger, too. More approachable, even if he’s always been like that. “Come on, we have a schedule.”

The rest of the meeting goes by in a breeze. The managers take turns explaining what the following months will look like for them, going over recording sessions and the tentative dates for the photo-shoots, as well as explaining the line-ups for the songs.

Jaemin is a little surprised to hear he will be in the first NCT U unit for promotions, but he can’t deny the butterflies that swarm his stomach in his excitement. He meets eyes with Dejun across the room and smiles, offering him a thumbs up – Dejun’s surprised yet delighted expression is enough for him.

That happiness soon dampens when he hears Donghyuck and Renjun will be on a song together, though. Chenle curses under his breath from where he’s sitting next to Jaemin, and Jaemin can practically feel the temperature in the room drop. At this point, it isn’t a secret to anyone that they’re in bad terms.

Jaemin sighs inwardly. This is all going to hell, isn’t it?

~~~

The members return from recording far too early for it to be normal.

Given how everyone still has promotions with their own units to tend to, the company decided to grant them individual recording sessions for their lines whenever there was time in their schedule, and most of Dream were called on the second week of July.

Things haven’t gotten any better in the meantime. The only reason Jaemin didn’t join them for recording today is the fact that his heat is approaching, rendering him completely useless for anything other than lie in bed and pretend like everything isn’t overwhelming.

Jaemin sits up on the couch when he hears the door open, bored from daylight television and on the verge of a nap. Jisung comes through the doorway first, pale as a sheet as he makes a beeline for his room; Chenle isn’t with them, and that’s enough of a red flag for him. Chenle usually comes to the dorms after rehearsals to hang out until it’s night time.

Behind Jisung comes Jeno, his usually calm expression exchanged for one of stormy anger. Renjun and Donghyuck enter next, and they won’t even look at each other. Mark’s last, his eyes widened in something Jaemin can’t place, and he squirrels to the couch to sit with Jaemin.

Before anyone else can escape to the safety of their room, Joonhwa slams the front door shut and says, in a voice that’s barely below a shout, “Halt! Get in line, all of you.”

Jaemin isn’t sure if that means him, too, but he doesn’t think it does, so he stays put. Mark only stands after a second of consideration, though by the looks of it, he isn’t involved in whatever mess took place at the studio.

Joonhwa approaches them, his face contorted into a mask of held-back fury. Jaemin wants to know what happened less and less by the second. Hands on his hips, Joonhwa paces in front of the four boys for a full minute. If he were a caricature, there would be exclamation marks and swirly messes around his head.

“You,” he points at Jeno, and Jaemin doesn’t fail to notice how his hand shakes, “Go to your room and wait for me in fear.”

“What did I do?” Jeno exclaims, for once snapping back at an adult – at _Joonhwa_ , of all people. Jaemin doesn’t like his voice or the way the whole room is starting to smell like angered alpha.

“Don’t take that tone with me!” Joonhwa snaps back. “Go to your room or I swear, Jeno–!”

Jeno stands there for a moment, most likely debating his chances at winning this argument. He must realize those chances are null, because the next moment he’s spinning on his heels and headed down the hall, his door slamming behind him.

He doesn’t look at Donghyuck or Renjun as he goes, and Jaemin doesn’t fail to notice that. Still, Jaemin is relieved he’s gone, and that he’s taken all his hormones with him.

Joonhwa redirects his attention to the three remaining boys in front of him. He looks at Mark and says, “You, make sure Jisung’s okay, and then call Chenle.”

“Yes, sir,” Mark mumbles, leaving the room. Jaemin holds back the urge to follow him, or to ask him to stay. It’s a childish desire, anyway, and he needs to get rid of his instinct to run to Mark every time he’s upset.

Jaemin’s a big boy. He’s been a big boy for a long time before he presented, and he doesn’t want that to change.

With the alphas gone, Jaemin registers another scent he didn’t pick up before: Renjun.

His fellow omega reeks of anger, desperation, and regret. And without the added distraction, Jaemin finally takes note of their body language, how they can’t even exist in the same space. Donghyuck looks dangerously close to crying.

“I have,” Joonhwa begins, voice tight, “No words. Did you forget you are adults at work? I know your relationship is… strained. And I’m sorry you’re arguing. But that doesn’t excuse what you did today.”

“He started it,” Donghyuck mumbles, petty as ever.

“I don’t care who started it,” Joonhwa cuts in before Renjun can retaliate. “I care about ending it. Go to your rooms, get some space. Tomorrow, I’m sending you two and Jeno to counseling with the company’s therapist.”

“We don’t need therapy!” Renjun exclaims.

“I don’t want therapy.”

“I’m sorry, did that sound like a request?” Joonhwa raises an eyebrow.

Neither answers. A second later, Donghyuck’s disappearing down the hall and into a spare room, and it’s only after he’s gone that Renjun follows Joonhwa’s orders. Joonhwa seems to register Jaemin’s presence in that moment, because his eyes widen a fraction as he stumbles back, murmuring a greeting.

“Do I want to know?” Jaemin asks. He hates how small his voice sounds, as if he were a little kid.

Joonhwa shakes his head, rubbing his face. “They’ll tell you when they want. Or you’ll hear about it from the others. Or from literally anyone that was at the building when it happened.”

“Yikes,” Jaemin winces.

“Yeah, yikes,” Joonhwa chuckles humorlessly. He eyes Jaemin in consideration, concern washing over his face. “How are you feeling? Any pain?”

“I’m fine,” Jaemin shrugs. “A little dizzy, but I think that’s from Jeno’s scent. I’ll be fine in a bit, don’t worry.”

Joonhwa will still worry, because that’s his job, but he doesn’t push it. He promises to get him some painkillers later before he heads for Jeno’s room, and then Jaemin’s all alone in the living room.

When he can’t take the silence any longer, Jaemin seeks out the only members he’s sure won’t bite his head off. Mark is still with Jisung, the younger boy sat with his back to the wall and his phone in hand, completely ignoring everyone around him.

Mark sighs when he sees Jaemin, gently guiding him out of the room and to his own bedroom. Mark closes the door behind himself and then leans against the sturdy construction, as if his legs can’t hold him anymore.

“Hyung,” Jaemin whispers, scared that someone else will overhear. “What the hell happened?”

“I’m not sure,” Mark admits, approaching him. Jaemin’s bed is large enough to fit the two of them with their backs against the headboard, their shoulders pressed together. Jaemin doesn’t fail to notice how Mark’s shaking. “Jeno and I heard the yelling from the other side of the floor while we were recording.”

Jaemin doesn’t dare breath through the entire story. As far as Mark’s understanding goes, Jisung went to visit Chenle while they were recording From Home, since only the Dream members were present at the time. Donghyuck seemingly made a joke, one of his dumb jokes at their expenses, and Renjun snapped at him not to mock Jisung.

“I guess the fight spiraled from there,” Mark says. “Chenle told us that Hyuck wasn’t even mocking Jisung, that he just made a comment on his hair or whatever. But Renjun scolded him, and you know how Hyuck gets. He’s like a dog with a bone.”

Jaemin does know. He can see how the fight must have started, how it must have escalated.

“Anyway, apparently the producers tried to get in the way, but they were too fired up. They both said crap that they’re going to regret as soon as they cool off, if they don’t already.”

“Why is Jisung so upset, then?” Jaemin asks. “If Hyuck didn’t insult him.”

“He probably doesn’t like that they used him as a pawn in their stupid fight,” Mark says, his voice tight. “Then Jeno got in the way, tried to separate them, but they just dragged him into it, and then he was yelling too – they were all up on each other’s faces, Jaem, it was awful. I’ve never seen any of them like that.”

Jaemin doesn’t see how Jeno getting into the fight could have possibly helped. He doesn’t know what that idiot was thinking.

“Johnny pulled Hyuck away, in the end. Like, physically hauled him out of the recording room, even as Hyuck kept yelling at Renjun. Taeyong was pissed, but Joonhwa looked ready to murder them.”

“Fuck,” Jaemin whispers, gently banging his head against the wall. “This is getting way out of hand.”

Down the hall, they hear Joonhwa raise his voice. He must still be with Jeno, and by the sounds of it, it isn’t going well. Jaemin closes his eyes and pretends he isn’t hearing any of this, that none of this is happening.

“I shouldn’t have told Hyuck to confess,” he whispers. Mark makes a sound of confusion, though he doesn’t interrupt Jaemin. “If he hadn’t, this wouldn’t be happening.”

It feels strangely like déjà vu to say that, Jaemin thinks.

“It wouldn’t have changed anything,” Mark tells him. “Hyuck’s been pining for a while, it was bound to come up. And no one could have foreseen this.”

“How long?” Jaemin asks. “How long did you know?”

“I don’t know, Christmas? He’s not very good at handling his alcohol and even worse at keepings secrets. He didn’t remember telling me any of it the next morning, but I asked and he told me everything.”

Jaemin hums. Mark continues speaking, though, as if he’s relieved to be letting all of this off his chest. “He’s been really sad. The guys on the fifth floor told me that he mopes around the dorm, and Johnny said he heard him crying in his sleep a few times. He’s been spending more time at our floor, too, for all that he mocks how clean we are.”

“He probably just wants to be with you.”

“I’m worried,” Mark confesses. “We already spend so much time together, and he hasn’t been this… this needy in so long. It’s like we’re in middle school again.”

Jaemin closes his eyes and holds back the urge to cry. “Jeno looks as if someone sold his cats. He’s not always mad, but he doesn’t smile anymore. He locks himself in his room for hours and only comes out when he has to. And Renjun… he’s more quiet than ever, even when he first joined us.”

“I heard hyung say he’s sending them to therapy,” Mark says. “I think that’s our best hope right now.”

“Yeah,” Jaemin sighs. “This sucks.”

Mark chuckles, and even Jaemin manages a smile. That pretty much sums up their situation.

“Hey,” Mark nudges him with his elbow softly. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. I don’t think my heat will happen anytime soon, though. Just a false alarm.”

“If you need anything, you’re free to escape to the tenth floor. We have new glasses and Jungwoo even bought coffee mugs.”

Jaemin can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of Mark’s statement, and Mark laughs along with him. It feels good to be able to let go, even if just for a second, and Jaemin slides his hand into Mark’s, locking their fingers together.

They haven’t discussed anything yet. They confessed, they kissed, but that was it. Neither of them has brought up the conversation of what are they yet, and Jaemin is frankly okay with it; he doesn’t need a label to know he loves Mark, and that Mark loves him back.

Someone knocks on his door, followed Donghyuck poking his head into the room. Jaemin’s heart aches at the sight: Donghyuck’s eyes are red-rimmed, his face puffy, and there are fresh tears on his cheeks.

None speaks. Jaemin shuffles to the side, making room for Donghyuck between them. Donghyuck doesn’t waste a second to climb into bed, curling up with his head on Mark’s thigh. Mark’s hand falls to his hair, playing with an odd strand while Donghyuck heaves out a sob and Jaemin scoots down so he can wrap his arms around his trembling body.

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin whispers, the words lost in Donghyuck’s nape. “I’m so sorry, Hyuck.”

A small part of Jaemin – the rational part, maybe – know that this isn’t healthy. It knows that Donghyuck is growing too attached to Mark, and that he needs to find a better way to cope with everything. It knows that Donghyuck needs to talk about this with someone that can help him, help him in ways they can’t.

But he shuts that part up, for two reasons. The first, is that it would be very hypocritical of him to tell Donghyuck off for doing the same thing he’s been doing since he presented, seven months ago. Besides, Mark’s his best friend, of course he would turn to him in search of comfort when times are hard.

The second reason is that he can’t bear to tell him anything. Donghyuck’s crying in his arms, with Mark trying his damn hardest to soothe him and failing, and Jaemin can’t fathom telling him to leave. To find someone else. To do something else.

Or maybe it’s the guilt. Jaemin knows the guilt plays a huge part in his indulgence, in the way he holds Donghyuck as if that will make the pain go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> joonhwa i know i created you but you're so hot pls marry me


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't ask if Jaemin wants to talk about it. He only drives him back to the dorm building and accompanies him upstairs with the excuse that he has to talk to Jisung about a schedule, although they know Jisung doesn't have anything in the near future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXPLICIT MENTIONS AND DISCUSSION OF SEX IN SCENE TWO ❗❗

Jaemin shows up to rehearsal for Make A Wish with the knowledge that his next heat is in his near future. Taeyong's head snaps in his direction immediately, pupils dilating on instinct before he wrestles his alpha side under control. Jaehyun visibly stops breathing, too, and Jaemin would find it funny if he didn't feel miserable.

As it is, he feels itchy and uncomfortable. 

"Shut up," he grumbles.

"We didn't say anything," Doyoung frowns. 

"I meant them," Jaemin says, pointing at the two alphas. His eyes travel to where Yukhei and Shotaro are huddled in a corner, where Yukhei seems to be running the Korean lyrics to the song with Shotaro. Jaemin accidentally makes eye contact with their newest member and his eyebrows climb high up his forehead. "And Shotaro, apparently. You're an alpha?"

Shotaro appears suprised that Jaemin is adressing him, but his good manners kick in quickly and he nods. "Yes, the company- the company knows."

"No, yeah, that's cool," Jaemin says, plastering on a smile that feels as strangled as he does. "I just didn't know."

"Are you okay to practice?" Taeyong asks him, not a hint of his earlier reaction in his voice. "How far from your heat are you?"

Doyoung's eyes swivel from Taeyong to Jaemin, mouth agape. Yukhei's back to explaining the lyrics to Shotaro, though he sneaks glances at him from time to time. Jaemin notes Dejun isn't in the room yet, and he vaguely wonders where he went.

"I'm fine," Jaemin replies, discarding his bag on the ground next to Doyoung's backpack. "I have a day or two before it happens, don't worry about it."

Of course, Taeyong will worry about it. That's his trademark, after all. 

Their choreographer joins them five minutes later, Dejun in tow. The beta spares a glance at Jaemin before he gets into position, his hoodie rumpled and his hair all over the place. He looks as if he woke up minutes ago and rushed here from the dorms.

"Everyone, in your places," the choreographer says, standing at the front of the practice room. She fiddles with the iPod on the speakerphone, searching for the song. "I trust you got down the basics I taught you last time? We'll polish those today and then we'll work on your centre parts."

Practice goes by as it usually does, except Taeyong calls for more breaks than normal, and he pushes water bottle after water bottle into Jaemin's hands. He seems adamant to keep him hydrated, monitoring his scent with a nose pressed to Jaemin's wrist every hour and going as far as to check his pulse to ensure he isn't too worked up. 

"I'm fine," Jaemin stresses each time, though Taeyong doesn't pay much attention. He's far more interested in Jaemin's body's reactions and responses, sending him to sit for half an hour because his heart rate was a little too fast for his taste. "I'm supposed to be practicing!"

"It's Shotaro's turn to practice his dance break and centre parts," Taeyong counters, pushing him to the corner by the shoulders. "Sit down, drink the rest of this bottle, and stop whining."

Jaemin scowls at him. It isn't heated, and Taeyong has the audacity to smile and ruffle his hair, as if Jaemin were particularly endearing to him.

Yukhei joins him after a few minutes. He reeks of sweat, although Jaemin suspects they all do, and his hair is matted to his forehead. He still grins like a thousand suns as he sits next to him, legs crossed at the ankles. 

"Hey, how you doing?" Yukhei asks him. Jaemin notices how his hand hovers awkwardly, as if he wants to reach out to touch him but can't make up his mind about it.

"I'm fine," Jaemin says, for perhaps the nth time today. "You can touch me, you know? I won't die."

Yukhei's cheeks turn pink, this time from embarrassment rather than the natural flush that comes from exercise. Still, he puts his hand on Jaemin's knee, squeezing reassuringly. It makes something in Jaemin's chest roar with jittery glee - physical touch continues to leave him breathlessly happy, as if he can't get enough of it. He supposes that's true. 

"Taeyong seems to think you're going to pass out," Yukhei shoots back. "I can't remember the last time I saw him so worked up over someone."

"Really? Were you not there last week when Chenle got a splinter from a wooden door and Taeyong kissed his fingertip like a thousand times?"

"Clearly not," Yukhei laughs. "Look, he's just looking out for you."

"I know that," Jaemin sighs, pushing a sweaty bang away from his forehead. "I just wish he would chill. How's Yangyang doing?"

Yukhei huffs, leaning back on the cushion. Whoever thought of putting these in practice rooms knew what they were doing. 

"He's still mad at Renjun, if that's what you're asking. But he's also upset, and he's definitely moving forward with the surgery."

Jaemin nods in understanding. "I figured. I'm glad he's doing what's best for him."

"But you don't agree with the surgery?" Yukhei prods.

"I don't know. I mean, Renjun's right about one thing, those surgeries are dangerous. I spent the whole night reading about them and, yeah, they work and all, but the recovery process is really long. I worry Yangyang will be in pain."

"I know," Yukhei nods. "I'm worried about him, too, but his heats are really bad. And if he wants to do it, then we can't stop him."

They're called back to practice before Jaemin can reply, and he doesn't even glance toward Taeyong's pinched expression until the next break. Then again, Jaehyun forces him to sit down when Jaemin ignores Taeyong, and he curses fate for putting so many alphas around him. 

"Why you?" Jaemin whines, not bothering to struggle against Jaehyun's grip on his forearm. "You never hover."

"You're making Taeyong look all sad," Jaehyun replies easily. "I don't like it when he gets all sad, because then Doyoung gets all sad, and Johnny gets all sad. We can't have them all sad."

"Stop saying sad, that doesn't even sound like a real word anymore."

Jaehyun chuckles and presses on his shoulders until Jaemin sits. "You're starting to clog up the room with your scent, are you sure it's two days away?"

Jaemin frowns and sniffs his own armpits. He can't smell anything other than his sweat and a hint of his deodorant, the chemicals powerless in the face of an omega at dance practice. 

"Really?" Jaemin asks. 

"Mhm, really," Jaehyun nods. "Practice is almost over. I think we're gonna do another run through and then we're free, I can walk you back."

Jaemin would appreciate that a lot. He's been having flashes of high temperatures for the past two or three hours all over his body, and he doesn't want to risk fainting or dying in the middle of the company. He might be exaggerating.

True to Jaehyun's words, they only have another hour of practice until the choreographer sends them on their way. Jaemin gathers his things with ease, only wincing twice as pain flares up his back, and he's ready to leave when their manager comes in with news.

Jaemin never likes it when their managers have news, since they rarely mean something good for him. 

"We have a new living arrangement," the man announces, capturing their attention. "It's temporary, don't worry, we'll figure out something more permanent soon. Shotaro, you're going to stay with the Dream members, same as Sungchan."

"Really?" Shotaro stutters. He still doesn't dare raise his voice any higher around them. 

"Yes, really," the manager says. "Since Donghyuck and Mark are staying with 127 and Chenle doesn't live there, there is an extra room available. Joonhwa-ssi is there fixing the room for you two, and I'll drive you there tonight after you pack."

"Oh, alright," Shotaro nods. 

Jaemin claps him on the shoulder, hiding the surprise at how strong his alpha scent is. _How did he not notice before?_ "Don't worry, the guys are cool. You two will feel right at home."

Shotaro smiles back, an endearing display of teeth and gums as he bows in gratitude. Jaemin can't help but smile back. 

With his duffel bag slung over his shoulder, Jaemin follows the rest of his unit to the parking lot. So what he sticks closer to Jaehyun because he's warm and smells good? Sue him.

~

They're in the middle of dinner when Jaemin's heat starts.

Jaemin stiffens mid-bite, his back going rigid as he feels the telltale flush spread from the centre of his chest to the rest of his body. It's amazing, really, how quickly he starts to sweat, and he nearly drops the spoon in his hands. 

"Fuck me," he groans, hanging his head. " _Not_ literally."

Jeno clears his throat, avoiding eye contact with him. "Um, Jisung, why don't you take Jaemin back to your room?

Jaemin holds back the urge to snarl at him that he doesn't need anyone to escort him to his room. Truth be told, his legs are starting to feel like jelly, and he doesn't think he could walk on his own. Instead, he takes Jisung's offered hand and leaves the table without looking at anyone else.

He collapses face down on his bed with a groan. Jisung hovers awkwardly, the mattress dipping under his weight as he settles a knee on the edge of the bed and reaches out to pat Jaemin's back as gently as he can. 

"Hyung? You want anything?" he asks. 

"Can you call Mark?" Jaemin is far beyond caring what others think or believe. They've held back from telling anyone about their relationship - mostly because they don't know _what_ they would say - but fuck that. He's sweaty and his body is starting to ache. 

Besides, he can tell this heat will be different to the first one. He isn't looking forward to it... much.

Jisung gives an affirmative before he leaves the room, closing the door gently behind him. Jaemin shifts to lay on his back, hissing as his dick presses uncomfortably against the seams of his jeans. It isn't pressed to the bed anymore, but that doesn't provide much relief. 

Jaemin glances down at his boner, half-aware that he's glaring. This is _so_ incovenient, not to mention a little scary, and he silently prays that Mark gets here soon.

His self-lamenting groans are interrupted by a knock on the door. He can't smell anything, largely due to the scent dampeners they recently purchased, so Jaemin has to call out a weak, "What?"

"It's me," Renjun's voice comes muffled through the door. 

"I'm not decent."

"I've seen your dick before, Na, it's nothing to fawn over. Let me in."

Jaemin groans again, but gives a quiet consent. Renjun slips into the room quickly, barely glancing at Jaemin's problem before he focuses his eyes on his face.

"You're flushed," he says, stating the obvious. Jaemin huffs, reaching up to rearrange the pillows under his head. His neck is starting to strain from the position. "Mark's gonna be here soon, I'll send you some water bottles with him. Are you alright?"

"What do you think?" Jaemin mutters. "I'm just trying to focus on the hilarity of my heat coming on the same night those two move in with us."

Renjun snorts. Jaemin's glad he can appreciate his fine humour. 

"Yeah, well," Renjun says, taking a seat on the edge of Jaemin's bed. He's too close, his scent clogging up Jaemin's senses from the proximity, and Jaemin has to remind himself to keep breathing. "Shotaro looked like he was going to pass out, so, congrats on scarring him so quickly. That must be a record."

"Have you smelt him?" Jaemin asks hushedly. "Jeez, it's like he wears spray on alpha pheromones."

"He does have a very strong scent," Renjun concedes. "But you're also more sensitive to it because you're in heat."

"Heat's suck," Jaemin sighs. 

"That they do," Renjun laughs. "Okay, I'm gonna leave you alone now. You're starting to stink up the place and I don't want to spend the rest of the week reeking of you. You need anything?"

"I need Mark."

Renjun runs a hand through his sweaty hair affectionately. "I know. He'll be here soon. Oh, I also recommend you take those pants off before your dick falls off."

"That doesn't make any sense," Jaemin shouts at his retreating back.

Jaemin must fall asleep at some point, because the next thing he knows, Mark's in the room, dropping a duffel bag on the ground, not unlike the ones they use for dance practice. 

"Hyung," Jaemin says, wincing at how rough his voice comes out. He needs water. "You're here."

Mark turns around and flashes him a smile. He's dressed like he just came back from the studio, a cap pulled low over his head, but he pulls it off to reveal a mop of recently dyed red hair.

"Nice," Jaemin comments.

"Don't get used to it," Mark laughs. "It's gonna be orange very soon."

Jaemin hums. Mark finally joins him on the bed, crawling toward him over the covers, and Jaemin doesn't waste a second before he plops his head on Mark's jean-clad thigh. 

"You want the good news or the bad news?" Mark asks. 

"None, I want to nap."

"The bad news is that your scent somehow triggered Renjun's heat, and that caused a chain reaction, so now Jeno and Shotaro are in rut," Mark says, far too cheerfully. 

"That doesn't make any sense," Jaemin whines, looking up at him. "Renjun was fine when he came in here."

"Yes, but your scent is really strong. It caught him off guard."

Jaemin groans. "Then, what's the good news?"

"We have the dorm to ourselves."

Surprised, Jaemin only gapes at Mark. The alpha grins widely, one of his hands carding through Jaemin's hair, his nails scratching lightly at his scalp.

"How?" Jaemin asks.

"Jisung and Sungchan are staying with Chenle at his mom's," Mark replies. "Renjun's at the 5th floor dorm in Donghyuck's room, and Hyuck's staying with Jaehyun. Jeno and Shotaro are with WayV, though they moved Sicheng and Yangyang to stay with the 10th floor guys."

The explanation flies over Jaemin's head. Too many logistiques and names and apartments for him to handle in such a state. All he cares is that he and Mark are alone in the apartment and that his skin is cool against Jaemin's heated body.

He doesn't even care that his cock is pressed to Mark's thigh, hard and throbbing from his arousal. Last time, he was shy about it, and perhaps a little mortified, but this time it's different.

They're a little more acquainted with each other's bodies now, thanks to quick handjobs in closets and the occasional quicky in a shower, so there's that. Jaemin shuffles closer, throwing an arm over Mark's waist, and whispers into the skin of his waist, "That really is good news."

Mark hums. "Yeah, it is. Jisung texted me that he put the leftovers in the fridge, and Yuta hyung is gonna come by tomorrow with more food. Also, Kun hyung said to use protection."

Jaemin chokes on his own spit. Above him, Mark's laughing loudly, no doubt pleased at Jaemin's reaction. 

"Asshole," Jaemin hisses. 

"I had to get you out of your head somehow," Mark giggles. "But, seriously, though. Jaem, we should talk about what we're going to do about your heat."

"What do you mean?"

"I _mean_ that your heat is definitely sexual this time. Renjun warned me before I got here."

"How did he know?" Jaemin demands. He isn't upset, per se, but he's embarrassed that Renjun could tell something like that about him.

"He told me you were hard, and that doesn't just happen during a non-sexual heat."

 _Oh._ Jaemin wishes for a black hole to open up inside his room and suction him away right this second. 

"That's so embarrassing, oh my God," he whines, hiding his face. 

"You think he hasn't been there before?" Mark laughs. "Trust me, he isn't judging you or anything."

"So? He still saw me."

Jaemin suddenly remembers something he's been meaning to ask for months. He thinks there won't be a better time than now to do it, so he works up the courage to make the words leave his mouth.

"Mark," he starts, playing with a loose strand of Mark's shirt, "I wanted to ask you something."

"Sure."

"Why do you think Renjun asked you to help him with his heat that time, instead of asking Jeno?"

Mark doesn't answer right away. His hand doesn't stop its ministrations on Jaemin's hair, though, so he isn't upset. It seems like he's contemplating the correct way to reply to him. 

"I can tell you what he told me," Mark says eventually. "He said he felt more comfortable asking me because I was the leader."

"But you don't believe him," Jaemin ventures. 

Mark offers an ambiguous hand jiggle. "Eh," he says. "My best guess? I think he was scared of rushing things with Jeno. I mean, _he_ would have been the obvious choice, right? The fact that Renjun wouldn't ask him tells me that he didn't want to ruin things or come on too strong."

"I guess that makes sense," Jaemin mumbles. 

"Why do you ask?"

Jaemin knows he won't be able to lie. "It's been bugging me a little. It's not jealousy, I'm just... curious?"

"Hmm. Hey, are you hungry?" 

Jaemin isn't hungry, he's horny. His shirt is starting to make him itch so he sits up and yanks it off, throwing it to the ground. His jeans go next, and he can't help but groan as he unbuttons his jeans. 

"I'm miserable," he announces. "And I need to know if you're going to do something about this."

Mark barks out a laugh. Jaemin can't help but laugh along, even if he feels a little ridiculous: here he is, dick straining against his underwear, in the very beginning of his heat, in bed with the hottest alpha he's ever met, and they're laughing. 

"Come here," Mark says, making grabby motions at Jaemin. "We have a long couple of days ahead of us and we still need to decide how far you're willing to go."

"We've already fucked," Jaemin says matter-of-factly, crawling into his lap. "I think we can do that again."

"It's going to be different, though," Mark says, brushing a strand of hair away from his face. "Your heat means you'll be able to self-lubricate, I might pop a knot, and you're going to be out of it for a majority of the time."

Recognising the seriousness in Mark's voice, Jaemin decides against rubbing their boners together for the time being. He sits on Mark's thighs, though, because he wants to be as close as possible and this is as much as he's willing to concede. 

"Alright," Jaemin murmurs. "I'm listening."

Mark puts a hand on Jaemin's thigh, petting him softly. "I just need your verbal confirmation that you're okay with us having sex during your heat, even if you're out of it."

"I want you to help me with my heat," Jaemin says. "And I trust that you know what you're doing. I don't know if I'm okay with it if I'm completely gone, though."

"Alright, we can establish some sort of parameter, then?"

"Like what?"

"If you can't count to twenty without stopping to think, then I won't touch you," Mark proposes.

"Okay," Jaemin chuckles. "That seems fair. And, uh, I guess you can knot me."

"You guess?" Mark asks, choking on a laugh.

Jaemin groans in embarrassment. "Don't laugh, this is hard for me, okay?"

"I know," Mark nods, a hint of a smile lingering on his lips. "So? Shall we?"

"Please," Jaemin groans. "I think my dick is going to fall off."

~

Yangyang visits him as soon as it's deemed safe for the other omegas to be around him. He also comes bearing presents in the form of an overly packed lunchbox and ice cream.

"I missed you," Yangyang cries dramatically, rubbing his cheek against Jaemin's with fervor. Jaemin laughs and doesn't try to push him off. "Life is so boring without your stupid ass. And Dejun said he missed you at practice."

"I missed you, too," Jaemin says placatingly. 

Yangyang finally moves off him when he's had his fill of affection, sitting on his haunches and offering Jaemin a large smile. "I brought you treats. I always want sweets after my heats are over and I figured you would want them, too."

He was right, of course. Jaemin's mouth waters at the mere sight of the ice cream carton in Yangyang's hands, digging in with his spoon. Yangyang laughs and joins him in his eating binge, opening a bag of cookies that they demolish within minutes.

When Mark comes into his room to check up on the two, he finds them with their pants unbuttoned and an empty ice cream pint, the cookie bag discarded hastily inside the carton.

"Did you seriously eat all that by yourselves?" Mark laughs, picking up the trash from the bed.

"We would've saved you some but you weren't here and we didn't think about it," Yangyang says.

Mark leans down to pinch the skin of his neck, and Yangyang giggles as he bats him away. 

"Don't be mean to Yangie," Jaemin slurrs, drunk on sugary goodness. "He's my friend."

"I wasn't being mean to him," Mark soothes him right as he pinches Yangyang again. Yangyang whines and threatens to bite him, and that has Mark retreating - he knows Yangyang would. 

"Are the others moving back in today?" Jaemin asks after a while. He still has some restless energy in him - surprisingly enough, because three hours ago he was dead to the world - and he's burning it off by doing sit-ups in the living room while Mark cooks lunch. Yangyang's counting his reps with a bored drawl while browsing his phone. 

"Yeah," Mark says faintly from the kitchen. "They should be here before dinner."

Yangyang stands from the couch as if burnt. "I should get going, Kun must be wondering where I went."

"You know you can stay, right?" Jaemin frowns, pausing his exercises to gaze at his friend. Yangyang's frazzled, a total 180 from his calm demeanor two minutes ago. 

"Uh, no, that's fine," Yangyang mumbles. "Renjun's gonna be here and I'm not in the mood to get yelled at again."

"Yangyang," Jaemin tries, but Yangyang interrupts him. 

"Besides, I have a doctor's appointment later and I don't wanna be late."

"Oh. So, you're going through with the surgery, then?"

Yangyang narrows his eyes, watching Jaemin's face carefully as he answers, "Yes, I am. I was able to schedule one by the end of the month so I'll be good to go for promotions in November."

"Good, that's good, that's," Jaemin nods repeatedly, feeling like one of those bobble-head dolls, "Yeah, that's good. Let me know? So I can go with you."

"That's fine, no, Sicheng ge is coming with me, and Xuxi and Guanheng," Yangyang shakes his head. "Dongju and Hyungu said they would sneak away, and, uh, Sanha is going too."

"Still," Jaemin frowns. "I wanna be there."

Yangyang blinks and then nods. "Alright. I'll send you the details later. I really should get going, though."

Jaemin doesn't stop him from leaving, though he makes sure to make eye contact as he asks Yangyang to call him later. After he's gone, Jaemin remains sitting on the same spot on the rug, pulling at the fabric with his fingers until Mark joins him.

"What was that about?" he asks. 

"They're still not talking to each other," Jaemin sighs. "I mean, I can't blame them, they both said some fucked up shit."

"Renjun's upset about it," Mark says, pulling Jaemin's hand onto his lap and playing with his fingers. "Do you think I should stage an intervention?"

Jaemin laughs, genuinely endeared by Mark's earnest eyes. "If anything, you should stage one for him, Hyuck, and Jeno. Man, why the hell is Renjun arguing with everyone?"

"It's the Aries," Mark says solemnly, and Jaemin laughs again. "Okay, I'll plan something tonight. I'll have to ask someone to take the kids, though, they don't really have to witness it."

"Oh, Lord, the kids," Jaemin groans, suddenly remembering that he got his heat in front of the whole dorm. "I can't face them. I'm going to die of embarrassment, _no._ "

"I mean, it's not like we haven't seen each other in awkward situations before. Jeno once got his rut during practice."

That doesn't help Jaemin's case. He buries his face in his hands and wishes to die on the spot.

"God, Shotaro and Sungchan," he moans. "Their first night with us."

Mark's laughing at him. Jaemin tries his hardest not to push him over or hit him. 

"You know what's even better?" Mark asks. He doesn't wait for Jaemin to acknowledge him before he continues, "You triggered Shotaro's rut. Talk about an impression."

Jaemin screams and throws himself at Mark, knocking them both sideways. Mark goes laughing the whole way, and he doesn't even bother defending himself from Jaemin's attack. 

~

The recording studio is empty save for Taeyong. 

Jaemin stops in his tracks, glancing around him to check if the other members are hiding somwhere. It's silly, yes, but when Jaemin received a text from their leader to go to the studio, he assumed the others would be there, as well.

"Hyung?" Jaemin asks, fully entering the room and dropping his bag on the couch by the wall. "Where are the others?"

"They're not coming," Taeyong says, locking his phone. He smiles kindly at Jaemin, though, patting the chair beside him. "Come here, sit. I wanted to talk with you."

Jaemin feels like a child about to be scolded. He does as his leader said, folding his hands over his lap and looks at him expectantly. Taeyong has the nerve to laugh at his expression, shaking his head.

"Relax," he says. "You're not in trouble, if that's what you're thinking. Seriously."

"Okay... but what was so important that you had to lure me out here?"

"I didn't lure you anywhere," Taeyong scoffs. "I just figured it would be better if we spoke someplace private."

"The dorms are plenty private," Jaemin points out. Taeyong raises an eyebrow and Jaemin laughs, nodding. "Okay, fine, they're not. So, what's up?"

"How are you feeling? How was your heat?" 

Taeyong isn't asking for any other reason than pure concern. Jaemin sighs and pulls at his sleeves, wishing he wore something warmer under the chill of the studio's air conditioner. 

"Are people ever gonna stop asking me that?" Jaemin grumbles. "Seriously, if I have to say I'm fine one more fucking time..."

He pales when he realises how rude he was, and he immediately starts to apologize to his leader, words spilling out of his mouth in a tangent. Except Taeyong is laughing. 

"Don't apologize for that," Taeyong says, hiccuping. "You're right. All we do lately is ask you how you're doing. That must be annoying, right?"

"It is," Jaemin mumbles. "I mean, I know you're just worried. But I don't like that everyone's been treating me like I'm fragile or like I'm going to have another breakdown. I haven't felt bad about my status in months."

Taeyong nods, leaning back on his chair. "That's good. I'm glad you adjusted. Just... remember you can always talk to me, if you need anything at all."

"I know, hyung," Jaemin grins softly. "I appreciate it."

Taeyong nods once more. He looks much younger when he isn't wearing any makeup, his eyes nearly sparkling under the soft lights of the studio. He hasn't slept much lately, evidenced by the dark bags he spots, but he's still handsome. Jaemin wants to ask for him to spare some good looks for everyone else.

"Has the company forgiven you, yet?" he asks him in an attempt to change the subject.

"Forgiveness is subjective," Taeyong snorts. "They're letting me use social media again and at least they gave me back my sponsorships, but they're pissed. And the public is a whole different story."

Jaemin winces. It seems like their group has been dragged through the mud more times than he can count in the past eight months. 

"Our fans support you," Jaemin says. He isn't just saying it, either - many of their fans agree that Taeyong was only defending his group members, and that those people had it coming for harrassing them outside of their dorms.

Unfortunately, the general public doesn't share their views. 

"I know they do. But that doesn't change much, does it? We're still in deep shit." Taeyong reaches for his hands and gently pries his fists open, locking their fingers together. "Whatever happens, happens. I don't regret doing what I did. I was protecting you. I'm willing to go down protecting you, protecting all of you. I don't care if I have to growl or snarl or kill someone in order to do so."

"Please, don't kill anyone," Jaemin mumbles tearfully. "I don't think you could get away with it."

"Ouch. I'll have you know that Doyoung and I have a plan in case of emergencies."

"You plan on driving out of town and burying the body in the desert?"

"Maybe."

Jaemin snorts at the ridiculously serious expression on Taeyong's face. Taeyong cracks a smile of his own, and it's like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders.

"For the record," Jaemin says, kicking lightly at Taeyong's calf. "I would kill someone, too. If it meant protecting you or any of the others."

Taeyong's smile widens. Jaemin can't handle the eye contact and he looks away, just in time to catch the door opening. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here," Shotaro says, retreating out of the studio as quickly as he came inside.

"No, no, come in," Jaemin says, waving him over. He can't help but grin at Shotaro's flustered face, as if he committed a huge offense by walking in on them. "It's fine, we were just talking."

Shotaro shuffles further inside the room, eyes downcast. Jaemin suppresses a sigh and grabs the boy's wrist, leading him to sit on the spare chair by the recording equipment. Then, he wraps his ankles around the chair's wheely legs and drags it closer to them.

"Did you need anything from the studio?" Taeyong asks him kindly. 

"I was just looking for someplace quiet," Shotaro replies. He's gripping his phone tightly as if it's a lifeline. "I have some messages from my friends."

"Oh, we'll leave you to it, then!" Taeyong says.

Shotaro's eyes go wide in surprise. "Oh, no, please! You were here first, I can just find another room."

"What about we all stay here?" Jaemin suggests. He doesn't look forward to the two of them having a politeness competition. "You can reply to your friends and Taeyong and I can polish our plan to hide a dead body."

Even if Shotaro visibly misses a few words in Jaemin's sentences, he laughs at his statement, eyes disappearing behind his cheeks. Jaemin decides he likes it when Shotaro laughs - it's a little hiccupy, a little breathy, and his shoulders hunch as he giggles. It's a cute visual.

"That reminds me," Taeyong gasps, shooting up in his seat. "Shotaro, I've been meaning to talk to you, how are you adjusting?"

"It's been interesting," Shotaro admits, glancing down at his shoes. "I didn't know what I was getting into when I signed with the company, but it's been funny."

"Fun?" Jaemin asks.

"Yes, fun. It has been fun," Shotaro repeats to himself, mouthing the words before he grins. "I like our song."

"It is good, isn't it?" Taeyong laughs. "You're doing a great job, too. I'm sure the fans are going to love you. They like a cute face and a good dancer."

The boy's face reddens at the praise. Jaemin's noticed how, while he dances with confidence, years of experience shining in every move and every step, he also preens with any word of praise thrown his way. Even a simple _'good job'_ has him turning pink in the ears. 

Of course, Jaemin being Jaemin, sees an opportunity and he takes it. He just needs to bide his time and wait for the perfect moment to strike. 

"Thank you," Shotaro bows twice. "I'm... I'm worried about the lyrics, though. I had to record my lines for the chorus a few times."

"If you want, we can practice them with you," Jaemin offers, glancing at Taeyong for confirmation. "I know Yukhei helped you the other day at practice, but we can give it a try now, if you want."

"That would be great, thank you," Shotaro grins at him. Jaemin wants to coo. 

Taeyong moves to the computers and starts to look for their folder, muttering to himself about one thing or another as he completely forgets about their presence. Jaemin leads Shotaro to the couch on the corner, pulling up the lyrics on his phone.

They work for the next ten minutes without a hitch. Shotaro is a quick learner and he clearly knows the lyrics by now, but he's still lacking confidence in his accent and that's where his problem resides. Jaemin guides him through the first half of the song, word by word until Shotaro doesn't appear mortified whenever he makes a small mistake. 

Jaemin finds an opening when they rehearse the English lyrics. He's reading them aloud to him, aware that Taeyong's wearing noise-cancelling headphones while bobbing his head to the beat. 

There's something exhilarating about flustering people. Jaemin is a people's person, that much is easy to tell about him, and he's also a flirt. He's been accused of it enough times for him to be past denying it. 

He slides closer on the couch with the excuse of reading something over Shotaro's shoulder, grinning at the hitch in his breath when their thighs press together. He lowers his voice on purpose and is pleased at how shaken Shotaro appears. He doesn't appear uncomfortable, though, just... flustered. Exactly what Jaemin wants. 

When Shotaro walks into the recording booth, Jaemin smirks at him from the other side of the glass, the same one he uses on Jeno and Renjun to see them perish, and throws in a wink for good measure. 

"Stop flirting with the poor kid before he faints," Taeyong sighs. 

"I'm not doing anything."

"Uh huh, and he doesn't look like he'll shit his pants," Taeyong counters, giving Shotaro the sign to start singing. 

Jaemin knows he can't reply without lying, so he just continues to smile. 

~

Joonhwa drives him to a quaint restaurant near the company per Jaemin's request. 

"Do you want me to go in with you?" Joonhwa asks, glancing at him through the rearview mirror briefly before he turns back to the road. "Or to wait for you?"

"Wait for me, please," Jaemin nods, sighing. He feels suffocated in his dress shirt and slacks, and he doesn't want to be in there any longer than strictly necessary. "I don't think I'm going to be in there for long."

"At least hear them out," Joonhwa says. He's already pulling into the parking lot and Jaemin feels distinctly like he's going to throw up. 

"I don't even want to be here. I only came as a courtesy."

Joonhwa turns around in his seat to look him in the face. "I know. That's why I'm going to ask again, do you want me to go in with you?"

"Would it be childish of me to say yes?" Jaemin asks in a quiet voice. 

"It wouldn't be. You're already very brave for coming here today."

"In that case... I would really appreciate it if you came in with me."

Joonhwa walks him through the restaurant to the staircase at the back that leads toward the private rooms, asking the waiter if they could bring a glass of water for Jaemin before they take a seat at the table.

They're the first ones to arrive. Jaemin sits, huffing out a sigh as he runs a hand down his shirt to smooth out any wrinkles. Joonhwa doesn't speak to him while they wait, but his presence is enough. Jaemin isn't entirely sure he would have made it up the stairs without him.

The door opens three minutes later and his mother comes into the room, his father in tow. They seem equally frazzled as he feels, and a part of him feels a pang of affection - he hasn't seen his parents in ages. He just wishes they were meeting under drastically different circumstances.

Greetings are an awkward affair. Jaemin introduces them to Joonhwa with a shaky hand, his lunch stuck on his throat, and he drinks his entire glass of water as soon as the waiter places it in front of him.

"Thank you for coming," Jaemin mumbles. He keeps his eyes trained on the mantelpiece, tracing a pattern with his finger. "I appreciate it."

"Of course we came," his mother says. She sounds too earnest. "You're our son, we would do anything for you."

"Anything," his father echoes. 

The words make something ugly grow in Jaemin's chest. He reels in a responding growl, something he's discovered has been increasingly harder to do lately. 

"I asked you to meet me here because I figured I should say this in person," Jaemin says tightly. "Actually, I planned on texting you, but Kun ge said that wasn't a good idea. But what does he know?" he murmurs.

"What's going on?" his mother asks. 

As if it isn't clear enough. 

"I'm cutting ties with you," Jaemin states. He sounds more confident than he feels. "Not... not forever, but for a while. What you did - by lying to me, you caused troubles for everyone around me."

"What?" they exclaim. 

"I don't intend to even try to understand why you did what you did," he powers on, aware that if he lets them talk, he won't get another word in otherwise. "You're my parents, and I love you. But you really hurt me. And I don't think I can trust you anymore.

"I was able to talk the company down from sueing you," he finishes. "So, there's that. I just don't want to talk to you anymore. I'm sorry."

His parents have their protests, of course they do. Jaemin lets them speak for a few minutes, then taps Joonhwa's leg and stands up. His manager, bless his soul, acts as a shield between Jaemin and his parents as he escorts him out of the restaurant and back to the car. 

He doesn't ask if Jaemin wants to talk about it. He only drives him back to the dorm building and accompanies him upstairs with the excuse that he has to talk to Jisung about a schedule, although they know Jisung doesn't have anything in the near future. 

Jaemin makes a beeline for his room, locks the door behind him, and then screams into the pillow.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a little awkward at first, Jaemin won't lie. Renjun clearly doesn't know where to sit or what to do, taking refuge between Jisung and the armrest, but he opens up slowly, joining the conversation when they try to pick a movie, and he seems more relaxed by the time Jeno returns from the kitchen with the popcorn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!!! final chapter T.T thank you to everyone that's given this story a chance, from those of you who started reading this when i posted chapter 1 to those that might click on it long after it's finished, i love you all so much for clicking on this (/^-^(^ ^*)/

The clinic's cold. It smells like nothing, not bleach or blood or anything else, and the hallways are pristine clean. Jaemin bypasses three different cleaning ladies at work on his trip from the front entrance to the third floor where his friends are, so at least he knows they take hygiene seriously here.

It's a private clinic. They handle high-profile cases like celebrities, athletes and politicians, and they also work almost exclusively with those that carry the gene, so it would explain why Jaemin has to show his ID and handwritten clearance to multiple security guards on his way to Yangyang's room.

He's also pretty sure he saw the Prime Minister's daughter eating chips by the vending machine. 

Jaemin knocks on the open door and peaks his head inside, smiling brightly at Yangyang's upbeat disposition. He's eating a very unhealthy burger that someone most definitely snuck in, a large cola on the tray by his bed. 

He isn't alone, either. As he said to Jaemin before, Dongju and Sanha are there with him, as well as Taeyeon and Seulgi. Jaemin can also smell Yukhei all over the room, even if he isn't present at the moment. 

"Hey," Jaemin says, stepping fully into the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Awesome," Yangyang grins.

To his left, Seulgi snorts. "He's high on medications. The effect is going to wear off soon enough."

"I'll worry about that when it happens," Yangyang says. He sounds far too cheerful for someone who just had surgery.

"We'll leave you kids to it, then," Taeyeon says, standing up. She ruffles Yangyang's hair before she leaves the room, smiling at the others, and Seulgi follows her lead after reminding Sanha not to let Yangyang have any more junk food. 

"Do I look like his keeper?" Sanha mumbles, though he dutifully takes the fries away from Yangyang. 

"Oh, before I forget!" Jaemin exclaims, pulling his backpack to his front. He presents Yangyang with a neck pillow, the boy taking it with sparkling eyes. "Dejun said he forgot to put this in your overnight bag and asked me to bring it to you."

He's pretty sure Yangyang is three seconds away from crying. Jaemin perches on the seat previously busy occupied by his seniors, dropping his backpack on the floor by his feet.

"Are you crying?" Sanha blurts out. Dongju slaps his arm in alarm, looking at him as if he were crazy. 

Yangyang wipes his eyes hastily, although he wraps the pillow around his shoulders. Quick to turn the attention away from him, Yangyang glances at Dongju and asks, "You have your date with Giwook today, right?"

"It's not a date," Dongju huffs, rolling his eyes, but then he seems to process Yangyang's words and he whips his head to look at him incredulously. "Wait, how the hell do you know about that?"

"Sanha told me," Yangyang shrugs. 

"How did _you_ know?" Dongju demands.

"Hey, your brother told me," Sanha says, throwing his hands up in show of surrender. 

" _How_ do you know my brother?"

"Bomin introduced us! We went bowling together and then we had coffee. Shuhua was with us."

"I feel like a broken record, but how does Bomin know Dongmyeong?"

"Are you kidding me?" Sanha snorts. "Bomin knows everyone in the industry."

"That's true," Yangyang nods.

"Yeah, he knows everyone," Jaemin pipes up. 

Dongju groans, rubbing a hand down the side of his face. "Stupid betas and their stupid friendliness," he grumbles. 

The hospital room falls silent for a minute. Jaemin amuses himself by watching the tiny million expressions that flit across Dongju's face, while Sanha scrolls through his phone and Yangyang finishes his burger.

"Did Dongmyeong say it was a date?" Dongju asks Sanha. 

"He did," Sanha confirms. "Why?"

"It's just," the boy fumbles with his words, wringing his hands awkwardly on his lap. "If he said it was a date, it must be for a reason, right? _He_ must have told him it was a date, right?"

"It's very possible," Yangyang agrees. 

"What are your plans?" Jaemin asks kindly. 

"It's nothing special," Dongju mumbles, though the blush on his cheeks tells another story. "We're just gonna get together to plan our costumes for Halloween."

"Matching outfits?" Yangyang coos gently at him, laughing when Dongju flips him off.

"No, not matching outfits," Dongju hisses. "I'm going as Cruella De Vil and Giwook isn't sure yet, so he asked for my help."

"I think it's nice that you guys are finally doing something together," Jaemin supplies. "Watching you pine is cute and all but you deserve to be happy."

"Thanks," Dongju says, chuckling to himself. "What about the rest of you, are you guys seeing anyone?"

"You'll be pleased to hear that Bin hyung and I got together," Sanha said, his faux smugness betrayed by the flush on his cheeks. 

He then proceeds to offer some unbelievably graphic details of how they got together, and Jaemin plugs his ears in order to avoid hearing any of it. Dongju is scandalised even as he laughs, and Yangyang's completely delighted.

"Enough," Jaemin groans. 

"Fine, fine," Sanha waves him off. "What about you? Your heat was a few days ago, right? Did you finally fuck Mark?"

"Who fucked Mark?" Hyunjin asks, stepping into the room with Chaeyoung in tow. They're both dressed like they snuck away from a photoshoot, which they probably did. 

"Jaemin, I hope," Yangyang says.

Jaemin stares at their hopeful gazes and snorts. "I'll have you know that Mark and I got together weeks ago, so you're all a little late to the gossip."

There is an understandable uproar in the room as they process the information and Jaemin, though he loathes to admit it, loves that for once the attention is on him for a good reason. 

"How did I not know about this?" Yangyang squeaks indignantly.

"No one knows, to be honest," Jaemin admits. "You're the first people to hear about it."

"Back up," Chaeyoung says, plopping down next to Dongju on the couch. Hyunjin sits with Jaemin, smelling strongly of alpha. Jaemin saves his many questions for later. "Explain from the beginning."

Jaemin tells them everything, how he confessed to Mark after that fiasco of a meeting with the company and how Mark reciprocated his feelings. He wisely leaves out the whole ordeal with Jeno, Donghyuck, and Renjun, though Yangyang's sharp mind doesn't miss it. He probably connected the dots. 

"Wow," Chaeyoung says. "I didn't think you would be the one to make the first move."

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry, I just..." Chaeyoung laughs. "I don't know, I thought Mark would do it."

"Gosh, I can't believe everyone's getting their man," Yangyang pouts. 

Chaeyoung raises an inquisitive eyebrow in his direction. "Do you have a man to get?"

"Do _you_?"

"I don't like men."

"Fine. Do you have a woman you're trying to get."

"Maybe," Chaeyoung says, though she doesn't share anything else. Yangyang rolls his eyes at her and grumbles under his breath.

Jaemin turns his attention to the boy sitting next to him with a wide grin. Hyunjin groans and pushes his face away, saying, "Don't get too excited, I only smell like this because we had a photoshoot and we had to get inexplicably close. It's for the fans or whatever."

That does nothing to wipe the smile off his face, especially after he spies a faint blush on his cheeks. Still, Jaemin decides not to torture him much for now, opting instead to focus his attention on his member. 

Yukhei returns to the room ten minutes later with a suspiciously bulging backpack and a grin on his face. Yangyang's face lights up in delight, making grabby motions until Yukhei hands him a bag of bacon chips. 

"I'm not supposed to let you eat junk food," Sanha whines, not even bothering to stand from his seat. 

"Then look the other way," Yangyang smarts. 

~

A few weeks later find Jaemin recording NCT World with the rest of the group. He isn't having much fun.

It doesn't have to do with the games in particular. He'll admit that the missions are fun, sure: he genuinely laughs when Chenle attempts to break a board with his head, and he cheers for Shotaro when he has to dance to their choreos.

What's upsetting Jaemin is the setting itself. 

He's trapped in a closed set in a small box, cut off from the rest of his members. The air conditioner is set on full blast, which means it's chilly and Jaemin feels severely underdressed even in his jacket and jeans. There is also the problem with the ventilation.

Given all the previous conditions, all the scents have nowhere to go. Which means Jaemin has to hold his breath as long as possible in order not to pass out from sensory overload. 

The only member near him is Kunhang. Sweet, friendly, human Kunhang, whose scent is neutral enough not to overwhelm him and yet strong enough to keep Jaemin with his feet on the ground. The boy checks on him between each mission, as well as every other ten minutes if someone takes too long, and Jaemin doesn't bother lying to him: he's honest about feeling sick.

Of course, Jaemin has to put on a brave face when it's his time to earn some screentime. He smiles at the cameras and acts as if he's having a good time and fulfills his mission as quickly and efficiently as he can, then goes back to his seat. 

Kunhang waits until the cameras are focused on someone on the second floor before he approaches him, making an X at the camera on Jaemin's section to indicate to the editors to cut this part out of the final video. He also moves the microphone away from his face, just in case, and Jaemin does the same after a second of hesitation.

"Hey," Kunhang grins, squeezing Jaemin's shoulder. "This is taking longer than we thought, huh?"

"We've been here for hours," Jaemin mumbles. 

"Yeah," his friend sighs, crouching in front of him. In the background, the members cheer as someone completes their mission. Jaemin doesn't have the strength to imitate them. "I'm sorry, it probably sucks."

"The others seem to be doing fine," Jaemin says, talking about Renjun, Sicheng, and Yangyang, who've been cheering nonstop. 

"They've had more time to get used to things," Kunhang points out gently. "Do you need anything?"

Jaemin shakes his head, offering a tight-lipped smile. "No, that's fine. I just want to go home."

When they call for a break, Joonhwa's the first to break through the barrier between the stage and the crew, jogging toward Jaemin with a bag in his hands. He kneels in front of Jaemin and offers him whatever he brought, saying, "Here, I thought you could use these."

"What?" Jaemin asks, taking the bag from him.

"They're scent blockers. I wish I would've thought ahead and bought it before you started shooting, but."

"It isn't your fault," Jaemin says, shoving the blockers up his nose. The effect is instant, every scent around him diminished save for Joonhwa's aftershave and Jaemin's light sweat. "Oh, that's... that's a miracle made of plastic."

"Plastic," Joonhwa laughs, nodding, "And electronics. They're the best I could find in the area, I hope they work well for you."

"You're a life-saver, hyung." 

Joonhwa ruffles his hair and stands up, ushering Jaemin to go socialise with the other members. "Seriously, most if not all of them are concerned about you. Go talk to them for a bit."

Jaemin follows his advice and climbs the stairs to the upper floors, headed for Mark. He finds him with Chenle perched on his lap, the younger boy throwing him a shit-eating grin. Jaemin pinches the skin of his neck in retaliation.

"Hi," Mark says, clearly surprised to see him up and about. "I thought you were gonna stay downstairs until we left."

"I mean," Jaemin wobbles his head, "I kinda wanna. But Joonhwa hyung said to come up here and socialise or whatever, so. Hi."

"Hey," Mark laughs. 

Chenle looks at them, one after the other, and grimaces. "You guys are gross."

"Shut up," they say in unison. 

After the break is over, both the staff and the members alike work double-time to make it home before sundown. Jaemin appreciates the effort, even if he isn't the reason - he really can't wait to get home. 

Then, a week later, he's on a field in downtown Seoul, filming another episode. This time, there are no stifling boxes or cramped rooms, just a wide expanse of field, a crew set up a little ways from them and a resting area.

It doesn't explain why Jaemin still feels incredibly uncomfortable. He sidles up to Mark's side while the camera crew finds the correct angle, moving away from the glare of the sunlight, and taps at the man's waist to catch his attention.

"Hyung," Jaemin says, quietly, fingers cupping the mic attached to the collar of his shirt. "I feel weird."

Mark's eyes roam over his face in concern, then glances around them. Jaehyun's close by, Doyoung at his elbow, and Johnny's not too far from them, but everyone else seems to have congregated toward the centre of the field.

"Do you have a fever?" Mark asks, his hand reaching up to Jaemin's forehead in order to feel his forehead. "You're a little warm but it might be the sun."

"I'm not sick," Jaemin shakes his head. "I just... I just feel weird, you know? Itchy."

"Maybe it's the crowd?" Mark suggests, clicking his tongue. Jaemin furrows his eyebrows in response, to which Mark elaborates, "You don't do well in crowds, right?"

"I do just fine at concerts and fanmeets, though," Jaemin points out.

Mark nods, tangling their fingers briefly before he lets go. "I know, but those events usually give you breathing room. But with everyone surrounding you like this..." he trails off.

Jaemin casts another look around them. The PD is calling for everyone to take their places so they can start filming, and Donghyuck's waving him over to the rest of their team. 

"I guess," Jaemin mumbles. "I have to go. Thanks for listening."

"Of course," Mark nods, offering him a smile that has Jaemin's stomach twisting in itself. "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye out for you."

Jaemin rushes toward his team just in time for recording to start. The teams introduce themselves quickly, doing their half-assed chants and cheering at all the appropriate times, then they go to their tents.

If Jaemin wishes to be honest, he's surprised at how civil his teammates are acting. Yangyang and Shotaro are their usual selves, chatting even when the cameras are away and laughing, combining languages in their attempts to communicate. Jaemin can't bring himself to talk much, more preocuppied with watching the other teams compete.

Jeno, Renjun, and Donghyuck surprise him. In the past weeks, ever since Joonhwa sent them to therapy, they've been slowly circling back to something akin to normalcy. Jeno and Renjun might no longer be attached to the hip, and it's been forever since the last time Donghyuck slept at their dorms, but they're actually being friendly.

It isn't the way it was, but it's much better than the cold shoulders and the arguments. Jeno even went out for coffee with Donghyuck last week, and Renjun watched a movie with them in their living room the other day.

Jaemin doesn't know what they did or what agreement they might have reached, but it's working, and that's all that he could possibly wish for. 

~

Showering is the best thing in Jaemin's life. 

He steps out of the shower stall feeling like a human being again, none of the sweat and grime that accumulated on his body during the day. Steam curls around the bathroom, the mirror foggy and the walls dripping with condensation, and he relishes in the sensation of being clean.

A knock comes on the door just as he's pulled on his sweatpants. Jaemin calls out his permission to come in, uncaring he's still half-undressed. They've all seen what's there to see of each other at this point. 

Mark walks into the bathroom, his hair still damp from his previous shower and his hoodie crumpled around the collar. Jaemin notices how his eyes catch on the dips of Jaemin's torso before they flicker to his face, and it makes him shiver even in the heat of the room — despite how innocent the gaze was, none of the lust Jaemin could easily recognise, it still has Jaemin clenching his fingers around the towel in his hands. 

"How tired are you?" Mark asks in lieu of a greeting. 

Jaemin raises an eyebrow in his direction before turning back to the mirror. He wipes away some of the fog so he can see his reflection and starts to work on his skincare routine, dabbing cream under his eyes. 

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Jaemin shoots back, glancing at Mark through the reflection. "Didn't you guys have to fish for hours today?"

"Yeah," Mark nods, grimacing slightly. "I think my hands will smell of fish forever."

Jaemin snorts, squeezing toothpaste into his toothbrush. "So? Why do you ask?"

"You never answered my question."

Mouth busy, Jaemin wobbles his free hand in the air. 

"Well, I'm not tired," Mark grins, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Wanna go out?"

Jaemin spits out the toothpaste and rinses his mouth before he replies. "Where? It's, like, ten."

"Do you or do you not want to go on a date with me?" Mark sighs, rolling his eyes. Jaemin pretends he doesn't almost choke on his mouthwash. "I bribed noona into driving us to a restaurant a few blocks away."

"You bribed her?"

"Yeah. She's kinda cheap, all I had to do was promise to pay for her next four coffee runs."

Jaemin blinks at him. "Really? Joonhwa demands for dinner every time we try to bribe him."

Mark shrugs. 

"Yeah, okay," Jaemin says, a small giggle escaping him at Mark's delighted expression. "Should I dress up?"

"Oh, no, it's not, like, fancy or anything," Mark says, still grinning like a doofus. "Just wear something comfortable."

Jaemin dresses in record time, batting away Jeno's hands that try pulling at his cheeks when he sees him. He contemplates wearing make-up, but then he thinks that it doesn't really matter — Mark has seen him dressed and under-dressed, bare-faced and ready for shooting, and he likes him either way.

Mark's waiting for him in the living room, patting Donghyuck on the back as the younger boy clutches a pillow and complains that he's about to die.

"Why did they make us eat so much?" Donghyuck wails. Mark openly laughs at him, and Donghyuck scowls, though he doesn't seem to have the strength to retaliate. "Stop enjoying this, asshole."

Shotaro, dressed in his pyjamas and sleepy-eyed, exits the kitchen with a bottle of pepto-bismol and a glass of water. He crouches in front of Donghyuck and offers him the medicine first, saying something about indigestion. It's all lost to Jaemin, though, because Mark abandons Donghyuck's side to stand with Jaemin.

Here's the thing about Mark Lee: regardless of how he's dressed, he's still the most handsome man Jaemin knows. He's gorgeous, actually, even with his hair all over his forehead and his dorky glasses, his previous hoodie swiped out for a slightly more adequate sweater and a pair of jeans. 

Jaemin reminds himself to breathe as Mark reaches out to take his hand, leading him toward the door. 

"Is Hyuck alright?" Jaemin asks softly, hoping to make conversation. Maybe the sound of his voice will drown out the thundering of his heart. 

"He'll be fine," Mark reassures him, rubbing his thumb over Jaemin's knuckles. "Besides, it doesn't look like he'll be alone."

Jaemin glances back at the living room and grins. Shotaro sits with Donghyuck on the couch, legs crossed, and he's laughing at whatever Donghyuck just said in the midst of his suffering. Mark's sporting the same smile as they slip away, unnoticed. 

Their manager drives them to a restaurant close to their dorms, dropping them off at the entrance. She reminds them she'll be back for them in two hours before she drives away and then it's just them.

Jaemin knows this restaurant, has been here a few times in the past. The hostess doesn't blink twice at their faces, merely leads them to a private table toward the back. She places their menus on the table, takes their orders for drinks and walks away.

"Am I crazy for feeling nervous?" Jaemin blurts out.

Mark shakes his head, smiling shyly as his ears turn pink. "No, I'm nervous too. Which is kind of stupid, we've been together for a while, but..."

"It's our first date," Jaemin finishes for him, looking at the silverware on the table. 

Mark reaches across the table and grasps Jaemin's hand in his, interlocking their fingers together. "How about we forget this is a date? Let's just have fun, we hardly get any time to ourselves."

"Yeah," Jaemin nods, caressing the back of Mark's hand and enjoying the shiver that travels down Mark's spine. "Yeah, alright."

They do have fun. It's late, so the restaurant isn't nearly as full as it would be during dinner rush, but there are enough people in the room that no one really pays attention to them, everyone too busy with themselves. The restaurant itself is quite nice, the ambience temperature making Mark glow.

Mark makes him laugh. They split an entrée and have wine, even if Jaemin wrinkles his nose at the taste and Mark gets tipsy halfway through his glass. There is a band playing jazz in the background and candles on each table.

It's kind of perfect, in Jaemin's opinion, even if he never thought he would be here. He's a romantic, yes, but he always pictured himself as the one making the plans, the reservations, pulling out the chair for his date and doing all the flirting and the romance.

Mark takes him by surprise by doing all those things and more. At some point, they just... stare at each other's eyes, and it's corny and sappy and gross but it also has Jaemin's heart racing. Mark has beautiful eyes.

Jaemin doesn't want to go home when they're done eating. It doesn't mean he wants to stay at the restaurant, especially when he notices that the waiters and the barman all look ready to drop, but he wants to spend more time with Mark.

"Do you think noona would be willing to look the other way if we get her a chocolate souffle?" Jaemin asks while they're having dessert. They originally discussed splitting a slice of lime pie, but let's face it; that wasn't going to happen. 

"Why? You wanna go somewhere else?" Mark looks up at him through his lashes. There is a smudge of chocolate on the corner of his lips.

Jaemin shrugs, turning back to his pie. "I kinda don't wanna go home."

Mark smiles at him, tight-lipped in case there are traces of chocolate in his teeth, but just as bright. Jaemin feels himself blush.

Although their manager isn't very happy that they won't be going home, she accepts to drive them to a karaoke room close to their dorms. Before they get out of the car, she reminds them they still have work in the morning and not to get too wasted, since she won't be picking them up this time.

"You're two blocks away," she says, pointing at them threateningly. "Don't get murdered on the one night I don't babysit, got it?"

"Yes, noona," Mark laughs, waving her off. She tsks her tongue but doesn't reprimand him, and soon the car is out of sight.

Most of the rooms are occupied, but there is one at the end of the hallway that is available. They pay for two hours and giggle the entire way there, tipsy from the wine and the giddiness in their bodies. 

"Care to do the honours?" Mark asks, motioning toward the screen. 

Jaemin shakes his head, feeling boneless and happy on the low-quality couch. "You choose whatever you want, hyung."

Mark grins at him and browses through their options for a moment. Jaemin scoots closer and lays his head on his shoulder, too content to move. He's infinitely grateful when Mark chooses a ballad, even if it's in English and he only understands about half of it. 

While Mark sings, his voice low and soothing among the blare of the music that plays through the speakers and through the thin walls, Jaemin crawls even closer, wrapping his arms around his neck. Mark laughs and wraps his free arm around his waist, and Jaemin grins into his shoulder.

When the song ends, Jaemin doesn't want to move. "Sing something else for me," he murmurs. 

The hairs on the back of Mark's neck stand on end, a fact that doesn't slip by Jaemin with how close they are. The man's voice wavers slightly as he starts another song, though it gains his usual confidence as time passes. Jaemin smiles, pressing a kiss to the side of Mark's neck, and he relishes in the full body shudder he receives in return.

They don't keep drinking. They don't even do any of the songs that they usually would sing, none of the pop or rock songs that would have them jumping out of their seats. Instead, they stick to soft, mellow songs that they can sing without much effort, swaying on the couch together. 

Jaemin doesn't sing much, too happy where he is with his nose pressed to Mark's shoulder, wrapped around him like a persistent jetpack. Mark doesn't seem to mind, at least, the hand not occupied by the microphone either rubbing circles into his waist or carding through his hair.

When they do eventually go home, Jaemin can't wipe the dopey smile off his face. They walk hand in hand back to their dorm, quiet. They don't need to talk, not now.

And if Jaemin goes weak in the knees when Mark kisses him goodnight, that's no one's business but his own. 

~

Donghyuck isn't sure what he's doing here.

Their therapist said that they should go back to something akin to friendship before they decided anything else. She said they hurt each other a lot that night, and that they needed to heal from those wounds before they attempted to discuss anything.

For a week, she asked them to avoid contact as much as they could. Donghyuck had it easier, since he could hide in the 127 dorm whenever he wasn't in the middle of a schedule. Jeno and Renjun didn't have the same luck, sharing a room, but Jisung told him they weren't speaking, and more often than not one of them would crash in the living room or in another room. 

Then, she told them to start talking. Small things, such as 'good morning' and other pleasantries like that. Those didn't usually end well.

Now. Now they're supposed to discuss what the fuck they're going to do about their situation.

The other members cleared the dorm out of respect for them. Donghyuck wishes he could've gone with them, but he can't keep running away. If not for their friendship, then for the sake of their group.

Even so, a simple glance at Jeno has his heart squeezing painfully. He looks as crappy as Donghyuck feels, still dressed in street wear and a face full of makeup from their schedule. But Donghyuck has known him long enough to notice the little things, and those little things make up a big picture that says Jeno feels like shit.

Renjun joins them after a minute of awkward silence. Unlike them, he's changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, his hair damp from the shower. He sits on the empty chair in the corner of the room and pulls his knees to his chest, avoiding eye contact.

It isn't just awkward, now. It's stiffling, suffocating, horrible, a nightmare come true. Donghyuck chews on his bottom lip and picks at his nails as he waits for either of them to take the initiative and start talking first, though it doesn't seem like it will happen anytime soon. 

Surprisingly enough, Jeno clears his throat. His eyes glance at Renjun for a second before they drop to the ground, and Donghyuck pretends like it doesn't hurt that Jeno didn't bother to check on him. 

"I don't know where to start," Jeno says, rubbing his nape. Donghyuck _hates_ himself for finding the sight attractive, and he drags his eyes away as if burnt. "Um, I guess... I think I want to apologise to you, Hyuck."

"Me?" Donghyuck blurts out. "Shouldn't I be the one apologising?"

"Why should you?" Jeno frowns. 

Donghyuck gapes, glancing at Renjun's silent form before he looks back at Jeno. "I... I mean, I'm the one who ruined things, right? I should've just kept my mouth shut."

"No, no, there's no reason for you to keep your feelings to yourself," Jeno mumbles, as if he's too shy to say it any louder. "I just wish it would've gone differently."

"Me too," Donghyuck whispers. 

"I want to apologise, too," Renjun speaks up for the first time. "I reacted badly. I never should have said those things, and I feel terrible for hurting you. Both of you."

Renjun's close to crying. Donghyuck has known him long enough to know that, even if there are no visible tears in his eyes. Donghyuck feels like crying, too, but he holds back.

"Thank you," Donghyuck says to both of them, although it comes out much weaker than he would've liked. "I understand if you... if you don't want me around much."

"No, I," Renjun stutters, groaning in frustration as he rubs his eyes with a little too much strength. "I think we need to fix things between us. Running away and avoiding each other isn't good. If you don't want to be my friends anymore, I understand, but at least for the sake of the group."

Renjun's voice caught on the last sentence. Jeno makes a sound of distress, though he quells it pretty quickly. 

"I thought the same," Donghyuck admits. "I thought that we had to go back to being civil for the group. We're still in the same unit, I still have to promote with both of you next month. We can't go on like this."

"Well, I disagree. I don't want to lose either of you, alright? I," Jeno hesitates, glancing at them before he moves to sit with Donghyuck. They're not touching, about three inches apart, and yet Donghyuck can feel his body warmth. "Hyuck, we've been best friends since we were in grade school. I don't want to throw that away."

Donghyuck blinks away the tears pooling in his eyes and nods. He isn't sure if he's allowed to reach out and touch, but he takes his chances anyway, grabbing Jeno's hand and giving it a squeeze. Jeno squeezes back, offering him a watery smile, and there's an unspoken promise there.

Jeno looks back at Renjun and says, "Renjun, you mean a lot to me, and I think you know that. But I also agree with what you told me the other day."

"I'm glad we're on the same page," Renjun sniffs. "I don't want to lose you guys, either, but it's for the best."

"What are you talking about?" Donghyuck asks, strangled. It might not be any of his business what they decide to do about each other, but they're still the most important people in his life. 

"We're not getting back together," Renjun explains, uncurling his limbs. "Not that we were together in the first place, but. It took me a while to understand that, even if we feel strongly about each other, it doesn't mean we're romantically invested."

Donghyuck blinks at him. He's confused, thinking back to all his memories of them from the past two years, and he thinks they might be fooling themselves into something that isn't true. But he keeps his mouth shut, because he doesn't want to overstep.

"We were doing things out of convenience," Jeno adds. He's still holding Donghyuck's hand, and the touch burns him in the most unpleasant of ways. "I was the only alpha in the dorm, he was the only omega. Convenience and companionship led us to think there was something else."

"Oh," Donghyuck murmurs, staring at his shoes. He lets go of Jeno's hand and wipes his eyes, annoyed that he's crying. "Okay, then."

"I think we should keep doing what we're doing right now," Renjun suggests. "Watch movies together, hang out. Try to go back to normal as best as we can."

"I still need space," Donghyuck announces abruptly. He proves his point by scuttling away, backing into the corner of the couch. "I'm sorry, I know you guys probably didn't have that in mind, but I can't– I can't just pretend like nothing happened. I can't act as if you I didn't confess or as if you didn't re–"

He can't even say it. He chokes on the word, his ears burning in embarrassment. Donghyuck takes a deep breath and continues, "I'm glad there are no hard feelings. Really, I am. And I can't wait to go back to us. But I need time."

"Of course," Renjun whispers. It's too loud in the silence of the dorm. "Take all the time you need."

Donghyuck nods. He's feeling itchy and drained and he wants to go to sleep. Jeno's looking at him with too much pity, and Donghyuck knows he doesn't mean it, but it stings either way. 

"I'll get going now," he murmurs. Neither of them protests.

As soon as he's back in his dorm, Donghyuck makes a beeline for his room, shrugging off everyone's concerned glances and questions. Johnny convinces him to shower with gentle hands and an even gentler voice, and later that night Mark switches rooms with him. 

Donghyuck doesn't question the presence of his best friend. He appreciates it, especially because Mark doesn't ask anything. He just takes over Johnny's bed and plays songs on his guitar until Donghyuck falls asleep.

~

Hyunjin starts the session with a horror story for the ages.

"I got my heat in the middle of recording in a room with no scent dampeners," he states. 

Sanha fails to smother his laugh. Hyunjin glares at him, but there's no heat behind it, and he resembles a disgruntled puppy instead. Joohyun clears her throat in an attempt to hide her amusement and encourages Hyunjin to elaborate, but he's sulking and refuses to talk.

Jaemin hides his amusement into his turtleneck. He's never been happier to go to a meeting right after shooting.

"No, you guys are mean," Hyunjin grumbles. Eric giggles into his hand and pats him on the back, mirth dancing in his eyes. "Fuck off, like this hasn't happened to other people before."

"Of course it has," Wonwoo placates him, only smiling slightly. "That's why we can laugh about it."

"It's kinda like how girls sometimes get their periods at the most unfortunate moments," Seulgi adds, grinning. "It's mortifying when it happens but we can laugh with our friends later."

"I don't see how I'm ever going to feel anything but embarrassment when thinking about this."

"I'm sorry," Taeyeon giggles, sobering up as best as she can. "Please, continue."

Hyunjin huffs, the strand of hair on his forehead flying with the motion. "It was the worst moment of my life, thanks. Felix dragged me away before anyone could say anything, though."

"Felix?" Eric asks.

"He wasn't sure what was happening but he's a good friend, unlike some people."

Sanha's still muffling his laughter, and it's making Yangyang laugh as well. Renjun's lips are thin in his effort to hold back, and Jaemin feels defeat drawing closer with every second. 

" _Anyway,_ " Hyunjin groans, folding his arms across his chest, "We had to cancel shooting and reschedule for this week. I don't think I can look any of the crew people in the eye again."

"Oh, come on," Hyunggu says, smiling at him. "I know you're embarrassed but it's not the end of the world. Heats are natural, there's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Easy for you to say!" 

"Yeah, no, I've had something like that happen to me, too," Hyunggu shrugs. "I went into heat during a busking performance three years ago."

"Oh, God," Dongju wrinkles his nose. "I remember that. The one day I don't go with you people and something stupid happens."

"That's what you get for not being a good manager."

Dongju rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Tell Hyunjin about your experience, asshole."

"There's not much to tell," Hyunggu says. "We were doing a new song and suddenly Dongmyeong was staring at me like I grew a second hand. It took me a second to realise, but in the meantime Harin stopped the performance, Yonghoon hyung took me to the car and we left. Easy as that."

"And?" Hyunjin raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, so I was embarrassed. But I got over it, and as you can see, I can talk about it now."

"I guess," Hyunjin mumbles. "Anyone else have anything interesting to say?"

Jaemin raises his hand. He didn't plan on talking much today, but he thinks Hyunjin would benefit from having someone else take the spotlight. 

"Jaemin!" Joohyun exclaims. "How are you and Mark doing?"

"Great," Jaemin admits, feeling himself turn pink. "We've been going on dates every once in a while, and we– is that a ring?!"

Hyungwon startles, dropping his hands to his lap. Still, Jaemin's already caught sight of the gold band around his finger, and so has everyone else. Taeyeon gasps, as does Seulgi, and Taemin's eyes nearly bulge out of his head.

"It's not what it looks like," Hyungwon defends himself weakly, twirling the ring around his finger. "It's not an engagement or wedding ring."

"But...?" Wonwoo prompts, on the edge of his seat. 

"It's a promise ring," Hyungwon says, and he's smiling shyly as he looks at the ring. Jaemin nearly melts into his chair. "We don't plan on doing anything anytime soon, it's just nice to know that we're... you know, thinking about it."

Yangyang coos, leaning heavily against Chaeyoung. Sana's tearing up on her own seat. Hyungwon waves them off, blushing furiously, and urges Jaemin to finish what he was saying.

"I don't remember what I was gonna say," Jaemin shakes his head, smiling from ear to ear. "But, uh, Yangyang! You talk."

Yangyang gapes for a second before straightening up, patting down his shirt. "Oh, well, the surgery went really well, as you know. I've been pain free since then, and I can be in a room full of alphas without dying!"

"That's great, Yangyang," Renjun says, picking at a loose thread on his jeans. His voice is sincere, even if he doesn't dare meet eyes with Yangyang. "I'm happy for you."

"Thank you," Yangyang whispers.

"Are you...?" Joohyun trails off, seemingly unsure whether or not she wants to hear the answer.

"We talked," Yangyang tells her, nodding softly. "We're cool."

Renjun ducks his head. Jaemin hesitates for a second before he lays his hand on Renjun's thigh, palm facing up, and he feels no small amount of satisfaction when Renjun locks their fingers together. 

"I also," Renjun says, faltering for a moment before he takes a deep breath and speaks up, "I also talked to Jeno and Donghyuck. I'm sure most of you are aware of what happened or at least suspect it."

He falls silent. Jaemin doesn't think he's going to elaborate on that, and no one dares spur him on. 

"We're not back to normal," Renjun finally says, without looking up at the room. "I know I don't really owe you an explanation, and if anything I should be saying this to them, but it's easier to talk here. I hope you don't mind."

"It's what we're here for," Dongju murmurs. 

"I think the real reason I snapped at Yangyang was because I was upset about the other things," Renjun admits, glancing at the boy briefly. "I normally wouldn't tell anyone what to do. I'm sorry."

"I know," Yangyang nods.

"I guess I was scared. My thing with Jeno... I realise now that, while I do love him, it isn't the way I thought. And I think I've known for a while, you know? I just didn't want to acknowledge it, because it would mean ending what we had, and I liked what we had."

Renjun scratches his arm with his free hand, pursing his lips. No one says anything, waiting for him to decide if he wants to keep talking or not.

"That's why I got mad at Donghyuck," Renjun chokes out. "His confession made me see that Jeno and I aren't in love, and I lashed out. The worst part is that we dragged him into our shit and we hurt his feelings and now things are never going to be the same between us."

"So you're positive you don't like Hyuck like that?" Sicheng asks kindly. 

"I don't," Renjun shakes his head. "I love him, but not like that."

"What about Jeno?" It's Minghao who asks this time, having stayed silent so far.

Renjun shrugs. "I don't know. I don't think so, though. He would've gotten together with him by now."

Jaemin sighs. He doesn't look forward to seeing Donghyuck try to mend his broken heart on top of not having his best friends by his side, but he knows Mark's gonna be there. Everyone will be there, even if they aren't aware of everything that happened.

"Am I the biggest asshole in the world?" Renjun asks, his voice thick with tears.

"You're not," Jaemin insists, squeezing his hand. "Yes, you could've been a hell of a lot nicer when it happened, but you can't change the past. And you can't control your feelings."

Renjun chuckles, and the sound is too self-deprecating for Jaemin's taste. Still, Renjun wipes his eyes, sniffs, and manages to hold his head up once more. 

"Thank you for listening to... that," he says. "I needed to say it."

Reassurances ring around the room. Everyone expresses their support and their love, which has Renjun turning red, and eventually smiling. He brushes them off, though he doesn't let go of Jaemin's hand for the life of him. 

The meeting wraps up soon after that, later than usual. Jaemin isn't surprised to see car after car parked by the sidewalk, managers waiting for their charges while browsing on their phones or smoking, some talking among each other. 

For the first time in a while, Jaemin goes in the same car as Renjun, Yangyang, and Sicheng. Joonhwa couldn't drive them tonight, too busy with Chenle and his radio show, so WayV's manager waits for them instead.

It isn't an eventful ride. Jaemin doesn't know why he expected it to be, and soon they're at the dorms, piling out of the car and taking the elevator to their apartments. What does surprise Jaemin is to find Donghyuck and Mark in the Dream dorm, hanging out in the living room with Jeno and Jisung.

"Hello," Jaemin says, though it comes out as a more of a question. "I didn't know you guys were coming over."

"We thought we could have a movie night," Mark grins, patting the empty spot next to him. "We still haven't decided which movie, though."

Jaemin glances at Donghyuck as he sits down. He's sitting with his shoulder pressed to Mark's, hands tucked between his thighs, but he's engaged in a conversation with Jeno and Jisung — well, mostly with Jisung, but Jeno gives his input every once in a while and Donghyuck replies, so that's a win.

It's a little awkward at first, Jaemin won't lie. Renjun clearly doesn't know where to sit or what to do, taking refuge between Jisung and the armrest, but he opens up slowly, joining the conversation when they try to pick a movie, and he seems more relaxed by the time Jeno returns from the kitchen with the popcorn.

When Chenle swings by after he's done with the radio show, Jaemin can't sense any tension anymore. Chenle makes a beeline for the free spot next to Jeno, whining that they started the movie without him even if he's seen it a thousand times.

Jaemin allows himself to relax. Mark's holding his hand under the blanket, and every time he chuckles at something in the movie, Jaemin can feel it in his bones. Donghyuck's close to falling asleep, and Jaemin is sure his hair is tickling Mark's chin, but he never complains. Renjun laughs at the movie, too, Jisung tucked under his arm, and Jeno and Chenle wrestle over the blanket until they almost knock the popcorn off the couch.

Jaemin smiles to himself and cuddles under Mark's arm, grinning at Donghyuck when they make eye contact. Mark's complaining that he isn't their pillow, but neither pays him any mind. They're too comfortable, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few things!! as i was editing this, i realised it sounds like im hinting at certain ships, but only one of them becomes something after the fic is over! can you guess who (･o･;) 
> 
> also! i kinda hint at jaemin having social anxiety, but i didn't want to make it too obvious because it's a canon compliant and i don't want to assume – i did it because i see similarities between us when jaemin has to be with too many people, especially if they're too close, but yeah :) if anyone thinks i should add a content or trigger warning, let me know!! 
> 
> and, obviously, thank you for reading ｡◕‿◕｡

**Author's Note:**

> [ my cc in case you have any questions ](https://curiouscat.me/doitsushine92)
> 
> [ my twitter if you wanna talk or be friends](https://twitter.com/doitsushine92)


End file.
